Estrangement

I am indeed lucky with my dil. However Pascal I have to agree with you, I meet a lot of people and a lot of younger girls are
are very dismissive of mil as they see a competition they don’t need, the guys go along with it so its as much their fault. Also a friend of mine was very jealous of her dil who she thought was too bossy but no more than she was. I guess it takes all sorts. I do think mil of sons have to step back, I know I did, because he would always choose the mother of his children over me but as I say thats never been a problem, I expected her to want her own mother over me.

Allsorts

I am indeed lucky with my dil. However Pascal I have to agree with you, I meet a lot of people and a lot of younger girls are
are very dismissive of mil as they see a competition they don’t need, the guys go along with it so its as much their fault. Also a friend of mine was very jealous of her dil who she thought was too bossy but no more than she was. I guess it takes all sorts. I do think mil of sons have to step back, I know I did, because he would always choose the mother of his children over me but as I say thats never been a problem, I expected her to want her own mother over me.

I think you are very wise Allsorts

Allsorts

I am indeed lucky with my dil. However Pascal I have to agree with you, I meet a lot of people and a lot of younger girls are
are very dismissive of mil as they see a competition they don’t need, the guys go along with it so its as much their fault. Also a friend of mine was very jealous of her dil who she thought was too bossy but no more than she was. I guess it takes all sorts. I do think mil of sons have to step back, I know I did, because he would always choose the mother of his children over me but as I say thats never been a problem, I expected her to want her own mother over me.

Men are responsible for their own relationships. They are not passengers in their lives.

Married women with MILs are not “young girls” any more than we MILs are merely “old women”.

The misogyny is uncalled for and most certainly can be a reason between the disconnect. It’s off-putting and rude.

Thank you for your post @ 10.19 pascal. As estranged parents who had a wonderful relationship with our ES for 27 years until he married and they had their first child, it's tiresome to continue to see posts that suggest that coercive control from an AC's partner is not, or is rarely the cause of estrangement.

It is I agree as much the fault of the son who goes along with their partner's demand to ostracise his parents and estrange them Allsorts.

I've never understood the need to compete, whether that comes from a d.i.l. or m.i.l. The relationship between a parent and their child is completely different to the one between husband and wife.

Several years ago our ES told his brother that he'd given up everything for his wife; for his sake, I hope it was worth it.

BlessedArt

Allsorts

I am indeed lucky with my dil. However Pascal I have to agree with you, I meet a lot of people and a lot of younger girls are
are very dismissive of mil as they see a competition they don’t need, the guys go along with it so its as much their fault. Also a friend of mine was very jealous of her dil who she thought was too bossy but no more than she was. I guess it takes all sorts. I do think mil of sons have to step back, I know I did, because he would always choose the mother of his children over me but as I say thats never been a problem, I expected her to want her own mother over me.

Men are responsible for their own relationships. They are not passengers in their lives.

Married women with MILs are not “young girls” any more than we MILs are merely “old women”.

The misogyny is uncalled for and most certainly can be a reason between the disconnect. It’s off-putting and rude.

I think you mean misandry...

Allsorts post is neither IMO.

I said what I meant. I mean what I say.

Smileless2012

Allsorts post is neither IMO.

I agree..

It is absolutely sexist drivel placing blame on women for the choices of men, using diminishing language to describe adult women. How up in arms would this site be if we flung around terms like “old ladies”? It’s uncalled for.

when I look at my group of friends, lots in other parts of the country, ALL of them that have been estranged have been because of a DIL.. so I would strongly question the comment made by Luminance

Of course it is, you've only heard one side of the story.
It's easier to blame the DIL than their son and it's easier to blame the DIL than look at their own action and what could of caused the divide.

Quite, March.

It seems to me with some of the posts we see here on GN that it's easier to blame the parents who've been estranged; twas ever thus.

As I and Allsorts have already said, the sons in these cases are just as responsible as their partners, so I don't understand why this has been ignored overlooked.

I and the other EP's talk about our own experiences and pascal has referred to the experiences of people she knows.

I was replying to Pascals comment.

And I was responding to yours March.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

OhMyF

Oh my god you sound exhausting to have as a mother. Your child couldn't meet YOUR (very needy) expectations so now you no longer feel love for them? The most evidence of "love" you can muster is that he was smiling in every photo? That is so damn shallow, I don't think you have any real clue what love is; which is self-evident given that you have lost your "love" for your child because he didn't baby you enough with cards and visits?

Jesus christ, get a grip. Who is the parent and who is the child in this relationship? You may be 80, but you sound like a child. Thank goodness this world won't have to tolerate your presence much longer.

OP was expressing her angst. No need to be dismissive.

I've reported both OhMyF's posts Norah, they're offensive rather than dismissive and the poster's chosen name says it all.

Smileless2012

I've reported both OhMyF's posts Norah, they're offensive rather than dismissive and the poster's chosen name says it all.

Correct. Offensive is better term than dismissive.

This bit is logical I don't think you have any real clue what love is; which is self-evident given that you have lost your "love" for your child because he didn't baby you enough with cards and visits however poorly written.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

And I was responding to yours March.

Ok?
My opinion still stands.

Well I saw no value in your posts OhMyF and neither did GNHQ which is why they were deleted. If someone has anything of value to say they should be able to do so without resorting to childish and offensive responses.

My opinion stands too March.

My opinion stands too March.

I never said it didn't.

Or you could just all agree that every case is different! Sometimes fault lies with the DIL, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes fault lies with the EAC, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes fault lies with the EPs, sometimes it doesn’t.
Things are very rarely 100% one way or the other, and we should all be able to respect each other’s views based on our own unique experience, & not project our own situation on to someone else’s different one.

A lot of us do agree that every case is different stillawipp and have been saying so here on GN for years, but there's always someone who'll come on and suggest that it's the fault of the EP regardless of what they say.

The EP's on here aren't stupid. We've seen posts from EAC who eventually managed to break free from their abusive parents and have given our support and understanding.

IMO it's not the EP's who are the problem; we're the ones repeatedly given a hard time as the deleted posts demonstrated.