Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Morning everyone.

Good to know that your op is over and done with Whiff, sorry that you're in pain but hopefully you'll be well enough to go home soon xx

It's good to know that our responses have helped Mandy, so keep reading and pop on when you're able so we know you're OK.

Party plans sound good Yogin. Sorry if I've missed it, but what's the party for?

Hope you're all having a good weekend. It was white over here this morning due to a heavy frost and looked beautiful, then we saw 3 deer on the golf course, right up to the fence. It was like a scene from a Christmas card, so beautiful and who'd have thought we'd ever have such a sight from our living room window!!!

Oh I love the sound of your new home Smiles, to see deer must be so amazing, but am keeping quiet about the golf course or Mr B will be hot footing it over there to be your neighbour.
Am hoping when we finally move to the South Downs 🙏🏾we will see more wildlife.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

Morning all

Birdie snapfish is a photo processing co. I did question myself at ordering so many, have shoe boxes full under my bed. I am trying to be more careful about taking so many pics. Before I would download and keep those of my GC, but have stopped doing that as of course my DD has them and that's where they will all go to in the end. So only keep the ones I have taken myself.

Babs I didn't want a big 'do' at all, as I've already said, I would normally hold a celebration, even for other family members at my home. But hiring a hall, it just seems to 'take-off' as you have to decorate tec. I have asked my s.i.l if I can borrow his spare music laptop with 60 & 70 music set up for playing at parties etc. He may surprise me and do a little more, but I wouldn't ask him as he is coming as a guest, not to work. I'm also now thinking of hiring a guitar playing singer [did ask my son as I think he is really good, but he didn't want to]. I did hire a Karaoke team for my estD birthday once, they set up in my living room and we had a great time. And so it grows .

Took Joey to the park after my class yesterday, so about 12.30 Babs, it was sooo foggy! I actually took a picture as it looked like a film set and the ships foghorns were all sounding continually!

Sounds wonderful Smiles. Sadly, no deer in my picture above, but some beautiful swans on the lake in the background, if you can see through the fog.

Yes was so foggy Yogi, we only ventured out later in the day when the sun broke through but well done on your pic is very atmospheric. Didn’t hear foghorns till nearly midday when they picked up a pace, is quite a ghostly sound in the fog.
Off to London tomorrow. GS in GOSH having final op, should be straightforward this time 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thinking of you Whiff, hoping you are nearer to going home.
Love to all 🌺🙏🏾

Good luck to your GS Babs. See you for coffee

Yoginimeisje

Good luck to your GS Babs. See you for coffee

👍

Worse thing about being in hospital is feeling guilty my daughter has the running around .

Whiff

Worse thing about being in hospital is feeling guilty my daughter has the running around .

Hey 👋🏽 good to hear from you whiff.
Don’t worry about your wonderful daughter she is only doing what you deserve - looking after her amazing mum.
You are an independent spirit so I know this isn’t easy for you but right now you need help, and the more you relax and let others help you the sooner you will be back to your feisty independent self.
Take care 🙏🏾❤️

Can anyone offer me any comfort regarding my estranged daughter. She is now 54 with 4 beautiful children. Many years ago she just cut off contact, nothing. After 18 years she made contact and we were allowed to meet our Grandchildren - all well cared for polite children.
After a couple of years she said can't do this anymore and stopped contact. I have just accepted this, but it breaks myheart. I'm 81 and feel I don't have many years left - I don't think there is anything I can do, I can't go crawling and begging. Anys advice would be greatful!y received.

Hello Dogsjj and welcome to the support thread.

I'm so very sorry but there really is nothing you can do I'm afraid. It's such a shame that after 18 years she decided to resume the relationship, introduce you to the GC you'd never met and then estranged you for the second time.

I wonder if it would have been better if she had she stayed away.

By accepting how things are, you have done the only thing that you and all estranged parents can do. Treasure the memories of those few years that you were seeing her and your grand children, something that after 18 years you probably thought would never happen .

I'm sure you will see more wildlife when you move Babs. Hope all goes well tomorrow for your GS's final operation, bless him he's been through a lot as have you all .

Lovely photo Yogin; very atmospheric . Hiring someone who sings and plays the guitar sounds great and will certainly be a treat for you and your guests.

