Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway)

If only I had read the book
i’d maybe have learned how to cook

If only I had read the book
i’d maybe have learned how to cook
Throwing things together

If only I had read the book
i’d maybe have learned how to cook
Throwing things together
Sponge light like a feather

If only I had read the book
i’d maybe have learned how to cook
Throwing things together
Sponge light like a feather
Better than my microwave muck

I enjoy good food and nice wine

I wish I had bought that red dress

oops sorry, newbie.

I enjoy good food and nice wine
And a dress in which I do shine

Welcome Wyllow
I enjoy good food and nice wine
And a dress in which I do shine
I’m not that pretty

I enjoy good food and nice wine
And a dress in which I do shine
I’m not that pretty
But oh my oh so witty

I enjoy good food and nice wine
And a dress in which I do shine
I'm not that pretty
But oh my oh so witty
Yep, I've a style that is mine, all mine

Back to Wyllow
I wish I had bought that red dress

I wish I had bought that red dress
But my friend beat me to it - she's Tess

I wish I had bought that red dress
But my friend beat me to it - she’s Tess
I’ve gone for the green

I wish I had bought that red dress
But my friend beat me to it- she's Tess
I've gone for the green
Makes me look like a bean

I wish I had bought that red dress
But my friend beat me to it- she's Tess
I've gone for the green
Makes me look like a bean
Broad bean not string bean, you might guess

I'm growing tomatoes this year

I'm growing tomatoes this year
I’m nurturing them with dark beer

I'm growing tomatoes this year
I’m nurturing them with dark beer
Helps in the hose ban

I'm growing tomatoes this year
I’m nurturing them with dark beer
Helps in the hose ban
Recyclable can

I'm growing tomatoes this year
I’m nurturing them with dark beer
Helps in the hose ban
Recyclable can
The slugs are, of course, in good cheer!

They are rolling around dead drunk

I'm growing tomatoes this year
I'm nurturing them with dark beet
Helps in the hose ban
Recyclable can
I'm green to the core, to be clear

I went on a walk to stop oil

I went on a walk to stop oil
But the Met our plans sought to foil.

I went on a walk to stop oil
But the Met our plans sought to foil
They hosed us all down

I went on a walk to stop oil
But the Met our plans sought to foil
They hosed us all down,
I thought I would drown

I went on a walk to stop oil
But the Met our plans sought to foil
They hosed us all down,
I thought I would drown
Saving water? It made my blood boil!

At last, in the garden, I’m still

At last, in the garden, I’m still
I can smell sausages on the grill

At last, in the garden, I’m still
Watching drunk slugs on the hill

this was first

At last, in the garden, I’m still
I can smell sausages on the grill
Eating them with Pimms