Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Morning all

Allsorts all quiet with the neighbour next door, thanks for asking. I now park outside my property every time, so completely ignore DH. Hope you enjoyed your coffee with your friends. Had a lovely lunch with my friends Saturday, roads horrendous though.

Went to SpecSavers last Thursday; for contact lenses. Had trouble putting them in and taking them out, so they wouldn't let me take them, have another app to try again this week. Only want them for my Yoga, as can't where glasses. I think this time last year I wasn't even wearing glasses; I now need them most of the time .

Morning everyone, looks like we're in for a fab week of weather . We've planned to go to our flat at the end of week as there are a few jobs to be done, but not sure if we'll be able to drag ourselves away from this wonderful place .

I got a lovely mental image of your cats sunbathing and 'hunting' in the long grass Sparkly .

I emailed GN this morning Allsorts and thanked them for removing that thread. It was as I know we suspected, started by a previously banned poster who keeps returning to the site, so we need to carry on keeping our eyes open and reporting anything we find suspicious.

Oooh I couldn't put in contact lenses Yogin, I even struggle with eye drops!!! . Fingers crossed that with some practice you'll be able to do it.

Lovely BBQ last night and plenty more to come this week .

Hygiene appointment at the dentist at 12.00 so will be pleased when that's done and dusted.

It is beautiful weather isn't it!

I could never get on with contact lenses but hope you manage ok yogineimejse. I think there is a knack to it.

Smiles sorry forgot to say glad everything went well with the interment of the ashes. I have never been to one . One of my aunt and uncle's ashes are in a wall at the crem and at the same crem another aunt and uncle in a plot in the ground. My grandparents where just scattered at the crem but my brother and me scattered mom and dad's together by a hut they used to like to sit in by the river Severn . Scattered them down the bank and few went into the river. My daughter will scatter mine with her dad's . Funny it's the only thing I cant do is part with his ashes . I know it's just a pile of grey and it's not him and they have no sentimental value. Usually I am very logical but it would have felt like I was throwing him away ,nuts I know.

SparklyGrandma hope you get your operation sooner than they say. Did you tell them you would take a cancellation. Its how I got a test done quicker. Was told for tests and operations they have list of people who will are willing to have it done with short notice. They phoned me and had it the next day. Once you had the pre op you know it won't be long for the op.

I have no mown all the time my lawns fake. Safer for me and has a foam pad under it . Have fallen on it with no damage. Your cats will wonder where their jungle has gone .

Glad that thread has gone anything with toxic in the title is going to cause trouble along with other buss words.

Yogin glad you are able to park outside your house. My daughter tried contacts but cried trying to put them in so sticks to her glasses. She has a saying eyes ,spines and feet say no. She has a thing about them.

Allsorts at least you have a nice day for your meet up and shopping .

Had 2 friends for lunch on Saturday they came at 12 left at 7 . Glad they always feel comfortable here and we are never short of anything to talk about. Plus they took the left overs home with them out of my way.

Should have had blood test this morning but got cancelled due to illness so having it next Monday . Sit fit this afternoon. No move it or lose it tomorrow as our instructor on holiday. But baking as it's craft group Wednesday afternoon.

No worries Whiff.

We'll keep one another's ashes so they can be scattered together, having literally most of our lives together it feels like a fitting end.

Glad your Saturday lunch went well, they must have thoroughly enjoyed the food to have taken the leftovers with them .

Back from my hygiene appointment which went very well. First time I've seen her and she was very good and laughed when I told her about my various 'issues'; small mouth (that always makes Mr. S. laugh - cheeky bugger), sensitive gums and an over active gag reflex .

Whiff, glad your meal went so well I know you enjoy cooking for people. There is no right or wrong way dealing with grief, I kept my husband's ashes for two years, but in my head knew he wouldn't have wanted that, so my my son and I went to his favourite place and scattered them. They are always with you in your head and heart.
Smileless there is one thing I hate is the dentist, memories of childhood torture, however now everything is different and faster, still don't like hygienist though.,
The poster of many names must think we are all daft. People estrange, say it's the best thing they did and come in here and write pages demonising the people they estranged, it's bonkers.
Yoga, hope you get on with contact lenses, my granddaughter used to heave putting them in she gave up in the end. However her mother has worn them many years. I still don't need prescription glasses but I will be in trouble when I do as I am always breaking the cheap ones, I either sit on them or push them in my pocket when out shopping as they are on and off as I look at the small print on packets.
All this week busy, so fest get a move on..

Morning everyone.

It's those awful childhood memories of the dentist that make it so stressful isn't it Allsorts. It was certainly better for our children and will be even better for theirs as as you say everything is different and faster.

It is bonkers and something I've never really understood. I can understand ongoing hurt and wishing that their parents hadn't treated them the way they did. As EP's we experience that too, but it's the anger, bitterness and hostility projected onto strangers just because they've been estranged that gets me and TBH makes me angry .

Good luck with the contact lenses Yogin, let us know how you get on.

We've decided to postpone our few days at our flat to the beginning of next week as it's going to be too hot. At least here we have plenty of windows and the patio doors to leave open to cool us down, and can have windows open during the night.

The flat only has a small bedroom window and as it's on the main street of a market town it can be pretty noisy at night. Here we can here traffic in the distant and any sounds much closer to our lodge come from the wild life, and we rather like that .

