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Estrangement

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Reducing contact because my heart just isn't in it.

(4 Posts)
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lovethepuppies Wed 15-Jul-26 09:42:13

I don't want to post the details. It may be identifying for anyone who knows the situation and I don't want that for anyone.

I have finally reached a turning point with my parents. They have really shown me where I rank. I think I want to back off a little but I don't want to hurt them either. I just feel my heart isn't in it feeling the way I do right now. I don't want them to visit (they live far away, so that's not something that happens much anyway). On the other hand, I know they aren't getting any younger. I do believe in the saying not to cross oceans for people who won't jump puddles for you though. It really shows what place you have.

Is there a way to gently pull back with as little pain to anyone as possible?

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Oreo Wed 15-Jul-26 09:52:10

Of course, just reduce the amount and duration of texts, phone calls and emails. Allow them to contact you first sometimes.
Maintain a relationship and see what happens.Parents aren’t perfect and have their own troubles and insecurities.

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lovethepuppies Wed 15-Jul-26 09:54:28

Yes, I am aware. I have adult children. I did raise them very differently and, fortunately, it seems to have worked with them.

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stillawipp Wed 15-Jul-26 11:53:25

I’m so sorry that you’ve found yourself in this situation, lovethepuppies. It’s a credit to you that you are thinking of them & not wanting to hurt them, even though you are hurting yourself.
You say that you have finally reached this point….have you tried to explain to them how you feel and what has brought you to this point? Do you think it is possible for you to work with them to improve things before taking such a drastic step, which would be so difficult for all of you?

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