Limericks - 2

Mrs Jones took a trip to the market
Took her car - but just couldn't park it
Her reversing was dire
She wound up in the mire
So she stomped off, exclaiming "Oh, fark it!"

Two owls and a bat planned a party

Two owls and a bat planned a party
Nothing simple, more arty farty

Two owls and a bat planned a party
Nothing simple, more arty farty
The bat was perplexed

Two owls and a bat planned a party
Nothing simple, more arty farty
The bat was perplexed,
The owls very vexed,

Two owls and a bat planned a party
Nothing simple, more arty farty
The bat was perplexed,
The owls very vexed
As party bags contained only one smartie

It happened once on a blue moon

It happened once on a blue moon
They landed in a huge balloon

It happened once on a blue moon
They landed in a huge ballon
Cracking open the gin

It happened once on a blue moon
They landed in a huge balloon
Cracking open the gin
Not to taste, is a sin

It happened once on a blue moon
They landed in a huge balloon
Cracking open the gin
Not to taste, is a sin
But the gin disappeared all too soon

The South East expects snow by tonight

The South East expects snow by tonight
In the North, there's nothing in sight

The South East expects snow by tonight
In the North, there's nothing in sight
So get on the train

The South East expects snow by tonight
In the North, there's nothing in sight
So get on the train
And hope there's no rain

The South East expects snow by tonight
In the North, there's nothing in sight
So get on the train
And hope there's no rain
Let's head to where sunshine is bright.

I've hung out some washing this morning

I've hung out some washing this morning
Is was early, the day was just dawning

I've hung out some washing this morning
Is was early, the day was just dawning
The birds were all singing

I've hung out some washing this morning
Is was early, the day was just dawning
The birds were all singing
To the North they're all winging

I've hung out some washing this morning
Is was early, the day was just dawning
The birds were all singing
To the North they're all winging
Now I'm so tired I'm yawning

A girl want to visit her gran

want = went

A girl went to visit her gran
Taking with her a fan

A girl went to visit her gran
Taking with her a fan
The day was so hot

A girl went to visit her gran
Taking with her a fan
The day was so hot
A drink she had not

A girl went to visit her gran
Taking with her a fan
The day was so hot
A drink she had not
She wilted ere reaching dear Nan.

How late will I stay up tonight?

How late will I stay up tonight?
If i'm drinking and getting quite 'tight'

How late will I stay up tonight?
If i'm drinking and getting quite 'tight'
2 gins and 5 whiskies

How late will I stay up tonight?
If i'm drinking and getting quite 'tight'
2 gins and 5 whiskies
Give me the friskies