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first time gran and nervous

(28 Posts)
sj Thu 05-May-11 18:31:01


im about to be a first time gran and very nervous.

any pointers welcome on being a good grandma, whilst not over stepping boundaries.

Also son in law is less than welcoming to us, how do we over come that!


jangly Thu 05-May-11 18:36:43

I was terrified I would drop the baby. I mean really terrified in a paranoid sort of way! (didn't happen, thank God).

I think the best plan is to just enjoy being a granny and don't worry too much about stepping on the parents' toes. If you want to spend money on loads of plastic toys, for example, that they (the kids) love but the parents hate, go ahead and do it anyway. This is* your* time as much as theirs. Enjoy!

GrandmaLyn Thu 05-May-11 19:31:53

Just enjoy being a grandparent. All joy. Some things have changed and you may not agree with today's baby and child rearing methods but don't offer any advice until you're asked. Remember "mummy knows best" and you won't go wrong. The internet is fantastic. I see my grandchildren almost every day and even read them bed-time stories.

sj Thu 05-May-11 22:16:59


Thanks for the lovely responses, Its hard knowing what to say at the moment, sometimes feels as if im putting my foot in it, albeit unintentionally.

Not too many weeks to go so hopefully things will settle a little when the little one is born.



GrandmaLyn Thu 05-May-11 22:32:01

Once you hold that baby you'll be in love. Your daughter and her husband will be so proud and realise that you all want the best for the precious one.

kitty Thu 05-May-11 22:45:42


You seem to be very tense and nervous about this new baby. But not as tense and nervous as the new parents to-be.

Relax, do not pass comments or give advice unless asked for and even then be gentle and not too dogmatic.

Things have moved on an awful lot since we were new mums and they will be delighted that you are there to support them in a couple of months.

You will enjoy, I promise you


GrandmaLyn Fri 06-May-11 01:23:21

I absolutely agree with you Kitty. The euphoria felt when you hold your first grandchild is almost the same as holding your own baby for the first time. We love being grandparents. It's exhausting because neither of our daughters do anything regarding the children when we're around. Brush up on fairy tales and nursery rhymes. "What are the words to the Teddy Bears Picnic?" "Page the oracle... grandma!" We were walking last weekend and I was telling them the names of wild flowers. Was asked if I had a song about violets.........and I did.

gingerbread Fri 06-May-11 08:28:33

Totally agree about the joy of being a grandmother - it has to be experienced to be believed. I would never have guessed that I would love it so much. Hopefully your son-in-law will be more receptive once he is a dad.

I work full time and find that the time I spend with my grandaughters is the perfect antidote to work stresses. It's totally exhausting and I'm glad I don't have to look after them every day, but the joy they give me is immeasurable.

I'm sure you will get more out of being a grandmother than you would have thought possible - enjoy!!

GrannyTunnocks Fri 06-May-11 08:42:08

someone told me that once I became a granny my life would never be the same. It is true, they are such a treasure. I agree with the others don't give advice unless asked and enjoy the things that have changed, eg disposable nappies are a boon. However we need our own lives as well so keep up any hobbies you have. The kids just love being with you and having fun. Enjoy your time when it comes.

MrsM Fri 06-May-11 09:13:56

You will love it!
There is nothing, nothing, in the world, to melt your heart as much as the smile on your grandchild's face as you enter the room.

Grannysue Fri 06-May-11 11:20:04

I am a little bit in love with my grandsons (aged 2 & 4) and when I see them, about every month or so I enjoy every moment I am with them. The best bit is when they start talking to you.

I know what you mean about unintentionally putting your foot in it as I have the same problem with my daughter-in-law but we get by. I just have to think quite hard before I say/do anything and I never, ever criticize even if I think she's doing something wrong.

My daughter is expecting a baby in June so am about to have another grandchild. Once the baby comes everything will fall into place, don't worry enjoy it.

pengran Fri 06-May-11 11:27:16

I am about to become a grandmother for the first time too. I'm really excited about it. I know we have to tread carefully. My daughter-in-law is super but I still have memories about my mother-laws` interferences when my first son was born. History will not repeat itself.

sdbax Fri 06-May-11 12:23:31

I was completely obsessed with arrival of lst grandchild and was then absolutely bowled over with the joy of having a grand-daughter (having had 2 lovely sons myself). Unexpectedly overwhelming delight in every detail about her. Luckily for me, that d-in-l and I were pretty much in agreement about baby-care and it was easy - also because her mother was living abroad - and would have taken priority if she had been around. I was very nervous with that lst grand-baby and especially anxious not to put a foot wrong with the d-in-l. Most joy for me was when I had sole care of the baby - altho' great anxiety over responsibility. Now that baby is 7 yrs. old and still a fascinating delight. I have a 2nd grand-daughter and 2 grandsons from the other son - another story! Not as easy a relationship with the d-in-l since the babies arrived - she has very different ideas. I find it hard to button the mouth sometimes. You will be fine and such a comfort and steady rock for your daughter. Good luck and enjoy every moment!

fluffy Fri 06-May-11 12:49:16

It is absolutely amazing. All the cliches come true. Its just like having your own children and you love them as much and its just so lovely to see your 'baby' with their own a baby! You feel so proud. Just be there for them. Its a bit tricky at first knowing whether you should offer help or stand back without being too clucky - but main thing is to be honest - offer help but also say if you are being annoying to tell your daughter to let you know when they want to be left alone. Just practical things are helpful as first - like making sure they have enough food in - offer to keep an eye on the baby while they have a sleep - take round shepherds pies - things like that.

