Limericks - 2

There once was a granny with chilblains
Which played havoc with her varicose veins
She wrapped up her pins
Walked out with a grin

There once was a granny with chilblains
Which played havoc with her varicose veins
She wrapped up her pins
Walked out with a grin
Because now ,at last, she had no pains.

I think I'm in need of a break,

I think I'm in need of a break,
So some plans I've started to make

I think I'm in need of a break,
So some plans I've started to make
Abroad or at home is the question

I think I'm in need of a break,
So some plans I've started to make
Abroad or at home is the question
As I get terrible indigestion

I think I'm in need of a break,
So some plans I've started to make
Abroad or at home is the question
As I get terrible indigestion
All night long I'm awake.

I think there's snake in the garden

I think there's a snake in the garden. (sorry, left out a word)

I think there's a snake in the garden
It said to the cat ,"beg ya pardon"

I think there’s a snake in the garden
It said to the cat, “beg ya pardon”
As it slithered on past

I think there’s a snake in the garden
It said to the cat, “beg ya pardon”
As it slithered on past
Mostly hidden in the grass

I think there’s a snake in the garden
It said to the cat, “beg ya pardon”
As it slithered on past
Mostly hidden in the grass,
"but can you smell those bacon lardons?"

I do like my Gran's apple tart

I do like my Gran's apple tart
It gives me a fluttery heart

I do like my Gran's apple tart
It gives me a fluttery heart
She often makes two

I do like my Gran's apple tart
It gives me a fluttery heart
She often makes two
So here's one for you

(Limericks fell off the bottom, - I've had to rescue it!)

I do like my Gran's apple tart
It gives me a fluttery heart
She often makes two
So here's one for you
I hope acid reflux won't start.

There was an old lady from Devon

There was an old lady from Devon
Who hoped to fly up to heaven

There was an old lady from Devon
Who hoped to fly up to heaven
She tried knitting some wings

There was an old lady from Devon
Who hoped to fly up to heaven
She tried knitting some wings
(Non-combustible things)

There was an old lady from Devon
Who hoped to fly up to heaven
She tried knitting some wings
(Non-combustible things)
And is leaving about half past seven!

I once thought I'd be a magician

I once thought I'd be a magician
More fun than being a beautician

I once thought I'd be a magician
More fun than being a beautician
So I sawed mum in half

I once thought I'd be a magician
More fun than being a beautician
So I sawed mum in half
Oh how we did laugh

I once thought I'd be a magician
More fun than being a beautician
So I sawed mum in half
Oh how we did laugh
Then we phoned for a stitching clinician.

Well, now that I'm ninety years old

Well, now that I'm ninety years old
I'm moving to Stow-on-the-Wold