Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway)

Uncle Fred went out for a drive
It made him feel really alive
Until he then crashed
His confidence smashed

Uncle Fred went out for a drive
It made him feel really alive
Until he then crashed
His confidence smashed
His self esteem took such a dive!

Uncle Freddy then bought a red bike

Uncle Freddy bought a red bike
It’s a two-wheeler, not a “trike”

Uncle Freddy bought a red bike
It’s a two-wheeler, not a “trike”
He wobbled along

Uncle Freddy bought a red bike
It’s a two-wheeler, not a “trike”
He wobbled along
Didn’t put a foot wrong

Uncle Fred went out for a drive
It made him feel really alive
Until he then crashed
Though quite unabashed

Uncle Freddy bought a red bike
It’s a two-wheeler, not a “trike”
He wobbled along
Didn’t put a foot wrong
Until he swerved into a dyke.

Emerging, all dripping with mud

Emerging all dripping with mud
He really did feel such a dud

Emerging all dripping with mud
He really did feel such a dud
He smelled like a farm

Emerging all dripping with mud
He really did feel such a dud
He smelled like a farm
Causing great alarm

Emerging all dripping with mud
He really did feel such a dud,
He smelled like a farm,
Causing great alarm
With bruises but not too much blood.

But off he went to A and E

But off he went to A and E
He had an X-ray on his knee

But off he went to A and E
He had an x-ray on his knee
The nurses said, "Ooh ...

But off he went to A and E
He had an x-ray on his knee
The nurses said, "Ooh ...
There’s nowt we can do!”

But off he went to A and E
He had an x-ray on his knee
The nurses said, "Ooh ...
There’s nowt we can do!”
Except give a nice cup of tea"

So Fred, with his tea in his hand

So Fred, with his tea in his hand
Noticed his wound, covered in sand

So Fred, with his tea in his hand
Noticed his wound, covered in sand
“This grit causes pain!”

So Fred, with his tea in his hand
Noticed his wound, covered in sand
“This grit causes pain!”
"It drives me insane!"

So Fred, with his tea in his hand
Noticed his wound, covered in sand
“This grit causes pain!”
"It drives me insane!"
And I can't play drums in my band.

"Fred's Ravers" make a dreadful noise

"Fred's Ravers" make a dreadful noise
They are all rather old boys

"Fred's Ravers" make a dreadful noise
They are all rather old boys
Their creaky joints groan

Fred's Ravers" make a dreadful noise
They are all rather old boys
Their creaky joints groan
They mutter and moan

Fred's Ravers" make a dreadful noise
They are all rather old boys
Their creaky joints groan
They mutter and moan
Then carry on with playing with their toys

Girls , when they grow out of their dolls

Girls , when they grow out of their dolls
Will often become well-known pols

Girls , when they grow out of their dolls
Will often become well-known pols
A pol? What is that?