THAT huge question

We don't have 'a big pile' just a little pile.

We named guardians (with their agreement) in our will and I believe that at least one DS has done the same. And we didn't nominate an elderly relative which wouldn't have made sense if the children were likely to be bereaved all over again.

What's a 'big pile' please?

Sounds uncomfortable doesn't it.

(it's a big house really)

I think it's sensible to sort it out, we did when ours were young. And Big Piles' are very useful for absorbing small children and all their paraphernalia. I don't find it maudlin at all.

The reason we sorted it all out was because we knew that helpful family may well rush forward to help, but not necessarily the ones we wanted our DCs to end up with full time. So we went to The Outlaws. Who seemed more than happy to start planning our imminent demise and full of glee at getting their mitts on their dearly beloved GCs. The Outlaws are only now in their early 70s, and DS is now 19 so as they are very lively I think they would be more than able to cope. He is very easy to look after.

I sometimes wonder what DD would wish to happen, because although the GCs always say they want to come and live with me all the time, I know they would really miss all their little cousins who live near them. Their other grandma has neither space nor energy, she isn't very well.

Oh! Thanks jingle…

A big pile means a large old cheap rambling farmhouse. It would certainly NOT stop me looking after our grandchildren- I thought my post was clear on this- Just that we would need help. I look after the place without outside help, both the 'public' part and our side, and the garden too. If I had to spend much time givng my all to bringing up grandchildren, I would wish to give up much of the housework (which is plentyful with dogs and a very old house) to someone else. Would you object to that? I'd have thought than concentrating on the grand kids would make total sense, no?

Public part?!!! Flip me!

Weird??? I really don't think so- and if parents are making a will- it is really helpful, in the event of a terrible accident or illness, etc- for things to be clear. And to protect children from possible greedy relatives (sadly some families do have them), etc- and to put some moeny for the bringing up of the children and their studies, and put the rest in trust, etc.

It is only as weird as making a will. A large proportion of people die intestate and this causes untold trouble and misery for the family, and huge costs too. A friend of ours would not make a will right into his 60s because he thought it was 'weird' and bad luck. How daft.

Do it, make arrangements, and forget about it - nothing weird about it.

Jingle- our old house was a Vicarage for a very long time (since 1587)- and when it was sold to us, for the price of a 2 bed terrasse in Kent or Essex- the community was distraught as it has a large room at the back and kitchen, disabled access and WCs- and where the elderly folk here at luncheon club and activities, and all sorts of other village stuff. So we've decided to let the community continue to use it- and we with a group of volunteers organise the lunches, etc. We also use it for the local kids, when they have special functions at the Church next door- etc- And when we have the grandkids- they have that great place as a playroom and they just love it. Anything wrong with that? ?

I would hardly call our eleven bedroom house A PILE but as others have USED the term thought I might as well jump on the bandwagon[why not I saY].
cHUCKLE
[TCHSMILE]

ELEVEN bedrooms, Nonu?

Are they all occupied?

That's a serious amount of bedrooms ! Think of all the cleaning.

It is the sensible thing to do as otherwise the children could be taken into care.

We made named guardians in our wills for our children until they came of age and DS and DIL have done the same.

No , I store my things there as indeed himself does, and when the family come they can spread themselves about.
CLEANING? what is that? I must admit I have heard that word before, but am a bit unsure what it means !!
To me a PILE is where the Queen or frightfully rich people live, with about 20/30 bedrooms.
We used to rent out but can"t be bothered now !! Like the space !!

Nonu my bags are packed - I'm coming for the weekend!

You know very well you would be more than welcome I will get out the best china and silverware for you. Might even put the heating on !!!!!!

I haven't been on Gransnet for very long but love how discussions go off at a tangent and a whole new conversation ensues have just been talking to DH about this and we agreed that if any child within the wider family had been orphaned then there would have been a home here of course. We have never discussed it with our our own children just unspoken really that our DGSs (cousins) would be cared for, they are both teens now (14&16) so would probably have some input into their future. DH had a cousin living with them when he was young. Their were eight children in the family plus the cousin and DFIL and MIL. They lived in a three bedroom house so eleven people! They could have done with one of your bedrooms Nonu smile

Well that was a mess up! I didn't mean you to smile Nonu, I was trying to post a smile, novice that I am! .....

Blimey Nonu If you don't think a that a house with 11 bedrooms doesn't qualify as a pile then heaven help the rest of us living in our cramped hovels.

I feel lucky to live in a house with four bedrooms. That was only achieved by selling a former post war council house in the London area and moving north where much lower property prices allowed us to upsize without massive increasing our mortgage costs.

When our children were small, after discussion, we named one of my sisters as the children's guardian if both of us were incapacitated and left our money in such a way that she could use it to buy a bigger house and make any necessary changes to her life in order to care for them.

It worries me that DS and DDiL have not yet made wills and sorted this out officially. They have prepared the plans and intend to do it, but just haven't got round to it.

Are you a lottery winner Nonu?

No granjura. I am most certainly not



(sounds chilly for one thing)

To return to the original subject, I would think, in any normal close, loving family, it would be a totally unnecessary thing to do. Of course children would not be taken into care whilst there were capable young aunts, uncles, and suchlike to step up to the mark.

Peace of mind for the parents though, to know definitely who'd be bringing up their children. Sometimes there can be unseemly bickering in families about such things - you'd be surprised!

Not sure how funds could be made available for a housekeeper or similar unless the parents were very rich or took out huge insurance policies...