Limericks - 2

There was a young man from the south
Who got punched very hard in the mouth
Was it something he said?
Which made him see red!!
He's now relocating to Louth.

There was a gorilla called Betty

There was a gorilla called Betty
Who dived in the sea from a jetty

There was a gorilla called Betty
Who dived in the sea from a jetty
She thought “This is cold”

There was a gorilla called Betty
Who dived in the sea from a jetty
She thought “This is cold”
"Why wasn't I told?"

There was a gorilla called Betty
Who dived in the sea from a jetty
She thought “This is cold”
"Why wasn't I told?"
"It's making me grumpy and fretty."

Have you seen that young man on trapeze?

Have you seen that young man on trapeze?
He flies through the air with such ease

Have you seen that young man on trapeze?
He flies through the air with such ease
The crowds gaze in wonder

Have you seen that young man on trapeze?
He flies through the air with such ease
The crowds gaze in wonder
His leotard ripped asunder

Have you seen that young man on trapeze?
He flies through the air with such ease
The crowds gaze in wonder
His leotard ripped asunder
Oh dear, now he's starting to sneeze!

I love Alfred's new orange shoes

I love Alfred’s new orange shoes
Though they’re not quite the colour I’d choose

I love Alfred’s new orange shoes
Though they’re not quite the colour I’d choose
His trews are lime green

I love Alfred’s new orange shoes
Though they’re not quite the colour I’d choose
His trews are lime green
And so tight they're obscene

I love Alfred’s new orange shoes
Though they’re not quite the colour I’d choose
His trews are lime green
And so tight they're obscene
I’m confused! Is he out to amuse?

I’m desperate to see some Spring sun

I’m desperate to see some Spring sun
On how I long for some fun

I’m desperate to see some Spring sun
On how I long for some fun
To swim in the sea

I'm really sorry I missed seeing Alfred

I’m desperate to see some Spring sun
Oh how I long for some fun
To swim in the sea
And cackle with glee

I’m desperate to see some Spring sun
On how I long for some fun
To swim in the sea
Would fill me with glee

I’m desperate to see some Spring sun
Oh how I long for some fun
To swim in the sea
And cackle with glee
But winter is only half done!

I'm sorry if that's pessimistic

I'm sorry if that's pessimistic
I really must visit a mystic

I'm sorry if that's pessimistic
I really must visit a mystic
I feel I must know

I'm sorry if that's pessimistic
I really must visit a mystic,
She'll examine my aura,

I'm sorry if that's pessimistic
I really must visit a mystic
I feel I must know
How the future will go

I'm sorry if that's pessimistic
I really must visit a mystic
I feel I must know
How the future will go
Or should I just be realistic.

I am thinking of getting a pet

I am thinking of getting a pet
Thought a goldfish would seem rather wet