Good to see your post Whiff, hopefully you'll be back home soon. Hospitals aren't the best place for relaxation and recuperation, both of which you need so fingers crossed you'll be back home soon .

Just a quick one going home later when my daughter fetches me. Will catch up with you all and our new posters once read the back pages .

That's wonderful Whiff x

Back to your own bed Whiff, nothing like it!
Babs, hope all goes well with your grandson x

Thanks all for best wishes re - GS had op this morning but we go to London tomoro when he comes home, they don’t allow visitors and only one parent in the recovery room. Bless him he is still smiling and has accepted some milk and a little food. Very disorientated and upset by the anaesthetic, they said that he is older now so will become more upset when coming round. But is a success and the docs are happy with him 🙏🏾 so whatever else happens this year am already over the moon with 2025.
Great news about you going home Whiff, you must be so relieved to finally be in your own surroundings, your own bed and able to do what you want without staff buzzing around, though I imagine the staff were a reassuring presence at times.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

Dogsjj

Can anyone offer me any comfort regarding my estranged daughter. She is now 54 with 4 beautiful children. Many years ago she just cut off contact, nothing. After 18 years she made contact and we were allowed to meet our Grandchildren - all well cared for polite children.
After a couple of years she said can't do this anymore and stopped contact. I have just accepted this, but it breaks myheart. I'm 81 and feel I don't have many years left - I don't think there is anything I can do, I can't go crawling and begging. Anys advice would be greatful!y received.

Hi Dogsjj and welcome to the thread. I have to echo a lot of what Smiles has already said, my eldest daughter resumed contact after an initial estrangement then cut off again, this time for 11 years. After all that happened I doubt we will be reconciled. We also have two beautiful granddaughters who are in their teens now, whom we last saw as babies.
At 81 you really need to consider your own wellbeing, whatever time you have left make sure you do something you enjoy, even if it is something quite simple, life is far too short to weep for too long over what we can't have. We realise this now and have made our peace with the way it is.
Fact is our adult children hold all the cards, if they cut us off we can't do anything about it, and crawling and begging in our case didn't do any good whatsoever, it just reduced us as people.
I do, however, imagine your grandchildren are older children, maybe in their teens? Perhaps after spending time with you and getting to know grandma they will seek you out in their own time. It may not happen but at least there is that chance, but don't bank on it, get on with your life as best you can and do post again to let us know how you getting on.
All the best.
xxxx

Dogsjj, how unbelievably cruel. Did your daughter ever say what had made her estrange you for 18 years, also why contact you. How do you understand her mind set. Could you ask her husband? It’s not rational what she has done.
I daresay you have tried to talk to her and been rebuffed.
I made the decision after many years of. being estranged that there was no going back, couldn't go through what I have again as I hit rock bottom. I sympathise and understand fully how you feel but look after yourself..

@Allsorts, hitting rock bottom is like a little death, I did it and even now can't remember how I started to inch my way back up again. It is brutal and am so sorry you felt like this too. Am sure many on this thread have felt the same. As a mother who loves her estranged daughter I am glad she never felt like this, that she got on with her life, her career, and apart from an overwhelming anger and hatred directed towards myself and her father, has done extremely well.
I will take that. But I will never understand it. Or forgive.
We survived, we now have a life in which we have learned to be at peace with ourselves and a calm that helps heal if not erase the scars.
We were at rock bottom but never again, now we have earned our place in the sun.
Take care
xxx

2 lots of good news on here today Whiff is home and Babs GS has had his op and recovering well, so good to hear.

You'll be so pleased to get back home to your lovely bungalow Whiff and what a lovely thoughtful DD you have.

Babs I hope that's the last op for your little GS and his back home resting.

Doggsjj as others have already said, there really isn't anything you can do. Why? we all puzzle this, with no answers. Perhaps now you have met your GC you could have a relationship with them now, wouldn't that be lovely. Take care

Didn't realise how much I have missed so having to start at page 1.
Smiles 30-33 support threads shows how much it's been needed and continues to be . It's funny looking back hearing women on the bus saying they never see their children or their son and daughter don't see eachother . I used to wonder why but never thought there was blame anywhere . Just thought lack of time meant they did see eachother. Sounds naive but never heard the word estrangement. Didn't know that's what it was called until it happened to me . And found the support thread my lifeline .

