THAT huge question

jingl That's what I was trying to say.

We will just have to disagree- in many families there are not so many choices- and if there is a disagreement, a will can really help a Judge or family support.

Chilly, why? Excellent double windows, 3.5ft thick stone walls, central heating, solar panels and the most massive granit clad wood burner- couldn't be more cosy and warm- thanks

Juliette, yes, i was relieved to read of someone else with normal family feelings.

granjura I am sure your home is lovely. Just out of interest, why is your wood burner granite clad? Doesn't that stop the heat radiating out?

Ours is what I would consider to be a close, loving family, but decided it was best to make sure that our wishes were known because, in the event of the unthinkable happening, we did not want a court to decide on our children's future, which is a possibility in law.

No matter how many loving relatives there are, it is best to choose and name guardians in a will if you have young children.

When I was a very young single mum with three small children I wrote a will and named one of my sisters as co-guardian with custody going to my ex-partner, to ensure that my children would stay in contact with my family if I wasn't around. When I had a second set of children in my late thirties I amended it so that my older three would look after the younger ones if I & my partner died. I've heard too many horrible stories about people being excluded from children's lives and it just makes it easier if it's clear for whoever has to sort everything out. It's also nice to think that someone with a similar outlook will be keeping an eye on your children if you aren't around.

Have to say, have never discussed it with my Oldest and her husband as to what they would want to happen with their two. They may have arranged something with their brothers and sisters.

I don't think it is a depressing thought, just sensible. Write it down and then hope it is never needed.

Of course children would not be taken into care whilst there were capable young aunts, uncles, and suchlike to step up to the mark.

Without a will naming guardians then it would be up to a court to decide.
Better to make a will for peace of mind.

I 'm not at all convinced you can bequeath children in your will!

If the wider family were unsuitable for some reason, then the Courts would not allow it whatever the parents' wishes had been.

But there will always be a presumption to follow the deceased parent's wishes, unless there is a very good reason not to, if the parents have expressed their own wishes for the care of the children and the person named is willing to undertake the care of them.

Problems can and do arise when parents have not made a will and have not expressed any wish as to who should look after their children if they died. Court and Social worker decisions, in the absence of any parental expressed wishes, can be unpredictable and completely exclude the blood relatives from these children's lives.

In our case, the GPs would have had the finances (just) to care for the children but not he physical ability and the sibling the energy but not the finance, so it made sense to leave everything in a trust with sibling and a solicitor friend as trustees. Otherwise our poor parents would have been struggling to cope with three energetic kids close in age.

I've also heard of the problems guardians can have accessing cash for the children - applying to some court or other (can't remember the name at this time of the morning).

In the case of my GC the other side consider themselves of a higher class, have larger homes and feel they could give a better education to the children.

My DiL considers them, 'control freaks who are as mad as a box of frogs'. Our larger warm hearted family is what she wants should tragedy strike.

The outrage of her mother was, apparently, quite something to behold when she was given the information.

Jingle, the wood burner is granit clad so that it absorbs heat whilst is it burning, and then continues to release heat for a long time afterwards- a bit like a storage heater- works really well and also looks great.

The thick granit plates are around the sides and back- the front is metal and glass, so that direct heat does radiate.

DD and SIL have named guardians for the DGC - I am assuming one or other of DD's sisters but haven't enquired more closely just glad to know they did that when making their wills.

When my daughter was widowed she immediately made a will naming her siblings as guardians of her son in case of her death. She talked to her sister and brothers at length about various scenarios and how to ensure they kept in touch with her late husband's family. I thought it was very sensible of her.
I 'left' my money and children to my parents in law in my first will - and had a great deal of peace of mind during subsequent major illnesses. I have no doubt that my own siblings would have offered to care for my children, which is why I wanted my wishes to be known.

I 'm not at all convinced you can bequeath children in your will!


Well, you don't bequeath the children obviously, you appoint one or more willing relative or person to be guardian(s) to care for them until they are of age. Should the worst happen it would save a lot of anxiety and prevent the intervention of the authorities.

Sounds Lovely Granjura.

Thanks jingl- belting out as we speak. It is a Hase Jena.

ooops no, the larger model Como.

Its alright if family all live near but if you are in foreign country and think about your children being left orphans it helps if something has been arranged and put down on paper. I think jingle's comments show how she really is. I can't say more than that.
My daughters have a reciprical arrangement as we are now too old to take on young teenagers. In our case our children would have returned to the Uk and later gone to a boarding school with holidays at several places. I'm so glad it didn't happen but these days with car accidents its right and responsible for parents to show their love and concern for their children
by making plans. Parents know best who they want to bring up their children.

this question is scary as my DD and partner have not bothered to make any plans, his parents are really shirty and don't like me and there would be a huge fight if the worst happened. as I have major health problems I would not get custody and the other gps are younger and fitter than me. I have a feeling they would not let me see DGD at all.

I knew a woman who had custody for four grandsons, her three daughters had all died in their 20s of cancer and all had been single parents and this woman looked after all of the grandkids, she is an absolute wonder, some of the boys go to their other grandparents for a weekend or so but mainly they are with their gran. It was a few years ago since Ive seen her and the kids will be teenagers now but I admire her so much. I couldn't cope with this. She had also has has a heart attack and cancer and come through.
It is surprising what we can do if we have to.

Sadly, Etheltbags1 it does happen. We had a similar case of a gran suddenly finding herself with 4 children. The church put out an appeal for beds and bedding. It took ages for her to get proper housing for them all.

I was talking about this with DD recently and she said she and her husband had made a will stating that her brother would have the children. Presumably he would want them to have his little boy if the worst happened.

Years ago my mother told me that if anything happened to her and my father she would want the Official Guardian to care for me (Does this even still exist?) It struck me recently that I would have hated this and I wondered why she hadn't thought of my two maiden aunts as guardians.I used to spend a lot of time with them and although they had never married or had children I think we'd have got on pretty well. She seemed to have something against involving families and being beholden to them.

ethel i think your DD could name you as a joint guardian without you having day to day care. CAB or a helpful solicitor would be able to advise.

When we hear stories from WW2 we take the fact that Grandma took care of orphaned grandchildren for granted. I have often thought about this as becoming a grandmother in my sixties meant I was often really tired when looking after the toddlers. I often thought of the those who looked after their GCs in the post war years when most mothers went out to work.
A guardian system sounds a good idea and a maiden aunt was always much better than a home. What we have heard about these 'homes' in the last few years means that our children have to plan to prevent their own children being taken into care.

Deedaa the Official Guardian still exists. It essentially means making a child a ward of court and lawyers, presumably with Social Services advice deciding how the child can be cared for. In your case, they probably would have considered that your two aunts, had they been willing, were the people best able to care for you.

It still seems a very impersonal way to deal with me Flickety You'd think they could have sorted something out themselves. Somehow my parents never seemed very involved with me as a child, we were much closer when I grew up.