Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway)

I found a spider in my soup
As well as pieces of rat poop
I stopped eating out
With their hygiene in doubt
I bet they're not too cock-a-hoop.

Going back to CrazyH's first line:

Wish I could have money and fame
Shopping would become a good game

Wish I could have money and fame
Shopping would become a good game
Gucci and Prada

Wish I could have money and fame
Shopping would become a good game
Gucci and Prada
A Rolls, not a Lada

Wish I could have money and fame
Shopping would become a good game
Gucci and Prada
A Rolls not a Lada
And me in the back with Champagne

I'm more of a Prosecco girl

I’m more a Prosecco girl
But I’d give any cocktail a whirl

I’m more a Prosecco girl
But I’d give any cocktail a whirl
I’m up for it now

I'm more a Prosecco girl
But I'd give any cocktail a whirl
I'm up for it now
Barman, take a bow

I'm more a Prosecco girl
But I'd give any cocktail a whirl
I'm up for it now
Barman, take a bow
And watch as I tipsily twirl

The aftermath can be severe

The aftermath can be severe
I should really stick to just beer

The aftermath can be severe
I should really stick to just beer
Room spinning around

The aftermath can be severe
I should really stick to just beer
Room spinning around
Whoops! Here comes the ground!

The aftermath can be severe
I should really stick to just beer
Room spinning around
Whoops! Here comes the ground!
I think I'll just have a sleep here.

My friends say I am such a fool

My friends say I am such a fool
There was me thinking I was cool

My friends say I am such a fool
There was me thinking I was cool
With a face all bruised

My friends say I am such a fool
There was me thinking I was cool
With a face all bruised
Feeling completely confused

My friends say I am such a fool
There was me thinking I was cool
With a face all bruised
Feeling completely confused
Know your limit - that's the rule.

So, I'm off the sauce for now

So, I’m off the sauce for now
I have taken a solemn vow

So, I'm off the sauce for now
I have taken a solemn vow
Detox and clean living

So, I'm off the sauce for now
I have taken a solemn vow
Detox and clean living
Will be life-giving ,

While trying to workout a last line it reminded me of this limerick:
There once was a man from Japan
Whose verses no-one could scan
When told this was so
He replied 'Yes I know'
But I always try to get as many words in the last line as I possibly can.

So, I'm off the sauce for now
I have taken a solemn vow
Detox and clean living
Will be life-giving ,
I swear I’ll stay sober somehow

While walking my dog on the beach

While walking my dog on the beach
A jellyfish came into reach

While walking my dog on the beach
A jellyfish came into reach
It stung my poor pooch

While walking my dog on the beach
A jellyfish came into reach
It stung my poor pooch
Who looked just like Hooch

While walking my dog on the beach
A jellyfish came into reach
It stung my poor pooch
Who looked just like Hooch
His nose swelled - it looked like a peach.

Off we rushed to visit the vet