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Everyday Ageism

Patronised!

(180 Posts)
Scribbles Thu 20-Jan-22 15:20:38

The culprit intended to be helpful but it has left a sour taste in my mouth.

I am away from home at present and while I was out this morning, I saw a pair of shoes. I wanted in a store display. They didn't have my size but the saleswoman (approximately mid 20s, I'd guess) checked to see if any were available in the central warehouse that could be sent to my local branch of the shop for me to collect.

There were none in stock but more are expected soon. So far so good. This helpful lass then wrote down the product ID number "so that you can ask your local shop staff to check when they come into stock". She then added the store's website details, adding, "That's so, if you know someone with access to the internet, you could ask them to check for you if they're available."

In an instant, all the goodwill generated by her general helpfulness evaporated. I hope I withered her with my glare.
"Why would I do that?" I replied. "I am perfectly capable of doing it myself with my phone or any one of a half dozen other devices that I've been able to operate quite competently since before you were born."

I picked up the paper with the product number on it and walked out. I know it's a first world problem but it rankles - and I don't think I even want the shoes now.

Daisymae Fri 21-Jan-22 11:30:50

I wonder if you are being hyper sensitive, this is someone who was doing her level best to provide you with what you wanted? I would have just said that I have internet access thanks and not given it a moments thought. I would also have thanked her for her assistance. She would have felt pleased she could help and I would have been pleased that I may have access to what I would like.

jaylucy Fri 21-Jan-22 11:31:01

Oh please! The poor girl was trying to be helpful - I bet if she hadn't added the info and commented that it was there if you needed to get help, she'd have had her head bitten off for not advising you!!!
Customer service staff have to cover so many bases for so many people.
Ok, she could have asked if you had or used a computer (but no doubt that would have been wrong as far as you were concerned no doubt), but do you really think she reads minds as well??
Customer service is a difficult enough job as it is without people getting huffy over a completely innocent comment.
I worked in customer service for over 10 years and really got tired of people with your attitude!

Elizabeth27 Fri 21-Jan-22 11:32:53

I know about 10 people in their 80s, of those only 2 use the internet. Obviously, everyone on here is capable but that does not mean all older people are.

I, also know of older people that use the age card when wanting help when really they are quite capable.

I don't know your age but to 20 years olds, anyone over 50 is ancient.

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 21-Jan-22 11:35:20

Me too Ali. I bet that really ruined her day and might even put her off trying to be so helpful in future. I had one client who was often extremely rude. It was upsetting. But he was a good client in terms of the amount of work provided and he knew it. But I’ve never forgotten what a rude b*stard he was, many years later.

Fashionista1 Fri 21-Jan-22 11:37:18

Over reaction, you should have politely pointed out you had internet capability, thanked her for her help and left the shop with the paper she had so kindly written out.

Sago Fri 21-Jan-22 11:37:33

When picking up my son from school once, I lifted my boot lid to put all his kit in, a father of one of my sons classmates ( nasty bully) saw lots of recognisable shopping bags in the boot.
We had just come back from a business trip and had bought loads of Christmas presents!
He said “ oh I see you’ve been spending ****’s money”
I was furious so ignored him, he repeated himself so I explained it was 2005 and he needed to keep think before he spoke.

Unfortunately it rebounded as his horrible son started his bullying campaign on our son!

His son was eventually expelled.

Happysexagenarian Fri 21-Jan-22 11:40:35

I imagine it was just the way she'd been trained. I think you were a little hard on her, she was just trying to be helpful.
Though it would have been better if she'd said "Do you have internet access, if so then you can . . . .etc etc" In many areas broadband is still limited, so putting it that way no offence or embarrassment is caused.

knspol Fri 21-Jan-22 11:43:29

I would just have laughed and told her I could manage to do that myself especially as she'd gone out of her way to be so very helpful. That way you'd have felt happier and she would have learned a lesson but in a pleasant way. Mind you hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Mildmanneredgran Fri 21-Jan-22 11:43:34

Scribbles, are you still in the same location? I see you said you away from home. If you're feeling a bit troubled about your response, one thing you could think about doing (if you want to, of course, and if you have time) might be to pop back into the shop and either apologise to the assistant in person for your snappy response, and thank her for her excellent customer service, which is had been up until THAT remark, or the manager if she isn't in. And maybe suggest that they ask if she has internet access and would be comfortable accessing it for this purpose.

Mildmanneredgran Fri 21-Jan-22 11:44:26

Apologies, the last sentence should read "they ask if customers have internet access etc"

Grandpanow Fri 21-Jan-22 11:45:25

It sounds as if you were quite rude to her. Poor girl.

