Patronising comments about mature love

My mum asked if I was having mid life crisis when I finally fell properly in love in my late forties.

I was naive when I married aged twenty six after courting five years. That was a disaster, I had my two children that made up for it.
I remarried at forty I was mature enough then to know it was the real thing.
You life live it don't concern yourself with other people's opinions.

I meant your life!

Completely agree with you.

It doesn’t sound like those comments were meant to be patronising at all. With so much negativity around us these days, it’s actually lovely to see people respond with kindness and affection. Their words seem genuinely congratulatory, as if they’re simply happy to see love in someone’s life and hoping they find the same for themselves.

I am not upset just madly annoyed because I do think it's patronising, which doesn't mean that I am not grateful for the relationship, not at all. That is why I posted under the Everyday Ageism forum.

It's all part of society's prejudices and expectations of older people, such as being unable to use technology, fiddle with their credit cards, beyond the age of wanting or indulging in love, sex, passion etc. Whereas the intention may be well intended, I believe it's rude for strangers to feel entitled to comment but I appear to be in the minority here.

However, I am very pleased that I posted as I have been alerted to the books by Hilary Boyd. I have almost finished Thursdays in the Park, which I am really enjoying, and am trying to decide which one to order next.

Sorry, I meant 'mildly' annoyed not 'madly annoyed'! 😂

PetitFromage

Whereas the intention may be well intended, I believe it's rude for strangers to feel entitled to comment but I appear to be in the minority here.

That was my initial reaction too. Even if well intentioned, why do complete strangers appear to feel compelled to comment at all?

My late partner and I were enjoying a picnic in Richmond Park. We'd just recently met up for the first time - we were then in our early 50s. It was a lovely afternoon, one of those halcyon days... warm with a gentle breeze. Clearing up the plates and debris spread across the blanket and putting it all back into the picnic basket, we paused for a moment, sat shoulder to shoulder with arms round each other.

A noisy group of young 20-something people recently positioned a short distance away kept turning to look at us. "We-know-what-you're-doing" someone said in a sing-song voice and they all laughed.

We ignored them, of course. But I remember feeling a flash of anger... it had been such a perfect day and their behaviour felt intrusive. Why couldn't they just simply mind their own damned business?

OH - as he became - a placid and philosophical man, told me to not give them a second thought because these "Silly Billies" as he called them, are everywhere in life and should simply be ignored - as they hadn't yet fully matured...

To clarify.

I think there are times when interacting with complete strangers is acceptable.

If, for example, a couple (or family or group of people) are walking along smiling at people who pass - watching the world go by - then they are already engaging with the outside world, so it wouldn't be inappropriate to say something.

But if said couple/family or group are clearly involved in some private moment, perhaps deep in conversation or just existing in their own private world, then inserting yourself into their space is unacceptable.

Dickens - that’s exactly what I meant but you said it so much more eloquently!

PetitFromage

Dickens - that’s exactly what I meant but you said it so much more eloquently!

Well, gee, thanks! But it took me ages to think how to explain the very simple principle of 'there's a time and a place'.

AI could've deciphered my jumbled thoughts far better, but I know if I go down that route, my ageing-brain will just sit back and take it easy...

But, seriously - there are some very nice people around who would never intentionally offend anyone, and I wouldn't ever want to offend them by being too precious. However, those Silly Billies in Richmond Park angered me because - and of course, they didn't know this - that long-ago picnic was a pivotal point in the relationship between Mr Dickens and me, both of us having come out of abusive previous relationships, it was the first time we were able to relax with each other, so it was a very private moment.