Limericks - 2

I'm going to buy a new dress
But I know that will cause me such stress
For my curvaceous figure
Is really much bigger
My size I just can't confess.

The fitter approached with her tape

The fitter approached with her tape
She was so astonished at my shape?

The fitter approached with her tape
She was so astonished at my shape?
With pursed lips she said

The fitter approached with her tape
She was so astonished at my shape?
With pursed lips she said
'You look well fed!'

The fitter approached with her tape
She was so astonished at my shape?
With pursed lips she said
Madame is overfed

The fitter approached with her tape
She was so astonished at my shape?
With pursed lips she said
Madame is overfed
Your breakfast should be just one grape!

I really must start a new diet

I really must start a new diet
But must do it all on the quiet

I really must start a new diet
But must do it all on the quiet
I've tried one before

I really must start a new diet
But must do it all on the quiet
I've tried one before
And was told, “You’re a bore”

I really must start a new diet
But must do it all on the quiet
I've tried one before
And was told, “You’re a bore”
That upset me a bit, won't deny it!

So, I'll do it and not breathe a word

So, I'll do it and not breathe a word

And no one can say that's absurd!

So, I'll do it and not breathe a word
And no one can say that's absurd!
I'll count calories and walk
Till i'm breathless and can't talk

So, I'll do it and not breathe a word
And no one can say that's absurd!
I'll count calories and walk
Till i'm breathless and can't talk.
But I'll end up as slim as a bird.

But my willpower is sadly so lacking

But my willpower is sadly so lacking
I could do with some genuine backing

But my willpower is sadly so lacking
I could do with some genuine backing
Some chums who'll join in

But my willpower is sadly so lacking
I could do with some genuine backing
Some chums who'll join in
And help with me win the fight to get thin!!

But my willpower is sadly so lacking
I could do with some genuine backing
Some chums who'll join in
And help with me win the fight to get thin!!
And send all the doubters packing

New line Jordana .....

I'm thinking on packing my bags

I'm thinking on packing my bags
And rustling a pair of nags

I'm thinking on packing my bags
And rustling a pair of nags
To make my get away

I'm thinking on packing my bags
And rustling a pair of nags
To make my get away
In order to have my way

I'm thinking on packing my bags
And rustling a pair of nags
To make my get away
In order to have my way
And smoke a few crafty fags

We're off to the cinema this aft

We're off to the cinema this aft
To view amazing spacecraft

We're off to the cinema this aft
And no one is taking a raft