Daughter in law too.....? That's very telling. For example, if my husband had a complaint about his mom(and he did have a few), that's his issue, not mine. I would not participate in doing anything to hurt her. I mean, it's not my place.
So for a daughter in law to participate, as you included her in the putting you through something, usually tells me, she was part of the problem to start with,...... especially if your relationship with your son was good before.
It boils my blood. I am not completely estranged, but the actions of people in my daughters life, namely ex husband and his sister, have caused a rift that unfortunately created a huge wall between me and my daughter, which looks permanent.
You can be the best parent, have the best relationship to the point that others tell you how lucky you are (it was that good for me once) and still some self important jerks come along and ruin the entire thing, especially if your kid looks up to those people, are excited by their lives or, as in her ex husband, fall in love with them.
I think it boils down to selfishness of others and their jealousy of good relationships that they themselves may not have had.
So they have to tear down other peoples good relationships, They subtly critique, criticize and finally just convince that they are there for them, not the parents.
They work to posess that person's love and devotion, in the parents place. I think sometimes its the same thing that motivates someone to break up a marriage, to be so important that nobody else matters, not a loving wife, great kids, in laws, etc.
And unfortunately, parents cannot compete with upscale friends or lovers.
We lose, everytime.
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