July21 - limericks

But the pounds still refuse to shift
And generally I`m so miffed
Daily walks don`t help
Just make my feet yelp
If you say I'm fat you'll get biffed.

I'm a bit cuddly and chubby

I’m a bit cuddly and chubby
Liked a lot by my dear hubby

I'm a bit cuddly and chubby
Like a lot by my dear hubby
But still I bemoan

I'm a bit cuddly and chubby
Like a lot by my dear hubby
But still I bemoan
How my tum has grown

I`m a bit cuddly and chubby
Like a lot by my dear hubby
But still I bemoan
How my tum has grown
My hubby now says I`m tubby!

I count all calories, honest!

I count all calories, honest!
I regularly consult my list

I count all calories, honest!
I regularly consult my list
Soop`s kitchen`s cake`s best

I count all calories, honest!
I regularly consult my list
Soop`s kitchen`s cake`s best
Puts hairs on your chest

I count all calories, honest!
I regularly consult my list
Soop`s kitchen`s cake`s best
Puts hairs on your chest
Which tickles a lot when you`re kissed!

So now I need a lady shave

So now I need a lady shave
Or else go and live in a cave

So now I need a lady shave
Or else go and live in a cave
Where no-one can see

So now I need a lady shave
Or else go and live in a cave
Where no-one can see
The new hairy me

So now I need a lady shave
Or else go and live in a cave
Where no-one can see
The new hairy me
My beard makes me feel rather brave.

So I'm joining a circus next week

So I'm joining a circus next week
They’ve made me the resident ‘freak’

So I`m joining a circus next week
They`ve made me the resident `freak`
But I`m not that daft

So I`m joining a circus next week
They`ve made me the resident `freak`
But I`m not that daft
In fact I just laughed

So I`m joining a circus next week
They`ve made me the resident `freak`
But I`m not that daft
In fact I just laughed
Large compensation I will seek

I may as well make some money

I may as well make some money
If I’m supposed to look funny

I may as well make some money
If I’m supposed to look funny
Beard, I will colour

I may as well make some money
If I`m supposed to look funny
Beard, I will colour
Make it look fuller

I may as well make some money
If I`m supposed to look funny
Beard, I will colour
Make it look fuller
As I sit there eating honey.

I like it on my morning toast

I like it on my morning toast
As it’s manuka - I can boast!

I like it on my morning toast
As it’s manuka - I can boast!
I won’t let it run

I like it on my morning toast
As it's manuka - I can boast!
I won't let it run
Over edges of bun

I like it on my morning toast
As it`s manuka-I can boast!
I won`t let it run
Over edges of bun
Or it may annoy my good host

She`s been kind enough to feed me