Patronised!

I’m sorry but I think you were grumpy and took offence where none was intended. The young girl was very helpful in my opinion, you have to think to a youngster everyone over 50 or so are ancient, perhaps her grandma can’t use the internet. Poor girl did her best.

I don't think anyone can tell anyone else how to feel, and it's not fair to invalidate someone else's feelings. If Scribbles felt patronised it doesn't matter whether anyone else would have felt the same, and to suggest otherwise is patronising in itself.

Doodledog I think we all accept that the OP felt patronised, and no-one has said she shouldn’t have felt that way, or ‘invalidated her feelings’ as you put it.

What we are taking issue with is her reaction to feeling patronised.

If you think someone is patronising you, you have the choice of feeling upset, and responding unkindly or even rudely, or you can get your sense of humour out, see the funny side and rise above it.

Yes, I concede that I may have been a little harsh. My tongue runs away with me sometimes although I've mellowed slightly as I've got older.

I suppose it stems from my own approach to life which is to assume everyone can can do everything unless and until they tell/show me that they can't. I might have been less critical if the sales assistant had been a 16 year old in her first job but I felt that someone of this woman's apparent age really should be a little more savvy about how to deal with people.

Another time, in a different frame of mind, it may have just passed me by un-remarked. Actually, I feel a little bit chastened now about my snotty exit so I guess that's some kind of justice.

How simple can it be to inform a customer 'this can be obtained on xxxxxx
Don't make assumptions they have / do not have the internet or even worse know how to use it.?.

Over reaction in my opinion, she may have been a little tactless, but she was trying to be helpful.
Not particularly clever to be rude to someone who has gone the extra mile for you.

Scribbles

Scribbles don't fret over it.

Perhaps if it had been said jokingly it might have been better but neither you nor she will probably say that again!

janeainsworth

Doodledog I think we all accept that the OP felt patronised, and no-one has said she shouldn’t have felt that way, or ‘invalidated her feelings’ as you put it.

What we are taking issue with is her reaction to feeling patronised.

If you think someone is patronising you, you have the choice of feeling upset, and responding unkindly or even rudely, or you can get your sense of humour out, see the funny side and rise above it.

You are right about the reaction being the important thing, but comments like ‘lighten up’ or ‘ you should have . . .’ are, IMO, invalidating.

Scribbles feels chastened, when she probably just wanted a bit of support. We all react differently to things, and I feel quite hurt when I am treated as though I am ‘past it’, and whether others would laugh it off isn’t really the point for me.

It is a shame that this ruffled your feathers after she had been so helpful. I usually assume that people are trying to be kind and well-meaning as a starting point. It is clear that this young lady was trying to help and her unfortunate comment may reflect her family experience of older relatives using the internet.

Maybe you could just have said that you were computer literate and thanked her for her help rather than putting her down when she had gone out of her way to help you.

I'm with you Scribbles. An assistant in M&S recently when explaining offers, asked would I know how to download their App. I replied rudely too on the spur of the moment. But really, staff should be trained better.
At least we will have made them think.

It sounds as though she was being helpful, trying not to assume you had computer access, not patronising.

They just can't win, hey. She probabybly has an auntie or a Gran who does not have the internet or a modern phone- and was trying her best to help. Honestly, why be so cutting and unpleasant!?!

I would have smiled and laughed, and said something like 'thanks for being so helpful, but I'm not THAT old and I do use a computer daily, lol and winked. Why get all mardy about it!

And next time, what will she do? What a pity.

Hmmmm, ok, so if that was me, I wouldnt care less, i would view it in a positive way opposed to a negative way, positive being that the girl was being very helpful and i would make a joke out of what she said and we would both stand in the shop laughing, BUT thats me, see the bright and positivity side always...

Poor girl! She was only trying to be helpful. The younger generation think us oldies are incapable of using technology. Maybe they are right to a certain degree in my case. I would have found it amusing ?

I’m always pleased if someone is helpful and would never discourage them by being rude even if I don’t need the advice offered. Kindness is a rare thing in this world. I never use the word ‘patronising’ and have never considered myself patronised by kind and well-meant words. If someone called me ‘dear’ it would please me. It’s a sign of kindliness. Some people are so prickly.

Callistemon21

Help, this elderly numpty needs help!

I used ^^ around my quote, without spaces, but it didn't work ?

^but it didn't work^

Perhaps you might know somebody who can explain it to you dear

? ? ? behind ? ???

MimsinMaine

Screw her. I personally think that being condescended to is poor customer service. I think you were absolutely right to leave. A call to the store manager wouldn't be a bad idea, either.

What a vile post, aggressive in the extreme. The young assistant was trying to be helpful, a better response would have been it's ok I can do it myself. Screw her what a way to talk. Very immature, stupid and unreasonable. Grow up.

Maybe in the past she had had a string of more mature customers who confessed to not being computer savvy, so she just thought you would be the same.

I would have found it amusing
I might have laughed too.

But I do realise that today's youngsters invented the wheel!

How simple to ask if a customer has access to the internet via her phone or a laptop (well occasionally in the deepest depths of the country coverage can be patchy) and take it from there.
That seems very sensible, MayBeMaw

At one time standing on the garden gate, balanced precariously, arm held above head, was the best place to get a reception here!

Chin up, Scribbles, I bet you wish you'd never posted.

MayBeMaw

Callistemon21

Help, this elderly numpty needs help!

I used ^^ around my quote, without spaces, but it didn't work ?

^but it didn't work^

Perhaps you might know somebody who can explain it to you dear

? ? ? behind ? ???

Anyone? Anyone?
Please ?

Maybe70 'Oh bless', drives me nuts too.

M0nica

Maybe70 'Oh bless', drives me nuts too.

Nobody has ever said it to me. I'm beginning to feel left out. Not!

I don't remember ever feeling patronised either. I have, on occasion, thought that someone was being a patronising eejit but that was easily dismissable as their problem rather than mine. Is it patronising to mentally dismiss a patroniser as an eejit?

Agree wholeheartedly with Allsorts. I’d have simply smiled and said thank you. Life’s too short to take offence where I believe none was intended.