Mandymoo glad you found the thread . And hopefully it will help you . But at least here you can say how you feel without fear of judgement or blame . We bring our children up with good values and once adults have to let them go and find their own lives . Never expecting one day they will turn round and decide you not long wanted or loved .

I remember an episode of Sex in the City when Carrie got dumped by post it note and thinking who wrote that in the script was cruel . Little did I know I would be dumped by email.

Mandymoo as said many times estrangement is a living grief. And like real grief you go through all the stages but everyone goes through then in a different order and at a different pace. And it's hard to accept your child could be so cruel and do this to you.

Babs it's awful when our estranged children are believed and we are not . I have no idea why that is. What hurts is what lies they tell our grandchildren while they are young. If they are adults then they see what's happening themselves and make up their own minds about whether to have a loving relationship with their grandparents or not .

crazyH , Pantgas and Bridie lovely to see you still with us .

Baby, do glad you grandsons operation was successful, what better news for the start of the year.
Whiff, so glad you are home and you make aswuft recovery, pain free.
Dogsie, wise words from Babs, at 81 no use wondering how to fix what you can't, make every day now count for yourself. My d ruined my good years because I let her, my d travelled the world leaving all from her past behind.
Yoga, your birthday celebration sounds lovely, sons thing yo really look forward to. I haven't celebrated mine for about 12 years because without my daughter I couldn't as I felt such a failure. However I think differently now.
Love to Bridie, D Lil, Sparkly and all of you. Hope I haven't left anyone out as it's very early.

Babs, typo I did not write baby.

Allsorts, its hard to move from hope to accepting the situation isn't going to change, I can do it most days , but its those special days that take me down.
I'm pleased you can now accept your situation, after so many hurtful years , take care.
Lovely seeing you back Whiff, I hope you are taking things easy and on the mend.

Both hospitals had free WiFi so was able to read the thread. Amazed myself for connecting to it without help .

Jaffacake thank you for your good wishes. How are you and your daughter ? I hope is recovering well from her operation and with the good news everything was benign can plan for the future. Your Irish friend is a marvel always there for you . Hope your own health has reached a stage where you can cope with it Hope you are going over to have a break with him .

Hilltop and love0c thank you for your good wishes .

Smiles I get angry and what my son and daughter in law have said and done . I put up with things and never said anything because I lived far away and only saw them every few months and when they came to me only stayed the day. Where as my daughter and son in law stayed a night or 2 depending on work. And looking back the atmosphere was different . My son and daughter in law always exchanging sly looks and they only stayed a set amount of hours . The excuse was always traffic.
I don't usually put up with bad behaviour no idea why I did for years from them . But I had had my parents and mother in law to look after . I suppose I just wanted an easier time with them and no dramas already had enough of those daily .

Funny both my children and partners had wanted me live closer for years . When I finally could all seemed happy at first. Saw my son a d his 2 eldest every week for 7 months . Never invited to their house once I moved . And boxing day 2019 was so odd. My daughter in law just sat and crochet and only talked to me if I asked a question. How I wish I had rammed that crochet hook where the sun doesn't shine .

Being disgusted with our childs behaviour is the perfect description Smiles . But they live in cloud cuckoo world they think they are the perfect parents I know for a fact my son and daughter in law aren't as no such thing . Be interesting as my grandsons age 8,6&4 now . I know how much my daughter's boys want to know about family especially her eldest . He loves funny family stories of my parents and grandparents. Plus what my brother and I got up to . And of course what their mom was like as a little girl.

My brother phoned yesterday and had a long chat. I love my sister in law to bits but her own sons don't bother with her only Christmas and her birthday. Luckily my nephew and nieces make up for their uncaring . Funny enough their own mom is a living nightmare but they have never given up on her.

Allsorts yes our children are cruel and cowardly that was the hardest thing for me to come to terms with that my son was a cruel coward and should have told me to my face I would never see him or hear from him again. Yes I would have cried but he had to put his family first. Instead he talked about putting paving down for me knowing full well he was going to send the email .

I will be back 😄