90 yr old ‘spoiling’ our Bridge group

Sorry, Gingster, I’m not sure if there is a solution to this!
Good luck though

That's a difficult one! Does the lady realise that she is extremely slow?

Sometimes players do ponder for a bit too long and you think to yourself 'oh, just be brave and get on with it, it's not a matter of life or death!'

But if someone is extremely slow it does make it very hard for the other three.

Maybe the organiser could have a private word with her.

Yes, you can easily lose all interest.
It’s like that when DH and I play scrabble.
Mind you, I’m sure that he feels the same way about me when we play cards

DH plays bridge like that and he is only 77!!! He has always been really slow (even when he was in his university team) - but good.

Is she playing 'properly'?

When MIL was in her late 90's she went to a few U3A bridge mornings but found the other players were not very good and very slow. So she didn't go back. That's always an option for you, I guess you move around so you are not playing with the "slow" person all the time, perhaps it's an act of kindness to just be accepting of her slowness, it may be the highlight of her week!

Yes she is playing properly - sometimes we have to remind her if she’s ‘dummy’ or what contract we’re in but she knows what she’s doing generally. We do move around and have different partners each week but it holds the whole group up when one table is sooooo slow. There were 20 of us yesterday.

Can the person moving the boards give her table 'average' score for a board if not finished when all other tables are? It's not a penalty but does draw attention to slow play. If only one or 2 boards are averaged during session it would probably allow all to be played by everyone else.
Some clubs use a timer for each round, eg 20 min for 3 boards call a warning when nearly out of time but that's not always popular!

How often do you meet? Our U3a things are once a month.

Set up a second group for more advanced play, which would include time limits?

We have three bridge groups. A beginners and leisurely, an improvers and an advanced, deadly serious😬

Can you have an egg timer for everyone?
We had ones that did different lengths of time when the children were small.
30 seconds, 1 minute and 2 minutes I think they were

Or those chess timers?

We used to play bridge in the house and one lady, only in her late 60s,insisted on bringing her notes and going through them before bidding. It was very annoying and she just laughed when we commented and said how stupid she was.
Eventually one of the ladies left saying she was going to play with nicer people!

Farmor15

Can the person moving the boards give her table 'average' score for a board if not finished when all other tables are? It's not a penalty but does draw attention to slow play. If only one or 2 boards are averaged during session it would probably allow all to be played by everyone else.
Some clubs use a timer for each round, eg 20 min for 3 boards call a warning when nearly out of time but that's not always popular!

I was going to suggest a kitchen timer!

In that way she may not realise it's just aimed at her but she might speed up.

I agree with Lathyrus - if you have enough people, set up a second tier that is time-based. She may be perfectly content to stay with a slower group. She may have no idea that she is causing problems for the group. Is she the only one who is slower, playing with a group of whizz-kids?

Thanks for all the suggestions.
I think the timer might be a good idea so I’ll suggest that to our leader.
She gets a bit flummoxed if we gently remind her to speed up.
We say ‘come on S or we’ll be in trouble. ‘.

It’s such a shame, as we don’t take it too seriously but this is getting too much .

I run a u3a bridge group which has several people who aren't as fast as they used to be. We just accept it. We are happy that they are still playing and realise that it could be us some day. If that table hasn't started their last board when most others have finished we tell them not to play it and score it as "Not played".

I know nothing about bridge so I apologise if this is a stupid comment. Is it possible to have a couple of separate tables but still in the same room for beginners and slower players? You could have her teach beginners the basics

She’s 90. She’s going out. She’s playing. She obviously enjoys. Either all move around the tables or just accept that she is a marvellous 90 year old who is still active and socially interacting.

"It was very annoying and she just laughed when we commented and said how stupid she was.
Eventually one of the ladies left saying she was going to play with nicer people!"

I am not surprised that one of the ladies left to go and play with nicer people.........imagine how hurtful it must be for someone to say you're stupid!! Disgusting behaviour regardless of the circumstances.

kircubbin2000

We used to play bridge in the house and one lady, only in her late 60s,insisted on bringing her notes and going through them before bidding. It was very annoying and she just laughed when we commented and said how stupid she was.
Eventually one of the ladies left saying she was going to play with nicer people!

Not surprised the lady left.. I’d leave too if I was being told I was ‘stupid!’

Doesn’t sound like a very nice group at all. Hope she found somewhere better where people were a lot nicer

Oh dear !

This is an awkward situation .

Playing Bridge keeps your brain active and is important -therefore if timers don't work - I would say definitely say something or start another group .

One of my close friends ran a club for elderly people .

It was a great deal of work and frankly , some of them were horrendous !

One used to be extremely drunk , another would flounce out after shouting at people and another brought her extremely disturbed husband along .

We had many discussions on how to deal with the situation .

We decided to grin and bear it .

The lock down caused the breakdown of the group .

Since then , my lovely friend has died and what really shook me was the extremely poor turn out at her funeral .

I wonder if the "laughed.... stupid" statement would be helped with additional punctuation. Although I did at first read it as that the group had laughed at her, I wonder if the notes-reading player, "laughed, when we commented, and said how stupid she was"?

I read it that the player in question said she was stupid, not anyone else. I hope that’s what happened.

Re being ‘stupid’ - I’ve had a few patches in the last few years where I’ve had what’s known as ‘brain fog’. I also suffer from chronic pain and don’t sleep very well. I wouldn’t bother joining a bridge club, because I’ve never been able to play it very well, and I’d be hopeless now. I might well call myself ‘stupid’ if I get something wrong, if so I’m comparing myself with how I was before the brain fog hit!

I think it’s likely that if it’s suggested to this lady that she’s spoiling the group for others, she’s likely to leave and not return. I’d be really hurt by that, even though I know my own limitations. I’m afraid I can’t see any likelihood of her speeding up if she can’t play any faster. She may be having a wonderful time!

Ailidh

I wonder if the "laughed.... stupid" statement would be helped with additional punctuation. Although I did at first read it as that the group had laughed at her, I wonder if the notes-reading player, "laughed, when we commented, and said how stupid she was"?

That’s how I understood it too