Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

I think perhaps at times it is just better to put these relationships to bed. When I look at my own family situation I see two hurt people who cannot let go of each other for different reasons. They should. The truth and the reasons must be found in their own self because otherwise how would anything change or any attempt to mend a relationship between them be successful? The answers cannot be found from an estranged other at all not from their estranged child or the experiences of others. Those things are not comparable and never generalised. The decision must be made to look harder within or stop looking and move forward.

Sometimes answers can be found by sharing with others who have personal experience of estrangement Luminance, but it's support and understanding that brings those whose lives have been affected by estrangement to this thread.

Seeing two hurt people who cannot let go of each other for different reasons within your own family, isn't the same as a personal experience of being estranged or taking the decision to do so.

Moving forward doesn't mean that you ever stop looking for the reasons why.

As Smiles says unless it’s your lived experience it’s almost impossible to understand estrangement. I’d also add there can be a place for forgiveness….a willingness to accept the other as flawed, and even so continue in a relationship with them (unless abuse is ongoing). Without forgiveness there is no mending. It’s a 2way process.

Morning all

Upsetting news, I'm afraid. Babs will not be around for a while as her DH has had a stroke and now has a subdural bleed on the brain. Her DDs are with them. I told her I will pray for a good outcome, but she has said it's not looking good. I feel awful for her.

Oh Birdie, you are not a bad person, everyone on here says the same; that they don't know what they did to cause this and that's because they didn't do anything, it was the estranging AC that did the destroying!

I've said before; yes I have definitely changed as a person. Used to always be laughing and dancing, after the estrangement that all stopped. Better now, after 12yrs, but I definitely feel deferent inside.

Feeling upset for Babs

On no thank you for letting us know Yogin.

You will all be in my prayers Babs xx

Good post Smiles

I agree with you Spring

Big gang of Magpies in my garden . Sent Joey out to sort them out .

Sending you hugs Babs03❤️

Hi Everyone I have just joined today and just finding my way around the site.

I have just sent an email to Babs . At least she has the family with her and her husband is a fighter. Told her to talk to him if his unconscious as he will hear. Hopefully they can operate and and relieve the bleed .

My brother has a stent in his brain because a piece of metalwork fell off his lorry and caused a bleed on the brain . They stopped the bleeding and removed a clot but put the stent in to stop the artery from collapsing on blood thinners for life .

You would much rather have something happen to you than someone you love especially if it's your other half of yourself. 🌹

Like everyone else thinking of Babs at this difficult time and sending love 💐

Yogin and Whiff please let Babs know I am sending her and her husband prayers and healing thoughts.

Babs03 wishing your husband a good recovery, please do take care of yourself too.

Thanks to everyone. Please continue to pray and hold Mr B in your thoughts. He is hanging in there.
Will keep you posted when I can.
Your support is so appreciated right now 🙏🏾🌺

Babs he is a fighter and with you by his side he won't give up . Plus you have the support of your family. But please make sure you look after yourself. Make sure you have plenty of drinks and eat. He will need you more than ever to go through what comes next and his recovery . 🌹💝

Will continue to pray for Mr. B and you Babs. Stay strong. So sorry that you both are going through this.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE

Love to all on what can be a difficult day, for many folk, not only those with EAC. Hope you can do something nice for yourself if not celebrating with others. E doesn’t define us! 💐

Second that Yogin happy mother's day. No matter how much our children don't want us we are still and will always be their mom even after we are long dead. Dare I an evil cackle . 😂

Yoga thank you for letting us know about Mr B, nothing now seems very important, I know just how awful it is for them. I will pray for them all.
To everyone on the forum lets be glad for what we have and I hope you have a good day, its certainly a perfect spring one.,

Wishing you all a happy Mother's day, a title they can't take away from us!
Special hugs to Babs at this difficult time, and thank you to all of you for your continual support. ❤️

Popping over from Politics to tell Babs I am thinking of her and praying for quick healing.

