Limericks - 3

I'm ready to climb up the stairs
But I have to put away all the chairs
The family's been round for a party
Collecting yet again for some charity

I'm ready to climb up the stairs
But I have to put away all the chairs
The family's been round for a party
Collecting yet again for some charity
So now it's up the apples and pears.

I sent a text message to the wrong chap

I sent a text message to the wrong chap
A most embarrassing mishap

I sent a text message to the wrong chap
A most embarrassing mishap
It told a tale of sin!!

I sent a text message to the wrong chap
A most embarrassing mishap
It told a tale of sin!!
Giving him a grin!

I sent a text message to the wrong chap
A most embarrassing mishap
It told a tale of sin!!
Giving him a grin!
I was preparing myself for a slap!

Get out the sunbed, it's going to turn hot

Get out the sunbed, it's going to turn hot
I have fully booked the very best slot

Get out the sunbed, it's going to turn hot
I have fully booked the very best slot
I'll lie down and bask

Get out the sunbed, it's going to turn hot
I have fully booked the very best slot
Suncream at the ready

Get out the sunbed, it's going to turn hot
I have fully booked the very best slot
I'll lie down and bask
Its not an hard task

Get out the sunbed, it's going to turn hot
I have fully booked the very best slot
I'll lie down and bask
Its not an hard task
As for the housework, I'll give not jot!

I hope my bikini still fits

I hope my bikini still fits
Slightly larger now are my bits

I hope my bikini still fits
Slightly larger now are my bits
I could try breathing in

I hope myou bikini still fits
Slightly larger now are my bits
I could try breathing in
Or chop off excess skin

I hope myou bikini still fits
Slightly larger now are my bits
I could try breathing in
Or chop off excess skin
Let's hope it hold and don't split!!

I'm off to see the doctor

I’m off to see the Doctor,
I’ll need to take a book

2nd line needs to rhyme with doctor, situp (I get the sentiment though!)

I`m off to see the doctor, I`ll need to take a book
Perhaps some sarnies too before He takes a look!!

I'm off to see the doctor, I'll need to take a book
Perhaps some sarnies too before He takes a look!!
It's down below, the problem

I'm off to see the doctor, I'll need to take a book
Perhaps some sarnies too before He takes a look!!
It's down below, the problem,
I don't really want to show 'em

I'm off to see the doctor, I'll need to take a book
Perhaps some sarnies too before He takes a look!!
It's down below, the problem,
I don't really want to show 'em
Hope he does not approach me with a grappling hook!

Am truly preparing for some sunshine on my face

Am truly preparing for some sunshine on my face
Checking the forecast to make sure of the perfect place

Am truly preparing for some sunshine on my face
Checking the forecast to make sure of the perfect place
Bikini and sunscreen are out

Am truly preparing for some sunshine on my face
Checking the forecast to make sure of the perfect place
Bikini and sunscreen are out
Chilled white wine needed, no doubt

Am truly preparing for some sunshine on my face
Checking the forecast to make sure of the perfect place
Bikini and sunscreen are out
Chilled white wine needed, no doubt
I hope we have a full case!

There once was a woman named Amber