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Everyday Ageism

So how old do you think I am? (Don’t answer that!)

(159 Posts)
MawBroon Thu 25-Oct-18 12:33:29

Recently in M&S the assistant was extolling the virtues of a super big M&S at the other end of MK in an area I try to avoid because of the complicated roundabouts!
When I said this she agreed but added “but good that you are still driving, my mum has given up now.”
She must have been in her 50’s at least - how did that make me feel?
PS I am70 , and IMHO do not look my age, whatever that may mean!
Do I need a new moisturiser or lippy?

helenmabr Fri 26-Oct-18 10:32:20

When l was young everyone over 40 looked old and l could never tell how old they were. Now l am 64 everyone under 40 just looks really young and now l can never tell how young they are!

sarahcyn Fri 26-Oct-18 10:33:03

Riverwalk, to be fair, a lot of people in London think the 60+card is called the Freedom Pass.
I don't care what it's called, I'm totally all over the town now! Brilliant!

sarahcyn Fri 26-Oct-18 10:34:13

I can remember being shocked and disgusted to discover that Clint Eastwood, who I'd been happily lusting after, was FORTY. Forty! Ancient! Yuck! What was I thinking!

Nannan2 Fri 26-Oct-18 10:36:06

I was wed at 16- had my first child by 17- my daughter had her first at 18-consequently my eldest grandchild is nearly 21! Im 55 and no thank goodness i dont look it-none of the girls in our family look as though theyre ageing thanks to good family skin/genes on my grandmas side.grin(doesnt stop me feeling 90 some days though)lol grin

mabon1 Fri 26-Oct-18 10:37:49

Ageist

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Fri 26-Oct-18 10:38:40

I'm wearing well so I'm told but on holiday some years back (aged 55) with my late teens dd I was standing outside a fitting room when a member of staff said "oh do take a seat it's so tiring out with grandkids isn't it"!!! We left without purchase having anything, I was really upset my dd thought it hilarious Now in my 60s everyone says "no you can't be that old"! grin

sandelf Fri 26-Oct-18 10:38:41

On the nicer side - I was recently on the tube and a chap offered me his seat as I got on - I said no thanks I'm fine (thinks 'do I look that old') then as the time passed and I'd had a look round the carriage, I was definitely the oldest person there. And had I needed a seat would have been glad of it. And people say manners have declined - not always smile

Diggingdoris Fri 26-Oct-18 10:38:57

I recently had to take my 13yr old granddaughter for a hearing test and was asked, 'are you her Mum?'. I was very flattered at first then I wondered if the lady should have a sight test, as I'm 67 and have the wrinkles and grey hair to prove it.

Daisyboots Fri 26-Oct-18 10:39:09

Thanks Baggs for nothing. No. At the age of 74 most people these days are not elderly unlike our grandparents generation. I still drive long distances, even Portugal to England, alone although I admit it is more fun with company. Age is just a number and you can't lump everyone together just because of their age.
Keep on driving MawBroon and ignore the lady whose mother has given up. My DM gave up driving at the age of 70 because my Dad said it wasnt worth running a card with them living in London and having free transport. He never drove a car but she would have liked to have continued to drive. I can't ever imagine wanting to give up driving myself.

welshchrissy Fri 26-Oct-18 10:39:49

A couple of years ago I was flying to Cuba the plane had an unusual arrangement in that the toilets were down a spiral staircase quite a novelty on a plane. However at the age of 63 after making a visit I hesitated at the bottom step before going up because a passenger was coming down the stairs , this was as the instructions told you, when the young lady behind me said in a loud voice don’t worry dear I’ll be right behind you if you slip. Sh had mistaken my hesitation for nervousness not politeness. It’s a good job I am polite because I resisted the urge to flatten her

Lancslass1 Fri 26-Oct-18 10:47:52

On the other hand....
When we recently took our cat to the vet's I saw a notice on the wall which said "10% discount on Consultation fees for over 65s.
I asked the Receptionist why it hadn't been mentioned before and she said it is too embarassing because people like me don't look their age and she didn't want to offend anyone.

Crazygran Fri 26-Oct-18 10:49:16

I am almost 64 and feel it but am lucky enough to have good genes so am told I don’t look my age.
A few times I have been reffered to as “ your Mum” when out with my young Granddaughters. My dear Son says the people who say it need to go to Specsavers. What a cheek, he should be glad he has my genes as he looks much younger than 38!

