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Estrangement

I miss my babyboy so much.

(62 Posts)
jendepressed68 Mon 16-Mar-26 16:21:34

I try really hard to manipulate and gaslight myself into just thinking I don't care but I do. I miss him everyday. This is a burden that I have been carrying for almost ten years now. I come home and sometimes I almost forget how much joy and soul he brought into the little dump I call home. I dont even know where he is today. I have been thinking about hiring a PI and try to contact him once more but I dont have the money for it. I locked away his room and everything but sometimes I relapse and I find myself going in there and just looking around, smelling his clothes, touching his books etc. The room hasn't changed at all, I preserve it. Its basically a museum to my babyboy. I just hope someday he comes back.

fancythat Thu 19-Mar-26 17:33:51

young|Man did have some points though.

A son would be mortified, embarassed, ashamed, the talk of college or whereever.

And although I can fully understand the term babyboy, and this is a place to vent, it does perhaps show a glimpse of things?

fancythat Thu 19-Mar-26 17:34:26

I do hope though, your therapy goes well op.

Smileless2012 Thu 19-Mar-26 17:48:06

It's a shame 'he' wasn't able to express the good points he did make without being offensive. A clear case of projection IMO.

Allira Thu 19-Mar-26 17:55:23

Smileless2012

It's a shame 'he' wasn't able to express the good points he did make without being offensive. A clear case of projection IMO.

That's right.
If he had presented his point of view calmly and rationally, it might have been productive to think about the son's point of view.

Smileless2012 Thu 19-Mar-26 17:56:45

A missed opportunity Allira.

PearlsBeforeSwine Thu 19-Mar-26 18:04:01

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TheSunRisesInTheEast Thu 19-Mar-26 18:04:33

I think we can all see the situation from the son's point of view, his mum can too, and she's very sorry about it. Let's not kick the woman when she's down. She needs lifting up.

butterandjam Thu 19-Mar-26 18:06:17

BlueBelle

It’s not clear to me who you are talking about, a baby you lost at birth or afterwards, a grown child who has left home, a boyfriend walking away, a husband who’s left you !!
Whatever it is I m sorry you are so sad, ten years is a long time to carry such sadness

If you're going to comment, at least do her the courtesy of reading her post which makes her situation perfectly clear

butterandjam Thu 19-Mar-26 18:50:21

avitorl

Someone posting as youngMan seems a bit out of place on a Gransnet Forum

This forum is for discussing estrangement, and Gransnet posters are not limited to Grans, parents, or women.

SORES Thu 19-Mar-26 18:53:53

nor harridens, sadly

jendepressed68 Thu 02-Apr-26 16:34:23

I am not so clear about whether to make a new post each time or add comments to this older thread but from the time ive been here it seems though that making new posts all the time isnt the trend here so i will add my future thoughts to this very thread.

While contrary to the perceptions that some have on this forum I am not perpetually sad or depressed but it comes by like waves on a sandy beach. Some stronger than the other but they are always there. I suppose i feel guilt because i call myself a highly sensitive person, i really am.

I find myself unable to snap out of other people's pain. I put myself in other people's shoes at times a bit too much. Things on the news can bother me for days and sometimes even weeks. While I was a people pleaser who was very vigilant to make sure that I hurt no one and made myself acutely conscious of other people's pain and at times went out of my way to help them, yet I was unaware of my own child's pain, pain i had caused him.

I keep thinking about things that transpired and i dont understand why I couldnt read the room better. Why i was so blinded by whatever I was blinded by. I vividly remember my last interactions with him. At times I get vague dreams about incidents that transpired between us months before estrangement. I dream about my son often. I think about him often. Wherever he is I hope he is happy. He was an angel who has a heart of gold. I was blessed to have him in my life and I am sure he has people around him who recognize him for what he is.

He was bright and brilliant. I always knew he was capable of amazing things. He was so smart and talented I'd joke to myself that its a miracle that such bright boy was born to someone who was dumber than a bowl of soup. I am sure he must have accomplished wonderful things in his life by now and he is probably not done yet. I'd give anything to just be around him and watch him do his magic and experience the joy he brings to everyone. Things will hopefully get better and someday the universe will reunite us.