A heartfelt thanks to everyone for such kind wishes. Mr B still critical, so touch and go.
They can’t give him blood thinners for clots because of a bleed on the brain so the chance of another stroke is high. Still mostly unresponsive.
Will pop in on the thread when I can.
🙏🏾🙏🏾🌺🌺

Keeping Mr. B. and you all in my prayers Babs xx

Portrait sorry never acknowledged your posts. Glad you found support here . Life and worry about Bab's husband got in the way. But that's what this thread is like we care about eachother and give support where we can . It's not a doom and gloom thread estrangement brought us together but that's just part of our lives. So we talk about other things . Like having a chat with good friends.

I ramble on and speak plainly I don't use words like narcissist and definitely don't believe in a narcissistic gene . The old saying money is the root of all evil is nonsense. It's how people view having lots of money . I have known a millionaire and you wouldn't have thought he had 2 pennies to rub together . He didn't flaunt his wealth and he made his money with small amount of money his dad gave him and his 3 brothers to give them a start . He was a builder just a one man band which he grew through hard work and long hours. He's wife didn't know he was wealthy when they meet as he had a beat up old car he didn't see the need off a flashy new one as he could repair this one himself. Only time he wore a suit was his wedding day and his funeral.

Money does not buy health or happiness. Yes it's nice not to have money worries and until last year I did nothing but worry about money since my husband died. But thankfully don't worry anymore. It's lovely to have my heating on and not have to worry about the bill . But not being brought up with money have always been careful with it.

We bring our children up with unconditional love and attention. How they turn out as adults is up to them . They choose their own path in life . If they need advice then we give it freely no strings attached . Because we love them and only want what's best for them .

Bad behaviour from them is just that it's not flowery words or buzz words to explain their behaviour. Had to look up what a narcissist was plus all the other terms people have used to explain their children's behaviour .

To me they are a load of nonsense. But I talk plainly and don't use those words to excuse bad behaviour or what my son has done . Or my daughter in laws behaviour. When our children misbehaved as child they where naughty and that's what they are a adults. They think there are no consequences to their behaviour just because they are adults . But no matter what age you are their are always consequences to bad behaviour.

My son chose to cut not just me out of his life but all over side of the family. I have 3 grandson's with him and my daughter in law I only got to know the eldest 2 last time they where 4&2 . They boys are now 8,6 & 4. I have given the youngest one a name as my son didn't tell me when he was born or his name. And I can't bare the thought of him without one .

Portrait you and your husband didn't do anything wrong you gave your children everything even private school education. How your youngest daughter has turned out is her choice. It has nothing to do with genes . There are no genes that cause bad behaviour or make people classist ..

I should know I was born disabled and finally in 2022 aged 63 what has been with me my whole life after having my whole genome genetically tested. I was born with the rare hereditary Hyperekplexia gene mutation SLC6A5 type 3. It's a mutant gene in my brain receptors which effects me physically and cause cognitive problems. I am not stupid in fact did very well in school and college . But takes me a few times of reading instructions for the information to sink in. That's why I say talk of a narcissist gene is a load of rubbish it's not a real thing . If it was it could be detected by having a persons while genome genetically tested via a blood test.

Our children make their own choices. Both my children where brought up the same and had the same advantages even after my husband their dad died aged 47,I was 45 and they where 20 &16. We knew my husband wouldn't live 5 years from his cancer diagnosis he lived 3 . Money had been put aside as our daughter was in her final year at uni and money put aside for our son to go. We never treated them differently when my husband was alive and I didn't after he died . They have made their own way in the world without financial help from me . Both have brought their own houses and both couples paid for their own weddings .

I will never understand why my son dumped me . And it's only after his email to me and his sister I found out they hadn't had a good relationship for years but when we where all together they behaved themselves. But my daughter in law has always been jealous of my daughter .

Oops just noticed the time have to go as it's move it or lose it this morning.