Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway) (

Freshly baked bread, sweet smell of joy
Warm for my breakfast, I'll enjoy
Lashings of butter
No sound I'll utter
I might even share with my boy

He'd add marmalade or some jam

He'd add marmalade or some jam
And slices of delicious ham (with apologies to Hilaire Belloc!)

He'd add marmalade or some jam
And slices of delicious ham (with apologies to Hilaire Belloc!)
He’d gobble it down

He'd add marmalade or some jam
And slices of delicious ham (with apologies to Hilaire Belloc!)
He’d gobble it down
And act like a clown

He'd add marmalade or some jam
And slices of delicious ham (with apologies to Hilaire Belloc!)
He’d gobble it down
And act like a clown
He'll be grateful it wasn't spam

English food in the fifties was dire

English food in the fifties was dire
Sometimes cooked it over the fire

English food in the fifties was dire
Sometimes cooked it over the fire
No decent coffee

English food in the fifties was dire
Sometimes cooked it over the fire
No decent coffee
No creamy toffee

English food in the fifties was dire
Sometimes cooked it over the fire
No decent coffee
No creamy toffee
Definitely not my heart's desire

We didn't eat out much those days

We didn't eat out much those days
Little variety, lots of greys

We didn't eat out much those days
Little variety, lots of greys
More meat and two veg

We didn't eat out much those days
Little variety, lots of greys
More meat and two veg
Or chips with an egg

We didn't eat ou much those days
Little variety , lots of greys
More meat and two veg
Or chips with an egg
It was just the old fashioned ways

Grans eyes would be wide with wonder

Grans eyes would be wide with wonder
As my spices she would plunder

Grans eyes would be wide with wonder
As my spices she would plunder
“A curry ? What’s that?”

Grans eyes would be wide with wonder
As my spices she would plunder
“A curry ? What’s that
I’ll settle for a chat

Grans eyes would be wide with wonder
As my spices she would plunder
“A curry ? What’s that
I’ll settle for a chat
About shrimps on the barbie Down Under.

A salad's an interesting dish

A salad's an interesting dish
Combine it with some battered fish

A salad's an interesting dish
Combine it with some battered fish
Healthier than french fries

A salad's an interesting dish
Combine it with some battered fish
Healthier than french fries
Loved by women and guys

A salad's an interesting dish
Combine it with some battered fish
Healthier than french fries
Loved by women and guys
In fact, well and truly delish

I’ve taken to baking my bread

I’ve taken to baking my bread
Lovely and warm, I feel well fed

I've taken to baking my bread
Lovely and warm. I feel well fed
Toasted with butter

I've taken to baking my bread
Lovely and warm, I feel well feed
Toasted with butter
Oh yum I mutter

I've taken to baking my bread
Lovely and warm. I feel well fed
Toasted with butter
Oh yum I mutter
No more cornflakes, I’ll do this instead

I’m off for a swim in the lake