Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway)

We’re a large family you see
Six children, Dad, Grandpa and me
Teatime a bunfight

We’re a large family you see
Six children, Dad, Grandpa and me
Teatime a bunfight
Crumpets by firelight

We're a large family you see
Six children, Dad, Grandpa and me
Teatime a gunfight
Crumpets by foresight
We're coming round your house for tea!

A man with a van is required

A man with a van is required
Perhaps someone here is inspired?

A man with a van is required
Perhaps someone here is inspired?
Shall I ask my good neighbour Dave?

A man with a van is required
Perhaps someone here is inspired?
Shall I ask my good neighbour Dave?
If he’s feeling brave . . .

A man with a van is required
Perhaps someone here is inspired?
Ask my good neighbour Dave
If he's feeling brave
I just hope he isn't too tired.

Dave's van's sprung a leak in the sump

A man with a van is required
Perhaps someone here is inspired
My good neighbour Dave,
If he's feeling brave ,
And if he's not feeling too tired.

I've loads of recycling to go

Sorry 👆missed my count 😂

I’ve loads of recycling to go
There’s even that old wooden door

I’ve loads of recycling to go
There’s even that old wooden door
It fell off the shed

I’ve loads of recycling to go
There’s even that old wooden door
It fell off the shed
It used to be red

VB000 Wed 30-Aug-23 11:56:35

I’ve loads of recycling to go
There’s even that old wooden door
It fell off the shed
It used to be red
The color has all faded, though.

Dave's van sprung a leak in the sump

Dave's van sprung a leak in the sump
And it's got a dodgy fuel pump

Dave's van sprung a leak in the sump
And it's got a dodgy fuel pump
It broke down en route

Dave's van sprung a leak in the dump
And it's got a dodgy fuel pump
It broke down en route
So he gave it the boot

Dave's van sprung a leak in the sump
And it's got a dodgy fuel pump
It broke down en route
So he gave it the boot
Now it's going down to the dump

I don't like to throw things away

I don't like to throw things away
I’m a bit of a hoarder I’d say

I don't like to throw things away
I’m a bit of a hoarder I’d say
My cupboards are full

I don't like to throw things away
I’m a bit of a hoarder I’d say
My cupboards are full
Things I've knitted, wool

I don't like to throw things away
I’m a bit of a hoarder I’d say
My cupboards are full
Things I've knitted, wool
And a candlewick bedspread in grey

I’ve given myself a deadline

I’ve given myself a deadline
To call this stuff no longer mine

I've given myself a deadline
To call this stuff no longer mine
So I'm hiring a skip

I've given myself a deadline
To call this stuff no longer mine
So I'm hiring a skip
Or drive to the tip

I've given myself a deadline
To call this stuff no longer mine
So I'm hiring a skip
Or drive to the tip
Without it, I'll be feeling fine

I know I've been working too hard

I know I've been working too hard
It seems I must be on my guard