Muttimama Fri 06-May-11 13:01:36

I'm about to tell my own mother about the September due baby of her first great grandchild. She lives some distance away.

My daughter has not really planned for this baby (although much wanted), she only finishes Univ this year, her partner has only just got his first job, and they have yet to be living independently together- though that will happen in a couple of months. I am really looking forward to my first grandchild.

My mother is quite a judgemental person and I'm not looking forward to this conversation!

Any ideas from anyone's similar situation?

dorsetpennt Fri 06-May-11 13:24:24

You will love being a Granny it is a great joy. You live your childhood through your own children and their childhood through your grandchildren. Just be around when they need you, advice given WHEN asked but don't be offended if they ignore it. My mother-in-law was great, instead of saying 'this is what you should do....' used say 'I often found such and such helpful' very diplomatic way of offering advice. Try not to compete with the other Granny and keep in touch with them regarding Xmas etc. Saves a lot of upset later. Don't expect your son/wife always wanting to spend Xmas with one or the other grandparent. They are a family now and might just want to spend it on their own.
Enjoy it, it's the best perk of getting older.

supernana Fri 06-May-11 14:09:24

I do so agree with all the lovely comments regarding being a good Granny. My youngest is one and I've six others, the eldest being twenty two. I love them all to bits and am sooooo proud of the way in which my sons and daughters in law have raised them, I'm 70 soon, live in Scotland, work as a cleaner to save funds for travel fare to London, and make a holiday of visiting and baby-minding as often as I'm needed. Nothing makes me happier...

N1Granny Fri 06-May-11 15:13:39

Before my granddaughter was born there seemed to be a lot of rules being put in place by my daughter and son-in-law. Once she arrived, they vanished forgotten in the post baby fog of sleep deprivation ,joy and fear that the new parents experienced. Eight months on all is well, nearly!!! And the baby is a delight.

iwearpurple Fri 06-May-11 17:17:17

Its all I thought it would be and more. The biggest pleasure for me is watching my daughter grow into an amazing mother. She hasnt done evrything the way I would have, but it all works for them, and there is more than a tinge of self stisfaction when she starts talking about the perils of unhealthy eating, or how the baby needs love, not new things- I never thought my values would have sunk in so well! I have a great relationship with my daughter, so have always felt comfortable to ask her if its ok if I do such and such when looking after the baby, I know if she doesnt like it she will say. After they moved out I also asked how she felt about me cleaning or tidying when I go to her house - does she want me to ignore the mess, to help tidy, or take the baby out while she tidies? She says she will mot be the least bit upset if I tidy up! As for her partner, I get on great with him, but if not I think I would verge on the side of "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" and do what I could to build up a positive relationship with him. Good luck, and enjoy it.

grannywendy Fri 06-May-11 19:40:51

Hello everyone, I am new to gransnet and also new to writing on forums, but couldn't resist writing on this, I've been a Grandma for nearly 11yrs and can honestly say it is the absolute best thing to be. I adore both my grandaughter and her brother, and since Christmas have had a new Grandson, when my eldest Daughter and her lovely Husband adopted a two and half year old boy. They have had some difficult times adjusting to a lively toddler, but I have been on the other end of the phone to give support as and when I can, sometimes just listening helps. My only regret is they live so far away, I cannot pop in. Thanks to technology though we skype often. I will be visiting shortly to be there at the official adoption.
Looking forward to conversing with you other grandma's. smile

pinkprincess Fri 06-May-11 19:52:35

I am grandmother of five.I see four of them everyday and have been involved in their care from a few weeks old when parents worked.
I have no daughters and when DS2 told me my first grandchild was a girl I was over the moon.I now have four grandaughters and one grandson all from DS2 by his two marriages.
My first grandaughter is at uni now or I would be seeing more of her as well.
You will enjoy being a grandmother, all best wishes.

sj Fri 06-May-11 22:55:11


thanks for all the wonderful 'pearls of wisdom here' and for sharing your experiences.

Been over earlier this week to help put the finishing touches to the babys room, it looks lovely, and i have to admit bought a tear to my eye.

not many weeks to go now, and Im sure things will fall into place. Its so nice to share experiences with others.



glts Sat 07-May-11 00:36:48

Hi believe you me when the new mum and dad are gagging for sleep you will not be on the sidelines then, they will be snatching your hand off to babysit etc.Congrats btw.

GeraldineS Sat 07-May-11 22:00:50

I love being a grandma. I can still remember how I felt when I held our granddaughter Josseline (now 6 !) for the very first time. I just looked at her and said 'she's perfect' ... which, of course, she was ! Then Jasper (now 4) was born, and the excitement was just the same. There's nothing like it!! We're awaiting the arrival of no. 3 in approximately 4 weeks' time, and the excitement is mounting yet again ! I'm glad to say that my hubby and I get on very well indeed with the co-grandparents, our daughter's in-laws, and also with our son-in-law. It does help !

hairfullofsnakes Sun 08-May-11 20:14:49

as a young mum what i would say is be respectful of the parents and the fact that they need time to cherish the arrival of their little one. offer help around the house and to your daughter as much as you can and bite your lip a lot! ;)

as you are a mum to a daughter it should be a little easier than if you were dealing with a DIL so just be there and give the parents time and space to cherish their new arrival and some understanding that they may not want to share the baby easily straightaway!