Eureka! I have discovered the cloak of invisibility!

Invisibility is one of the more infuriating aspects of widowhood!

Definitely to do with Ageism, (but discrimination against the young), when I was 18 or maybe 19, I went to Marks & Spencer (no such thing as M&S back then) to buy a pair of smart, soft leather gloves. They were expensive, over £2, so I wrote a cheque. The hoity toity Sales Supervisor saw the assistant accepting the cheque and pounced. She demanded to know how come one such as I even had a chequebook. It had to have been stolen or something. This was just before Barclaycard and subsequent credit/cheque guarantee cards were introduced (with a limit of £30). I was furious and demanded to see the Manager. She replied that was what she also had in mind as she thought he should call the Police.

I saw the Manager (a middle-aged man in those days, of course). He was polite and friendly and just asked me where I worked. I told him. He apologised and told the Sales supervisor to do the same and go and complete the purchase. She did, but if looks could kill, I would have dropped dead on the spot.

Aveline

Years ago I worked in a posh department store. Credit and debit cards were just coming in and we're not common. If a customer wanted to pay by card I had to phone 'accounts' and would be asked what they looked like/ were wearing etc. Turns out a sheepskin coat got the seal of approval!
We used to get lots of travelling people in buying the most expensive gold plated china but they paid in cash peeled off from huge rolls.

Turns out a sheepskin coat got the seal of approval!
😁
One of the first things on my shopping list when I first started work was a sheepskin coat! They were very 'in' back then. However, I didn't have a debit or credit account, just a cheque book.
The second item on my list was driving lessons.

NotSpaghetti I am sure men can experience forms of negative bias - not just women.

I used to take DD to baby swimming and there was one dad there, all the rest were mums. I was older than all the other mums and I was the only person who ever spoke to him.

I just asked DP if he ever felt ignored when out and about and he looked at me as if I was going crazy.😄

Years ago I worked in a posh department store. Credit and debit cards were just coming in and we're not common. If a customer wanted to pay by card I had to phone 'accounts' and would be asked what they looked like/ were wearing etc. Turns out a sheepskin coat got the seal of approval!
We used to get lots of travelling people in buying the most expensive gold plated china but they paid in cash peeled off from huge rolls.

I'm sure men can experience forms of negative bias - not just women.

​In female-dominated retail/service places I'd think a man might be ignored or treated as an outsider - maybe stores for women's clothing, cosmetics, or at childcare or primary school education meetings maybe (though this is less about being ignored as a customer and more about professional bias).

​In high-end or specialized retail any customer, regardless of gender, can be ignored or treated dismissively if the sales staff perceives them (often based on appearance or age) as not in their "demographic".
This might be that they don't "look like" they have the funds or don't appear to have a "serious intent to purchase" whatever high-status items are being sold... This is a class/status bias I know but men who don't fit the expected "wealthy buyer" stereotype could experience it.

​Both men and women may be ignored due to overworked or inattentive staff, or aggressive sales tactics focused on high-value sales.

I think men do feel ignored - just not as much.

That's probably because people haven't read all the posts. Don't take it personally

Babs03

May just be me but often feel I wear a cloak of invisibility on Gransnet.
Must just be a very boring contributor 🤨

Me too. Often but by not always.

I also find that I write something and further down the thread somebody, better known than me, makes the same point and is greeted by a chorus of approval and yellow handclaps.

😂

Esmay

Being old as well as female doesn't help either .
I'm tired of being spoken to like an idiot .

I've just decided there's advantages to having to wear glasses.

Way back when I used to think "I'd be more attractive without them - wish I didnt have to wear them" (nope I couldnt get on with contact lenses).

Now I see the advantages of wearing them - as one is automatically more likely to be taken as intelligent (ie "Don't pass her over and ignore her for a man"). Some pennies take a long time to drop. Having finally had them drop - note to self "Must wear my glasses around the house too when workmen come round for anything". I've been wondering why it's harder with workmen - it could be because I don't need my glasses particularly for just being in my house and so I don't wear them. I've been wondering too what the explanation was for the fact it took so long/so much effort for my troublesome neighbours to take me seriously and stop being such a nuisance (ie they usually see me without my glasses too).

Sorted - glasses at all times in future (even in my house) if there's someone around. You can't miss my glasses - they're very academic type looking ones and not "feminine little things".

Goes off kicking my own arse for not realising that may be helpful sooner.

I don’t think that men are ignored anywhere! In the bar, the car showroom or in any shop at all.

This is a funny old thread.
So many people think the answer to being ignored is to be just as rude back.

I'm not sure that's the answer really.

Most of these are about car showrooms. I wonder how many men have been ignored in the past when buying (say) knitting yarn or cake decorating products?

Just a thought.

I have to say that when I have bought cars, yes, even last year at my age, I have been treated with the utmost respect.

Being old as well as female doesn't help either .
I'm tired of being spoken to like an idiot .

I think as women, especially older women men seem to be biologically programmed not to rate us, always putting another man first.

Why does anyone feel they’re invisible on a forum? Actually we all are!😁but our opinions are here for anyone to see.I don’t expect to be answered or even agreed with tho it sometimes happens, it doesn’t matter at all.

Babs03 I always think your posts are interesting.

A few years ago I was shopping in Asda, I was at the fish counter, the guy who was serving was talking to a man, who I thought was a customer, but apparently not, because another man came up to the counter, stood in front of me, the guy who was serving turned to him and asked what he would like, I said ,,,excuse me I'm next, I've been here for ages, no your not ,he said , this customer's next, I turned to the girl packing the shelves and asked her if she could see me ,or was I invisible..the guy serving then asked what I wanted, I told him I WAS going to buy salmon, but told him where he could shove it , then walked off and reported him. I never saw him at that counter again..

Having already had a rubbish day, the final straw came when a doorstep salesman asked if he could speak to the head of the house. I abruptly told him he was speaking to the head of the house. Never seen such a sharp embarrassed exit

At a West End theatre, at the bar before the show. They had a good system in theory; you could order drinks a few days before. But, you then had to present yourself at the bar to pay. This was about 10 years ago, I hope the system has improved now.
I was right at the front but the bar man served those to the left and right of me first. I began waving my cash at him! When he looked over my head to serve the man behind me, my husband, who had been to the gents and was now at the back of the room shouted that I was next. The man behind me agreed and said he was about to protest too that I was next.
It took the shine of a lovely evening.

Thanks Aely, maybe not as invisible as I feel sometimes then 🌹

Babs03, you aren't invisible, nor was your post. I thought " I don't think I would have had the courage to say that" when I first read it.

I can’t say I’ve ever been ignored, I bought my car five years ago, although my husband was there, all dialogue was with me through to payment.
I’m 5’11” and usually a smiling soul, maybe the height helps.

I’ve got two looks, my invisible one (which I quite enjoy as no trouble) i.e. specs on, anorak, jeans, baseball hat, no make up etc. and glammed up. I do pretty good glammed up even if I say so myself.
I get better service and more attention glammed up. I’m not invisible obviously. I imagine smartly dressed men find it’s the same for them too. (Not that our appearance should affect good customer service, but that’s how it is).