Have you ever estranged a relative?

Thank you GN .

DreamDee

Yes, my husband and I are in the pipeline to become estranged with his parents. I joined hoping to find others who estranged a family member, but it does seem the majority of these posts are from people who had estrangement happen to them rather than the reverse.

Unfortunately, my MIL's behavior was getting to the point where it is far easier to not talk to her at all. She was always a little off (would become enraged easily and fly off the handle) but it got 10x worse once we were engaged.

Want to buy a new car? She doesn't think that's a good idea and will harass us and try to convince us to do things how she would. Full temper tantrums, hours long phone calls, constant text messages.

Want to have your wedding the way you want? Nope.

Countless screaming phone calls over inane crap. She wanted us to spend hundreds on outfits for the rehearsal, tried to call our venue that she was not paying for in any way to make changes without our permission, emailed our vendors to make changes or add 'a surprise' (which was just an idea we already shot down). She lost it when we selected our date, was angry that I had a smaller bridal shower, was pissed that she 'wasn't included'. Kept saying she was losing a son.

She also bad mouthed our wedding planning to people at the wedding, was sour during the photos because it was raining (like that's our fault), and complained that the photographer didn't get enough pictures of her. Despite all of this, she posted about our wedding to FB (before we did and without asking) acting like it was her day. I was in two of the 15 photo collage.

She failed to realize that we actually had plans of including them, but she ruined it. She couldn't have a single phone call with either of us without becoming enraged.

We are cutting her off if the next conversation goes poorly about house hunting. She is a newly licensed real estate agent and, despite living 2 hours away from us, believes that we MUST use her as our agent. If we don't, she's said that our relationship will never be the same and that essentially she'll never forgive us. Nevermind the fact that it is never a good idea to use family for such a purchase, but she is also inexperienced, doesn't know our area, would have to trek two hours to show us any homes and, of course, she historically has made everything harder!

We are still months out from being ready to buy, but she keeps suggesting properties to us. All of which are outside the area we want to live (which she knows) and most of which would put me well over an hour away from my job (that doesn't matter because I can always 'get a new job', according to her). All the properties she's sent, though, have been conveniently closer to her though!

The whole family enables her. They either lie to her, or give into whatever she wants, even if it's not in their best interest. My BIL was convinced out of buying a new car and instead took their old clunker (and paid them for it!) and it died not three months later, so he was out that money and had to buy a new one. All to avoid her wrath.

Even my husband's childhood friends have spoken of her issues. None of them wanted to go over his house growing up because of her volatility. She is also a permanent victim in her own head. I don't think I've ever heard her utter a real apology. The best you'll get is "I'm sorry, BUT"

She outright told my husband that she doesn't view him as an equal. She's called him names, called me names, and called my parents names.

She often posts in FB 'empty nest' or 'estrangement' forums and I've seen a few of the posts. She never actually admits she's done anything to cause the estrangement. Only that her 'evil DILs' (his other brother and wife are also teetering on no contact) have stolen her boys. That they were turned against her. That a 'son is a son until he takes a wife'. No reflection, no accountability, no desire to repair that would require any work on her part. We are expected to simply come back to the table and accept that she will always be like this and that 'she won't change for anyone' (her words).

As tough as I'm sure it is for her, and I have no doubt that this is deeply hurting her, it has come to a point where we have to choose between enabling her to 'save' the relationship or letting her go and hoping she gets the help she needs to have a productive and positive relationship with us.

That sounds pretty bad, and I don’t blame you for wanting to estrange your MIL. The one thing I would suggest before you do, however, is to have an honest and open conversation with her about it. Actually, it’s your husband who should be having this talk. Make sure she understands what she does that hurts you, what it means to go NC and lay down clear conditions under which you would be willing to continue the relationship. She might not be willing to change, but at least you can rest easy knowing that you tried and it was her decision in the end.

Yes, I have estranged my mother and sister- I turned 60 and decided I could not continue in relationships with them.

I have had to go no contact with my sister and her grown up children. It was to protect my mental health, as they were emotionally abusive, with no boundaries. Sadly, it looks as though my daughter has gone no contact with me. I think she has done it due to her mental health. Upsetting as it is, I have begun to accept it. There really is nothing else I can do. I have been through the 7 stages of grief. It's like someone has died, the person I had hoped she would be differs from the person she is. I do realise that it is not about me, but her, but that still leaves a painful sense of loss, and disbelief. At the end of the day, we have to accept how things are and try to move on. I hope that this helps. I hope that things will improve for you. Time does eventually heal, and perhaps things will get better. I'm still an optimist at heart, despite the sadness. Good luck. Don't give up hope.