Ah, bless you Whiff understand you want to keep ashes of your DH, may people do. I kept my dad's on the sideboard in the dining room until my mum joined him 2yrs later, then they were both there, till they went to the garden of remembrance. The vicar does a little service, pours the ashes in the, already dug hole. Myself and my brother said a few words & then the hole is filled in. It all looks pretty, little border round the plot, a plaque, flowers etc. I still have my little Lilly's ashes, in my glass cabinet, they are in a china look-a-like [Lilly] pot.

Allsorts you can stick with your cheap glasses, prescription ones are very exspensive, not much better than the on-line or supermarket ones. You just know for sure what strength you need. I didn't know I need +2 for TV etc. and +4 for reading, now I know I could buy on-line for a fraction of the price from SpecSavers. Not sure if I am going ahead with my app on Thursday, the thought of poking myself in the eye again isn't pleasant . My eyes were sore for a few hours after.

So hot, thought must give Joey a haircut & bath this morning but ended up contacting the groomers, got him booked in this afternoon! Only thing is, instead of being a few doors away, they have moved about a 10min drive away, I've kept the app. but may not stay with them now.

Thanks Smiles I wouldn't want to leave your lovely new home too, with all the lovely wild life you have and peace & quiet.

I've had lots of lovely birds in my garden this morning; lots of blue tits, robin, sparrows & another. Pigeons have only just arrived for their breakfast, keep wondering if I should stop feeding them, I love the white one & her 2 girls, also white with a little grey, but then the common ones join in, which I don't like. It was pigeons that my upstairs neighbour had had in her loft. She had to have all the loft insultation pulled out and thrown away. She said no pigeons were in there when the men went up to do the job, but the mess left was bad.

it's the anger, bitterness and hostility projected onto strangers just because they've been estranged that gets me confused and TBH makes me angry angry.

Yes that's the bit I dont understand either Smileless 🤔

It doesn't make sense for anyone to do that, I wouldn't have the need to be unkind to anyone here and would hope no one would be unkind to me either.

I don't really like to be unkind to anyone because I don't know what they have been through or are going through now.

I would only want to reach a place of understanding and consideration

Yoga, I think glasses look nice as you get older as they hide dark circles if you get them and you can make a fashion statement. I wouldn't be putting things in my eyes as well as all the drops etc. Less intervention with anything medical unless its a health concern.
Best just not to answer certain posters.

You'd think we'd have some understanding Madgran, we've been on this forum for long enough haven't we but if we asked them why they do it, I don't suppose they could provide an answer either.

I would guess they are in a lot of pain. I find it sad, people aren't all that nice about me estranging at times. I realised it's not about me, that is about them so I am able to let it go.

Smileless2012

You'd think we'd have some understanding Madgran, we've been on this forum for long enough haven't we but if we asked them why they do it, I don't suppose they could provide an answer either.

Probably not Smileless. The thing is there is more of a tendency to express anger and accusation generally on social media isnt there, as can be seen in so many public scenarios these days. That I think has an impact too on how things are approached in on line discussions. Alongside some apparent confusion for some about what is unkindness and what is just discussion with varying views. I see perfectly reasonable discussions deteriorate when someone struggles to accept that others don't agree even when differing views are expressed entirely reasonably with no unkindness per se detectable apart from not agreeing!
In the end it can be a bit off a minefield but the positive is when social media forums can genuinely provide support and good advice and constructive criticism.

Madgran, social media does attract some unpleasant characters, especially off putting for someone vulnerable. going through a situation like estrangement. It is now talked about more widely in the media but when it happened to me and others on here it was a dirty secret almost shameful as you felt odd one out with people that knew you.

Allsorts

Madgran, social media does attract some unpleasant characters, especially off putting for someone vulnerable. going through a situation like estrangement. It is now talked about more widely in the media but when it happened to me and others on here it was a dirty secret almost shameful as you felt odd one out with people that knew you.

Yes the positives of social media are that it enables people to connect with others in a similar situation and realise they are not alone. In supporting someone close who very sadly and with great difficulty made the decision to estrange from her daughter, it has been good to show her that she is not alone - even though she does not use social media atall. Social media is great and not the problem; its how it is used by some that is the problem.

Social media is great and not the problem; its how it is used by some that is the problem exactly Madgran; well said.

It is a good thing that estrangement is talked about more openly Allsorts. I always think how fortunate we were to find it being discussed here on the 'Cut out of their lives' threads and more than 12 years later we have an entire forum which of course includes this thread which was the first on this forum.

Everyone whose life has been affected by estrangement lives with pain but that's no excuse to inflict pain on others. It's particularly distasteful when it comes from those who have estranged.

We're told about their experiences of being abused and yet knowing what abuse can do to people, some come to GN to abuse those who have been estranged. Strangers on line. The only thing they know for certain is that they are in pain. Are they any better than the ones' who abused them? .

I think it is distasteful whoever is doing but I understand your view that "it is particularly distasteful when it comes from those who have estranged". I understand because I find it particularly distasteful when it comes from "mothers". I am not saying I have high expectations of mothers, I just always feel they should be sort of better than I am you know, a bit more adult in a way.

I don't understand your post where have mothers been abusing other posters here on GN?

This is Gransnet, I think we would all be mothers but I feel I might be one of the younger ones

There were also a couple of things said that have been hurtful, some generalisations and one directly to me but it's ok, I understand they are in pain and lashing out.

This thread is much more welcoming and supportive

Well TBH I haven't seen anyone lashing out too or making generalisations about EAC and yes, we're all mothers here which is why I didn't understand your post @ 13.31.

Oh, sorry I don't know what to say to that.