Nannan2 Fri 26-Oct-18 10:49:57

Tut Tut MiceElf- now your going the other way& assuming youngsters are bad drivers! My son (20 last wkend) is youngest to have passed in our family at just 19& hes a really careful good driver- however ive witnessed myself the number of times hes been 'cut across' on rds by usually older drivers in more expensive flashier cars who dont seem to think rules like indicating etc apply to them as theyve been driving so long!SO-not all older drivers are the same,but neither are the young ones!hmm

grannybuy Fri 26-Oct-18 10:53:30

Two of my ex colleagues took early retirement at 55, and immediately stopped driving. We lived in a very small town with one quiet roundabout, and one set of traffic lights. When their husbands were ill they had to rely on friends, neighbour's and taxis. I'm 70, and have done all the driving for the past three years as DH's PD worsened. Two years ago, we moved to a city, notorious for it's driving conditions. I'm so thankful that I'm still confident enough to cope, but I do understand that some people can't. In a nutshell, Maw Broon, you could easily be a nervous driver, in your fifties.

Lancslass1 Fri 26-Oct-18 10:54:07

Daisy boots,at 74 I would have agreed with you.
At 78 (just) and having free transport in Greater London I would not mind giving up the car if my husband suggested it.
I used to be happy driving hundreds of miles each year but not any more.
I travelled on the M25 on Monday .
It was a nightmare.
Give me an Uber taxi any day of the week.
I bet it wouldn't cost much more to travel if I did go by taxi or public transport but it would not of course be so convenient.

Nannan2 Fri 26-Oct-18 10:55:22

Yes i have same situation as some of you- my youngest 2 'kids' are now 20& 15- but luckily no one seems to assume im their gran not their mum hopefully as im younger looking.and often out with younger GC im mistaken for their mum.Long may it last i saysmile

GabriellaG Fri 26-Oct-18 10:56:29

It isn't how old you yourself think you look nor your biased nearest and dearest Perfect strangers are a good indicator. sadgrin

Lancslass1 Fri 26-Oct-18 11:00:51

MawBroon,your ordinal comment made me think of a time when my sister (age difference 5 years) and I were at a Dinner .
We mentioned to someone we were sitting with that we were sisters and he asked which one of us was the elder one!
Answer-the one (me) who was smiling

Nannan2 Fri 26-Oct-18 11:08:47

Yes i too would consider 74 'elderly'- and im 55- dont the government consider pension age as elderly?i bet you all wouldnt say "oh no its fine i dont need my pension you can keep it-i dont consider myself elderly" would you??gringringrin

GillyEB Fri 26-Oct-18 11:10:24

Go Baggs! Go Girl
Mawbroon this is a discussion site not a boxing ring! Shame on you.You started the fight not the thread.I think the shop assistant hit a raw nerve?

grandtanteJE65 Fri 26-Oct-18 11:13:05

I too would have found the remark tactless, Maw.

I think partly because we grew up in a time that has idolised youth more and more and from regarding older people as more experienced and wiser than the young, society is more and more inclined to regard us a doddery old nuisances.

Another aspect is that we probably all quite naturally shudder at the thought that the day may come when we no longer can or ought to do some things we have done all our adult lives.

I have had to accept that I am no longer able to ride a bike safely - that hurt, on the other hand I am thrilled to be able to afford to hand shovelling snow over to a younger neighbour.

Personally, I find growing old gracefully quite hard sometimes.

DotMH1901 Fri 26-Oct-18 11:19:18

I am 63 and, like my gran, I don't look my age - I often get included as 'Mum' when I am out with my grandchildren who are 15, 11 and 9 - my grandson just sighs and says 'That's my Nan' smile When they were little I was out with the two older ones and the littlest one in her pram and they called me Nanny then. I had a lady ask me in the cafe we were in if I was with an Agency as her daughter was looking for a reliable Nanny to look after her new born baby when she went back to work. Did make me giggle.

HunnyBunny Fri 26-Oct-18 11:20:44

Many years ago,while at a presentation event at my children’s school,I was sat near the back in the school hall.
A teacher came up to me and told me that the elderly people have reserved seats at the front, near the stage.

I was only 42!

Granted, I started to go grey in my late teens, but still. ?

Baggs Fri 26-Oct-18 11:22:25

Well, I still don't get why people feel the need to take so much offence at something so trivial as someone making an off the cuff remark. As I said before, I don't think it was 'about' the OP but about the assistant's mother. I don't think the assistant was expressing surprise that maw was still driving but, rather, regretting that her mother wasn't.

I still don't get why anyone in their seventies has spasms about being thought elderly. I really don't. Compared with most of the population of the world, it is elderly. Elderly isn't an insult. It's a harmless description, just as child is, or adolescent. Taking umbrage about such expressions as elderly only adds to silliness and ageism. If elderly people just responded with a "Yes, I am and so what?" or "Yup. Elderly and great" it might take the wind out of the sails of ageists.

Megs36 Fri 26-Oct-18 11:29:01

Agree with Gonegirl, if comments are kindly and helpfully said just accept them, could be a lot ruder. I know someone who hates someone offering a seat on a bus or train or offering an arm (ses 87!) Bring it on Isay??