Finding a way to carry a mobile phone is a good idea. Bum bag? Clothes with pockets? Small phone? (mine's an iphone mini for that reason).
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Everyday Ageism
I know she means this kindly, but she is driving me nuts!
(97 Posts)Since my husband died nearly a year ago now, my foster-daughter has turned into a mother hen!
How do others deal with kind advice, offered politely, out of the goodness of her heart, but maddening?
Lastest example: I have a bruised couple of toes at present, as a heavy cast-iron pot stand had by some mysterious means adhered to the pan I had stood on it, and fell off, as I was carrying said pan to the sink.
I had, of course, not noticed I was carrying the pot stand as well as the pot.
Third and fourth toes of my right foot are badly bruised and sore, but not broken. I am 72 and was a dancer in my young days, so I know exactly what to do with bruised and sore feet and am doing it, with remarkably good results two days after the accident.
But the dear girl has started the "you must ALWAYS have your mobile phone on you" song-and-dance act she revels in.
I have told her that none of my pockets are large enough to accommodate the phone safely, that I cannot have it in a pouch hanging round my neck, as I have never been able to bear anything hanging round my neck and that I have no intention of carting a handbag around with me everywhere!
I have also told her that my phone is usually more-or-less within reach.
Do I really have to tell her that if I fall down with the phone on me and need to use it to call for help, that the blasted thing will probably have been broken when I fell?
Or bite her head off and say that I lived ALONE from the age of 16 to that of 48 in a world without mobile phones. I went out and about on my own at the late hours performers do on their way home after work, walking or taking night buses, as I seldom could afford a taxi and never could afford a car?
Or do I have to put up with the dear girl treating me as if I were senile, or otherwise of diminished capacity because I LIVE ALONE?
I did not chose to be widowed; God made that choice and I am living with it, but I refuse to be nannyed!
Rant over.
Helpful advice gratefully received on how to shut her up!
I think you should be very grateful that your foster daughter is looking out for you
I don’t see what is so difficult about having a phone with you most of the time it doesn’t have to be on you just near by
I also don’t see in your message actually what your daughter has said wrong she’s just urged you to have your phone near by and so you should
Pride comes before a fall
I speak as someone once stuck in a loft with a back injury (in my forties) and no phone on me. Since then I like to have it handy.
After my DH died, my DDs wanted me to always carry my phone with me, or have one of those alarms to wear round my neck! I didn’t want one, so try to carry my phone and now have an Apple Watch which will alert someone if I fall. I also try to remember that I’m not as agile as I was and that carrying out certain tasks may not be sensible any more! I’m grateful that my DDs help as much as they do.
My SisIL fell down her back steps, hurt herself and couldn't get up. She could have lain there all night in pain, getting cold and wet but luckily a neighbour did hear her, came over and called for an ambulance.
She said she should have listened to her son and carried her mobile phone with her.
It doesn't sound to me as if your foster-daughter is treating you as senile! She sounds very caring and her advice to be able to summon help if you live alone is totally sensible. There are many people who would love to have someone to take an interest in their welfare so take it as a compliment and be grateful.
It really is a sensible idea to keep your mobile phone on you. I recently had a knee replacement and tucked my mobile down my bra so that I had it on me at all times.
Take a breath, forgive your foster daughter for caring.........and how about wearing a small bum bag to put your mobile phone in?
Her mind will be put at rest and you will always have your phone handy in case of emergency.
And stop referring to her as 'the dear girl.'
🙄
eddiecat78
She's distressed about losing her step-father and now she's frightened she might lose you too. Try to be more understanding
I was just about to write exactly what eddiecat78 has already said.
Our goddaughter is losing her Mum to dementia. She fusses over us from a distance, the frequency is increasing as her Mum gets more lost to her. We've both been unwell and she has been very worried offering all sorts of ‘helpful’ advice that has half amused and half irritated. I remind myself she cares and I shouldn’t be irritated, it’s hard at times for sure grandtante, I do let of steam to friends when it feels a burden rather than caring then I can switch back into slightly amused mode. Often the suggestions have some sense in them, just a bit ott. I think your foster daughter wanting you to have a phone with you is the same and yes, exaggerated by fear of losing you too. Perhaps an inexpensive smart watch would be both safe for you and keep your foster daughter reassured, or simply reassure her your phone is always within reach (if it is). We sometimes find a compromise with our goddaughter is worth it to lower her anxiety.
eazybee
And stop referring to her as 'the dear girl.'
Yep , you totally lost my sympathy referring to her as ‘the dear girl’
Oh for a caring daughter... please appreciate this gem in your life
Smile and nod - continue on as you wish.
Be grateful that your foster daughter cares so much for you .
She must love you and it's wonderful to be treasured .
She's right - you have to be careful .
Apart from endless chest infections I'm recovering from a fall .
One of my family sent me a rare text so I mentioned it to him - no response .
I wish that I had someone who cares .
I keep my phone charged and at hand .
I have to contact a neighbour or friend if I'm desperate for help
You could put her phone number into Alexa, in case of an incident indoors.
Everyone who is older and lives on their own should join a scheme where they wear an emergency button in case they fall. You don’t have to wear it round your neck. You can wear it like a watch.
Everyone who is older and lives on their own should join a scheme where they wear an emergency button in case they fall.
That's a very bold statement Imarocker and totally unrealistic.
I use my bra as an inside pocket so always have my phone on me.
Make the most of her kindness.
We have 2 Alexas, as long as we can yell loud enough she will call our emergency contact.
NotSpaghetti
^Everyone who is older and lives on their own should join a scheme where they wear an emergency button in case they fall.^
That's a very bold statement Imarocker and totally unrealistic.
Maybe currently unrealistic, notspag, but it's something to aim for. I certainly think it's achievable. Why not?
I know someone who writes software for wearable medical arm gadgets with, for example, the aim of delivering correct doses at correct times for people who might forget or otherwise not be able to administer their medication themselves. Early days but surely within the scope of human ingenuity.
Just say 'yes'. Also - with regard to '' so I know exactly what to do with bruised and sore feet and am doing it''... do tell, please.
You must have been a really lovely foster mum - she clearly loves you very much! As others have said, she is also mourning. Your little "I don't need looking after - yes you do" double act is perhaps your way of showing each other love...
You sound 'fiercely independent' - a good thing, but go easy on the fierce bit.
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