How should a family manage an estranged relationship?

Smileless2012

IMO it's unrealistic to expect those who have been estranged not to talk to other family members about it Norah.

We were frequently asked especially in the beginning if there's been any contact, how we were and how we were coping. After 13.5 years we're no longer asked about contact but are still asked how we are and how we're coping at certain times of the Year. Christmas; birthdays; mothers and fathers day.

Least said soonest mended well after years of estrangement this clearly hasn't been the case for us and for many others.

As for whether or not one parent should continue the relationship with the AC whose estranged the other, that is something only they can decide. It needs to be a joint decision and it needs to be looked at again if the reality is causing problems for the one being excluded which could also undermine their relationship.

Mr. S. and I had that conversation years ago and decided that any reconciliation would have to include both or neither. Without the support we had from one another, I doubt either of us would have come through this. We come as a pair; united we stand and I think that divided we'd have fallen.

My answer to the stated question was my opinion.

When thoughts differ, staying silent serves me well. I'd not be airing my laundry to all and sundry. I'd choose continuing my relationships.

Your opinion is different to mine. Not right or wrong, different.

Not right or wrong, different absolutely Norah.

As someone who did the estranging, I want the other family to stay out of it on my end. My mother tried to use one of my siblings to get information from me so I had to block him too.

What they say about me or whatever support the wider family gives my mother is not my concern. It only bothers me if it involves me.

No one but EAC actually know what it's like to realize you must cut family off for your own good. It's a selfish decision, no doubt about it. Making that choice to be selfish is really difficult. I knew who the extended family would support so I understood the gravity of the situation.

But you wouldn't know unless you had to do it. I was at a tipping point with my health and my decision has saved me. I didn't have any choices left except this one.

To my family I'm heartless and self-centered, and my mother was a great mother to me that I betrayed for no good reason. But that perception doesn't harm me so I'm not worried about it.

Are there any ladies who can give me advice regarding an elderly husband who drinks to excess and talks and behaves in an unreasonable manner while drunk. I should explain since retirement he drinks every day starting early afternoon until 7.30ish or so. I feel my life is being wasted by this behaviour. I have been diagnosed with an illness which causes fatigue etc and I feel I simply can't stand this selfish behaviour. It's pointless trying to discuss his behaviour with him as he is one of these people who thinks he is always right. It is all very tiring and to be honest embarrassing. I simply don't know what to do about this at my time of life. Any advice would be appreciated.

You probably meant to start a new thread, i expect.
You're likely to get more responses if you do, as fhis thread is about estrangemt and tends to be not a widely used one by people who aren't estranged.
It doesn't matter, but people will respond more elsewhere, on, say fhe "chat" or relationships forums.

In the meantime, a lot of people would advise building a seperate life, even if you are under the same roof.
Make friends of your own, go out and about without him, amd leave him to his own devices.
Perhaps have a bedroom of your own, decorated to your choice, so its a restful retreat, away from him.

JAN1954

One thing you might consider is looking into Al-Anon. This is a program for people who are affected by someone else's drinking. They can offer support, encouragement, and advice on how to cope.

Good advice from MissA and agnurse JAN and as MissA has suggested, you might do better starting a new thread on the Relationships forum for example.