Are three grannies acceptable?

nangran you have to get past this feeling about the word. Many children these days have a gang of grandparents and step grandparents not to mention great grandparents - gran, grannie, nan, nana - there are plenty of names to go round.
What's in a name, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
I think the truth is that some young women have not worked through their love/hate feelings about their own mother and reached a comfortable adult place
And they may find it easier relating to a mother in law or step mother or sister in law who is just that one step removed and is not needing anything from them.
I can think of a number of examples that I know.
It is miserable having a close relative refuse to communicate with you - I am currently in that position myself - and it dawned on me that that person is probably enjoying a certain feeling of power at the moment.
All one can do is try to deal with ones own feelings - anger, hurt, indignation etc are all going to be barriers to a possible reconciliation.

When we met at the market my GS's step-sister said to him 'You're lucky to have 3 grandmas''.That was 2 yrs ago -before I was cut out of his life.
When ex DIL moved in with new partner 8 yrs ago his parents spent more time with GS than I (or maternal GPs) did.
I have never met them or expressed my sadness about this but it hurts even more now that I am not allowed ANY contact with my GS.-and exDIL has had 3 more children.
GS was told to call them Grandma and Granddad from the start.
I wouldn't mind what GS called me if I could only speak to him.

Maniac

Nanban - are you sure you are not putting your own pride before your gc best interests? Surely it can only be a good thing that the step-grandparents are loving and , as Jess, says, the name does not matter. I am called Nana(name) by many of my daughters' friends' children -I am sure their blood grandmothers don't mind.

Petallus - I feel we should believe other members when they tell us about their problems and I find it rather impolite to question them. All you know about when and her DIL is what she has told us and I remember being very upset when a new member chose in her first post to suggest that I might be guilty of the crimes of which my daughter, who has paranoid delusions, had accused me.

My DH is an extra grandad to my grandson, at the special request of the child's father, my daughter's partner. All three grandads are called Grandad+Firstname. As GS grows up, he'll know who is related to him by 'blood'. He'll also know who has been kind to him and shown an interest in his welfare. It hardly matters who any of these people are. What matters is how they relate to him and his parents.

Yes, my grandchildren have an 'extra grandmother' in my ex-husband's partner. She is consistent and loving with them, so they all benefit

Hi whenim64 Your note leads me to realise just how quickly (or worse, slowly) relationships can disintegrate into mayhem. You're right - my hurt feelings are not a priority, but neither should DD's be! The problem is that we are failing to reach any solution or even compromise on a very thorny issue (the step-mother/granny name thing isn't the only problem). Picking the bones through everything, I think the biggest issue is that my DD and I have a (for us) huge rift that needs to be talked about, but all my efforts to talk have been rebuffed, accumulating in my GC's being withdrawn from my life, it's like they're being used as an ultimate weapon to punish me. Like in most Family Fueds there's a lot going on under the surface that more often than not is really the whole crux of the matter but is being ignored.
And, as you also point out, on paper nothing can take my parenting away from me - or them.

Petallus I don't really feel anything towards 'ex's partner, she's been around too long to feel anything negative over anymore. You seem to understand what I'm hurt about, ie: feeling so way down on the 'pecking order' in my grandchildren's upbringing. If I were treated with the same respect by the children as 'Ex' & SM then I wouldn't feel so pushed out. I fear that if I don't stand my ground now, then in years to come my GC's will be treating me with the same contempt as my children (who I love dearly) treat me now.

Goose - are you nangran as well?

Goose, would it help you to know that as the maternal 'blood' grandmother of my grandson I don't feel I have any place in what you call the pecking order of his upbringing without the express permission of one or both of his parents? They have full responsibility for his upbringing. I am only an onlooker. Often a delighted onlooker, but an onlooker nonetheless.

Two of my GSs could get confused by all their GPs but seem to cope. Their mum's parents are divorced and both remarried, so on that side of the family there are Granny E and her second husband, Grandad F, Grandad J and his second wife, Granny M, plus Greatgranny. On our side there's me, Granny A, my ex, Grandad I and his wife, Grandma J. But doubt if that makes the family unique! And no, of course it doesn't matter. The more grandparental love there is, the better.

We seem to have a 'Nanban' and a 'nangran'/Goose. with similar problems.I'm confused.

maniac Partly my fault:-( I decided I really didn't like the panhandle NANGRAN, so asked if I could change to a name I feel happier with - GOOSE - though I'm not sure who NANBAN is!

The OP is nangran

Ahhh! That explains the identity confusion. nanban is someone else altogether and hasn't yet appeared on this thread!

JessM of course you're right, it's only a word. But it's what my objecting to this use of the word has led to - being cut off from my GC, which seems very unfair punishment, this is my issue here. Using my GC as a weapon because I say something DD doesn't agree with feels, well, a bit - harsh. Will this mean if we are reconcilled that I must never disagree with anything she says/does in case she uses the same hurtful tactics? This gives her such power over me. I agree with you also that extended family members are more able to take a step back in 'explosive' family fueds, thus being seen as far more stable and distanced from the potential fall-outs, which I can understand must be an anchor in my daughter's life at the moment.

maniac OUCH. Yes, it does hurt. I sympathize with you

It is a good idea to tell us when you change your name!

anagram I was nangran in a previous life! I changed to Goose and thought all previous nangran's would be changed accordingly (I am a bear of very little brain when it comes to the mystical world of forums). I don't know who Nanbam is! I'm pleased I changed my name, cos with all these nans/grans/bams etc, around I'm getting a bit of an inferior complex myself

Just want to be clear, Goose - Are you the nangran of I would just like a day...... - Just trying to link up the dots so to speak.

That is Nanban!

butternut don't think I've said anything on the lines of 'I would just like a day' (but I wouldn't mind a day either

Phew! I'm pleased I've changed to Goose, it won't be quite so confusing

Yes, that was definitely Nanban.

Goose is a great name! There's something Thomas Hardy'ish about it....I think [but not sure why ].