Limericks - 3

A man called Philip has got a new hip
He's finding it hard when the time comes to strip
Let's hope he is suffering no pain

A man called Philip has got a new hip
He's finding it hard when the time comes to strip
Let's hope he is suffering no pain
And will soon be on his feet again

A man called Philip has got a new hip
He's finding it hard when the time comes to strip
Let's hope he is suffering no pain
And will soon be on his feet again
No more of his beer through a drip.

He'll be glad to be home to his wife

He'll be glad to be home to his wife
With a much improved quality of life

He'll be glad to be home to his wife
With a much improved quality of life
In the three-legged race,

He'll be glad to be home to his wife
With a much improved quality of life
In the three-legged race,
He'll go at a pace

He'll be glad to be home to his wife
With a much improved quality of life
In the three-legged race,
He'll go at a pace
with his wit still as sharp as a knife!!

My car has got a puncture it really is a pain

My car has got a puncture it really is a pain
Now I’ll have to travel by train

My car has got a puncture it really is a pain
Now I’ll have to travel everywhere by train
Hope no leaves are on the line

“Everywhere”?

Sorry Bathsheba, not looking back
My car has got a puncture it really is a pain
Now I’ll have to travel by train
Hope no leaves are on the line

Sorry Bathsheba, not looking back
My car has got a puncture it really is a pain
Now I’ll have to travel by train
Hope no leaves are on the line
And I arrive by ten to nine

My car has got a puncture it really is a pain
Now I'll have to travel by train
Hope no leaves are on the line
And I arrive by ten to nine
Now another problem its pouring down with rain

They're all visiting for my birthday

They're all visiting for my birthday
They're bringing me presents, hurray!

They're all visiting for my birthday
They're bringing me presents, hurray!
My favourite tipples

They're all visiting for my birthday
They're bringing me presents, hurray!
My favourite tipples
Some raspberry ripples

They're all visiting for my birthday
They're bringing me presents, hurray!
My favourite tipples
Some raspberry ripples
And a beautiful floral bouquet

When I was young and slender

When I was young and slender
my heart was sweet and tender

When I was young and slender
my heart was sweet and tender
Time's flown past somehow

Falling in love

When I was young and slender
My heart was sweet and tendErnest
Times flown past somehow
I had to make a vow

Oops should say 'tender'

When I was young and slender
My heart was sweet and tender,
Times flown past somehow
I had to make a vow,
But I've become the great pretender.

Is it too cold yet for summer plants?

Is it too cold yet for summer plants?
For gardens with a bright expanse

Is it farewell to frost?