Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway)

My friend loves a full cream tea,
Steak and Chips, that’ll do for me
I drool at the thought
My daughter’s just brought
A huge gateau to share with me.

I’m starting to feel a bit sick

I’m starting to feel a bit sick
Eat slowly, don’t rush, that’s the trick

I’m starting to feel a bit sick
Eat slowly, don’t rush, that’s the trick
Chew twenty-nine times

I’m starting to feel a bit sick
Eat slowly, don’t rush, that’s the trick
Chew twenty-nine times
Drink juice of two limes

I’m starting to feel a bit sick
Eat slowly, don’t rush, that’s the trick
Chew twenty-nine times
Drink juice of two limes
And run to the loo mighty quick!

My cat brought in a little mouse

My cat brought in a little mouse
It disappeared inside the house

My cat brought in a little mouse
From the field at the back of my house.

My cat brought in a little mouse
It disappeared inside the house
I chased them both in

My cat brought in a little mouse
It disappeared inside the house
I chased them both in
It caused such a din

My cat brought in a little mouse
It disappeared inside the house
I chased them both in
It caused such a din
It awakened my sleeping spouse

It's cloudy and raining once more

It's cloudy and raining once more,
Such wind when I opened the door

It's cloudy and raining once more,
Such wind when I opened the door
Blew pictures off walls

It's cloudy and raining once more,
Such wind when I opened the door
Blew pictures off walls
Repetitive squalls

It's cloudy and raining once more,
Such wind when I opened the door
Blew pictures off walls
Repetitive squalls
And the mess to clear off the floor

Now where was that bucket and mop?

Now where was that bucket and mop?
I made off with the mop - fair cop
Made hobby-horse frame
Turned out to be lame
And now this verse turns out the same

I was walking along the road

I was walking along the road
When I spotted a glossy brown toad

I was walking along the road
When I spotted a glossy brown toad
I picked up a stick

I was walking along the road
When I spotted a glossy brown road
I picked up a stick
And gave it a flick

I was walking along the road
When I spotted a glossy brown toad
I picked up a stick
And gave it a flick
And then it fluorescently glowed!

I looked up the spelling online

I looked up the spelling online
I do that all of the time

I looked up the spelling online
I do that all of the time
Jiraf just looked wrong

I looked up the spelling online
I do that all of the time
Jiraf just looked wrong
Is it tongue or tong

I looked up the spelling online
I do that all of the time
Jiraf just looked wrong
Is it tongue or tong
The main thing is that it must rhyme.

To return to the glowing reptile,

To return to the glowing reptile
It was seen hopping over a stile