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Everyday Ageism

So how old do you think I am? (Don’t answer that!)

(158 Posts)
MawBroon Thu 25-Oct-18 12:33:29

Recently in M&S the assistant was extolling the virtues of a super big M&S at the other end of MK in an area I try to avoid because of the complicated roundabouts!
When I said this she agreed but added “but good that you are still driving, my mum has given up now.”
She must have been in her 50’s at least - how did that make me feel?
PS I am70 , and IMHO do not look my age, whatever that may mean!
Do I need a new moisturiser or lippy?

Nandalot Thu 25-Oct-18 12:35:55

Perhaps she just looked very old for her age. Early thirties perhaps?

MawBroon Thu 25-Oct-18 12:37:45

hmm I don’t think so!
But even if, what about the praise for “still driving” ?

Bathsheba Thu 25-Oct-18 12:45:14

Oh dear, I think she needs more customer relations training 🤭

Fennel Thu 25-Oct-18 13:00:34

I know how you feel, Maw.
I was coming out of one of our older ladies meetings the other day and young man pointed to a walking stick near the door and said 'don't forget your stick!'
A kind thought but I was a bit offended.

Grammaretto Thu 25-Oct-18 13:11:25

Ouch!! That happens to me too. We all find it hard to guess ages. Don't we? Or are people just being polite when they say oh you don't look it!
I am now careful to say which big birthday I've just had for fear they might assume I'm 10 years older.

I can never guess ages unless a child or baby looks about the same as one of mine. Then I hazard a guess but that can be dangerous too.

Maybe the assistant's mum was a child bride. I know a 60yr old with a 25yr old granddaughter.

Rufus2 Thu 25-Oct-18 13:49:28

'don't forget your stick!'
Fennel; and you didn't beat him over his head with said stick? Well done! grin
At least he didn't add "Grandma"?
I'm frequently being complimented about my youthful looks; but modesty forces me to reply "you can't judge a book by its cover" sad

loopyloo Thu 25-Oct-18 14:39:17

Mawbroon, it's a good excuse to buy a new moisturizer and lippy! I don't care now, I am just glad that I can still see, and walk along in the sunshine.
No that's not true. I hate being treated like an old person. People tend to dismiss what you say. Very easy to lose confidence.
I think she was expressing a sadness that her mother no longer drove. She could be an ailing 60 to 70 year old year old.

Riverwalk Thu 25-Oct-18 15:00:23

I recently enquired at the ticket office in a mainline station about times and cost of a journey to an outer London suburb. 'You can use your Freedom Pass' was the crushing reply grin

I'm a mere 64 and totally amazed that anyone would think I'm anywhere near that age - I'm too young for a Freedom Pass, but being in London I have the 60+ Card which is just as good.

Just had a new passport photo too - look every inch my years as ya not allowed to smile! Whenever I check myself in the mirror, thinking not looking too bad, I smile inanely. All very sad grin

GrannyGravy13 Thu 25-Oct-18 15:17:40

The nice (?) man at the Kiehls counter in Debenhams just asked me if I was ok, along with "oh my lovely can you manage" and "hopefully you are going home now as you have rather a lot of bags"!!!!

Charleygirl5 Thu 25-Oct-18 15:40:16

The first thought that came to my mind was where were your bags, in your hands or under your eyes!!!

GrannyGravy13 Thu 25-Oct-18 15:44:09

Charleygirl 😂😂😂😂😂😂

After a sleepless night, and week 5 of builders and decorators (at least 5 more weeks to go) my eye cream is good but not miraculous!!!

Baggs Thu 25-Oct-18 16:26:51

I don't get this touchiness about age. Is it real?

MawBroon Thu 25-Oct-18 16:51:11

Yes it damn well is Baggs I drive 300. miles to Scotland, 150+ miles to Somerset , regularly (weekly) drive to and from Birmingham (150 mile round trip) or to London, the same and I think I am entitled to feel patronised by somebody who seems to think I need congratulating on “keeping on driving” 😡

fiorentina51 Thu 25-Oct-18 16:55:13

We took the grandchildren to a local NT property recently and whilst I was helping one of them to tidy up after an art activity, one of the volunteers said to him,
"When you and mummy have finished, why don't you take a selfie by the Halloween display?"
I did turn around expecting to see his mum....but it was me she was on about!
I'm 67 and he's 5.
Perhaps she wasn't wearing her specs that day. 😨

MawBroon Thu 25-Oct-18 17:02:33

Apologies for snapping Baggs it’s not the age, it’s the assumption that the faculties are fast dropping off.

merlotgran Thu 25-Oct-18 17:20:35

Maybe you invited the remark by commenting on the complicated roundabouts?

MawBroon Thu 25-Oct-18 17:26:00

merlot I have lived in Bucks for over 33 years and have always found the roundabouts in Bletchley a total nightmare.

Jessity Thu 25-Oct-18 17:33:29

OH and I were recently described to a third party as "that very well-spoken elderly couple". Eldest DS heard about it and laughed himself silly. I was miffed. I take care to look my best, good haircut, decent well-cared for, well chosen clothes, good but not over the top make up and don't think I look my age (74). Elderly!!!!!!! But I share the view above, it's bad enough being called elderly, but even worse (which we didn't get) is being patronised.

Baggs Thu 25-Oct-18 17:33:50

Faculties do drop off as one ages. More so for some than for others but I think it more or less happens to everyone to some extent.

When I read the opening post it occurred to me that the shop assistant wasn't really thinking about the person in front of her at the time, but about her mum, presumably of the same generation as maw (could be ten years younger or older), who doesn't drive. I think she was just being chatty.

And my initial comment I actually do mean quite literally. I really don't get it. Perhaps I just don't care what some complete stranger thinks about my age.

Baggs Thu 25-Oct-18 17:36:37

I think 74 is elderly. Some people of 74 will appear to be, and actually be in respect of failing faculties, older than others of the same age. So what?

Baggs Thu 25-Oct-18 17:39:59

I think what I'm trying to say about the opening post is that, as I see it, the remark wasn't about the person it was spoken to but indirectly about the person speaking.

M0nica Thu 25-Oct-18 17:46:29

There are an awful lot of nervous drivers around, of both sexes and all ages. My DDiL hasn't driven since she had children in case she had an accident and the children were in the car or she hit a car with children in it. Another friends was so nervous she almost drove with her eyes shut. I went away with her in her car once and swore I would never do it again.

When I was in my early 40s a neighbour congratulated me after watching me park the family Volvo Estate and said I was so brave to drive such a large car - she would be terrified to do so.

I reckon this lady and her mother were just congenitally nervous drivers who are terrified driving anywhere except down a dual carriageway with no other cars in sight.

Scribbles Thu 25-Oct-18 17:52:04

More years ago than I care to remember, I bought a pair of boots and, when I went to pay for them, the 20-ish salesman asked me if I had the store's over 60 discount card. OK, they were very sensible bad-weather boots but even so ... I was 45 at the time!!!
When I treated him to my death stare, he hastily said, "oh, forgive me. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that we get so many young looking over 60s in here, I tend to ask everyone ....". Yeah, right - but full marks for a fast recovery!

Gonegirl Thu 25-Oct-18 17:52:37

I'm 77, and I know I'm getting old now. I quite like people to recognise the fact and show a bit of care. Makes me feel slightly cocooned. It's the lemons and lemonade thing again.