SueDoku Fri 21-Jan-22 11:50:54

Germanshepherdsmum

I wonder if some here are the sort that would give a younger man a rude put down if he politely offered them his seat on the bus? Would that be considered ageist and sexist rather than kindness and good manners?

Kindness and good manners would have asked whether the customer had access to the internet - whatever their age - and then given the appropriate information; assuming that 'old people' are ALL computer illiterate is neither kind nor polite - it's bloody rude..!
I'm with the OP here - and yes, I'd be contacting the store too to point out that, as computers have been in common use for the last 30 years, such assumptions really are patronising and should be discouraged.

PinkCosmos Fri 21-Jan-22 11:56:32

Doodledog - It would have taken a few seconds to ask if the OP has access to the Internet, and offered a different way to check the stock (eg a telephone number) if the answer was no

I agree with Doodledog. The young girl was trying to help but she could have worded it better so that it didn't sound so patronising. The OP didn't need to be so rude. Gives us old people a bad name grin

Marjgran Fri 21-Jan-22 12:06:23

Perhaps her precious customer had bridled at the suggestion they check on the Internet, and been cross it was being assumed she could and wanted more help? ….

annodomini Fri 21-Jan-22 12:06:50

The OP's experience exactly mirrors mine. About ten years ago (when I was only 71) I was looking for a dressing gown for DGS but his size wasn't available in M&S, so a helpful assistant asked if I knew someone who could look for it on line for me. I did give her a piece of my mind and I'm sure she would never make the same mistake again.

Yellowmellow Fri 21-Jan-22 12:07:20

I'm with you 'Arewethereyet'. The young lady had been really helpful. She crossed the line and.learnt a lesson lm sure, but so unnecessary to be curt with people. There are ways of saying things and getting your point across without being sharp .

ALANaV Fri 21-Jan-22 12:13:04

Not all all would I have been offended !! I am ancient but I do have skills with IT etc.......ok maybe I DO sometimes lose the plot with my new iPhone .......but anything I need to know is only an ask away .............maybe you were being a tad sensitive !
grin

Skye17 Fri 21-Jan-22 12:15:02

It was patronising, but I think you overreacted.

Mummer Fri 21-Jan-22 12:15:54

Ha haaaaa! That's hilarious !! What DO they think we've been doing all our lives?!? I would be hard pressed to to have shot back at her with " your mum and dad must be glad of you at home? Doing all that stuff for them! Luck " them.......

emilie Fri 21-Jan-22 12:24:50

How could anyone be so nasty?

HillyGirl Fri 21-Jan-22 12:33:41

I share your frustration. I have mobility problems and ordered a personal alarm device in case I fall. An engineer called to install it. He said "Oh, did you get someone to order this online for you?". He looked quite surprised when I said I'd ordered it myself.

Witzend Fri 21-Jan-22 12:36:42

On two occasions I’ve had female sales people direct all their remarks at dh.
Both ages ago now. First was someone quoting for double glazing. She wore a see-through blouse and batted her eyelashes at dh a lot, ignored me completely.

We’d had another quote, much the same, from a bloke who addressed us equally.

When the time came to choose, dh said, ‘I think we’ll go for Ms See-Through Blouse.’
‘Oh no we bloody well won’t!’ said I, ‘not after the way she batted her eyelashes at you and ignored me completely!’
Serve her right!

2nd occasion was when we were selling a house, the buyers were endlessly messing us about, and every time the (female!) estate agent rang, she said, ‘Can I speak to your husband?’

I dare say I should have said something at the time. Instead I just seethed - but also (after even more messing about) I advertised the house privately in The Times - and sold it to a no-messing buyer. Very satisfying!

Cambia Fri 21-Jan-22 12:37:51

Poor girl. She probably won’t be that helpful again! No need to be so sharp I think. We are supposed to be older and wiser, they are still learning.

Caleo Fri 21-Jan-22 12:44:48

Stereotyping is a form of rudeness. Customers are individuals not types.

Buying and selling is not simply buying and selling a product it's buying and selling an experience. I too would have gone off the shoes. Assistant was badly trained.

GoldenAge Fri 21-Jan-22 13:02:33

Scribbles - poor girl! Would you have reacted the same way had this been one of your grandchildren? She will have been trained to be as helpful as possible and actually I guess her job as a shop assistant, especially selling shoes and having to pander to strangers' feet, is pretty unrewarding. You may well be totally computer-savvy but there are lots of 70+ year olds who are still on nokia phones and think tablets are just for headaches.