Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway)

I wrote to a prince called Jean-Paul
Who asked me to the summer ball,

I wrote to a prince called Jean-Paul
Who asked me to the summer ball
He whisked me away

I wrote to a prince called Jean-Paul
The handsomest Frenchman of all

I'll go with the first rhyme.

I wrote to a prince called Jean-Paul
Who asked me to the summer ball
He whisked me away
To view this years' hay

I wrote to a prince called Jean-Paul
Who asked me to the summer ball
He whisked me away
To view this years' hay
Which I hadn't hoped for, at all.

Then Jean-Paul did venture a kiss

Then Jean-Paul did venture a kiss
Gave the prickly haystack a miss

Then Jean-Paul did venture a kiss
Gave the prickly haystack a miss
On his derriere he fell

Then Jean-Paul did venture a kiss
Gave the prickly haystack a miss
On his derriere he fell
It squished, with a smell

Then Jean-Paul did venture a kiss
Gave the prickly haystack a miss
On his derriere he fell
It squished with a smell
"You stinker!" she cried with a hiss!

My mother's to blame for this mess

My mother's to blame for this mess
I think I'll tell all to the press

My mother's to blame for this mess
I think I'll tell all to the press
But they might just blame me

My mother's to blame for this mess
I think I'll tell all to the press
But they might just blame me
End up on page three

My mother's to blame for this mess
I think I'll tell all to the press
But they might just blame me
End up on page three
In a skimpy, transparent dress.

My house needs redecoration

My mother's to blame for this mess
I think I'll tell all to the press
But they might just blame me
End up on page three
And bag a footballer, I guess

He spends all his time out training

spoilt for choice between two good uns - but best to go with "rules"

My house needs redecoration
But it's a troubling situation

My house needs redecoration
But it's a troubling situation
An expert with paint

My house needs redecoration
But it's a troubling situation
An expert with paint
But Van Gogh I ain't

My house needs redecoration
But it's a troubling situation
An expert with paint
But Van Gogh I ain't
Will splatting it on need explanation?

I thought well that looks very trendy

I thought, well that looks very trendy
But I think I'll consult my friend Wendy

I thought, well that looks very trendy
But I think I'll consult my friend Wendy
She's a very good eye

I thought, well that looks very trendy
But I think I'll consult my friend Wendy
She's a very good eye
But told a white lie

I thought, well that looks very trendy
But I think I'll consult my friend Wendy
She's a very good eye
But told a white lie
And said, "That's an art style called Frenzi!"

The guy in that painting is weird

The guy in that painting is weird
His beard is all multi-tiered

The guy in that painting is weird
His beard is all multi-tiered
It needs a good trim