Gransnet forums


Baby shower gifts

(46 Posts)
Georgiegirl14 Sat 04-Jul-15 17:20:28

Help please
I'm going to my DIL baby shower tomorrow and am in a tizz about what I should take. I've made lots of little things for the baby like a play mat, blankets and burp cloths but don't know whether I should take these or just take a print for the nursery and take these some other time. It's unlikely I'll see them again before the baby arrives as they live three hours away. I don't want to offend anyone as the DIL mother will be there too. I am staying overnight as is she but wondered about giving some stuff after the shower?

soontobe Sat 04-Jul-15 19:19:32

I will bump for you.
I have never been to a baby shower in my life, so I dont know.

But the things you have made sound lovely.

Luckygirl Sat 04-Jul-15 19:42:16

I am an old fuddy-duddy when it comes to baby showers. It all seems rather mercenary to me, inviting people round to get presents. Maybe I am a pessimist, but I would rather wait till I knew all was well with the baby before receiving presents.

For me it is just another unwelcome US import, like Halloween and schools proms - don't get me started on that last one!

Sorry - I hope you have a good time.

Alea Sat 04-Jul-15 20:21:06

As Granny you will have presumably made or bought lots of things for your new grandchild, I would restrict my "baby shower" present to one thing and something for your DIL, one of the lovely "mother and baby" products, perhaps. I think one range is called something like "Blossom and Bloom".

Georgiegirl14 Sat 04-Jul-15 20:39:51

I agree Luckygirl, it doesn't really sit well with me. Thanks Alea, it's such a worry not to do the wrong thing ! If they lived closer you'd just give them something each time you saw them. Thanks also soontobe, I think I've got myself in. Frenzy to get things right!

Iam64 Sun 05-Jul-15 09:35:50

I was a negative responder to baby showers until I went to one. One of the great auntie's put a small box together of things she'd made, and essential bottles of stuff for the mum and the baby - that was very well received. Some of the young friends clubbed together to by the mum to be a massage - all very jolly. Hope you enjoy it.

LesleyC Mon 06-Jul-15 13:53:09

I'm sure whatever you took Georgiegirl14 will have been appreciated. In my experience baby showers are usually held by a friend of the mum-to-be at her house and they are usually lovely get togethers of all their friends and the two grandmas with lots of nice food that everyone contributes to. I think it's lovely and not mercenary at all.

Iam64 Mon 06-Jul-15 18:22:25

Thanks LesleyC, that's been my experience as well. I get fed up with people grumbling about the youth of today smile

Day6 Sun 31-Jul-16 19:43:44

I'd hoped there'd be something about baby showers on Gransnet. I have opened an old thread, so forgive me but I am feeling perplexed/angry.

I must admit, this is a new one on me. My partner's DIL is expecting a baby. Today she informed me she was having a baby shower (she is organising it herself)and would be telling people to give her money so she could buy a bigger item for baby. Her partner agreed that's what they wanted.

I have to say I was really taken aback! You don't demand, ever, from friends, not in my book anyway! Why on earth would anyone attend a baby shower to be told a monetary contribution was expected? I mentioned it to my friend who told me when she went to one, for her DIL a few years ago, it was about giving knitted bootees and having a cup of tea, cake and a girly chat.

I shall be a surrogate Grandmother to this baby, but really, I am not feeling the love I should be. Partner's DIL is not shy in coming forward an is often brutally honest. I find her brash and lacking in any sort of humility. Now I am adamant I shan't attend this baby shower. We've already paid for her pram/car seat and she virtually told my partner that's what we should buy them.

I am with Luckylegs on this one. If this is the way an American tradition is being played out in the UK, I am not in favour.

f77ms Sun 31-Jul-16 19:59:54

day6 I too am fed up with all these US imports. The proms annoy me the most along with 4 years olds dressed in morter boards `graduating` from nursery , blo*dy ridiculous .

NanaandGrampy Sun 31-Jul-16 20:17:08

I am a fan of baby showers done right.

Firstly, I consider it rude to arrange your own shower. You might as well write 'Gimme Gimme' on your forehead.

I have attended several showers for my daughter and daughters friends , each arranged by the mum-to-bes best friend. There were games and cake and lots of laughter. One of the best was my youngest daughters shower for her second child where guests were asked IF they wanted to bring a gift , could it be a favourite book which they signed.

So , each book had personal meaning . It was lovely .

It sounds like your partners DiL is just grabbing what she can, and I would be as annoyed as you.

J52 Sun 31-Jul-16 20:19:38

It all sounds very 'grabby' I wouldn't go either. Maybe not many others will turn up!

tanith Sun 31-Jul-16 20:25:15

I think they are always about gimme gimme gimme, sorry but I think buying a present once the baby is born is just so much nicer. Just my opinion of course I just don't like them. If Mum wants to get together with friends for a party then that's fine but its usually expected that presents are bought/brought.

LullyDully Sun 31-Jul-16 20:32:29

In 1978 I went to Jamaica with my husband for work. We went in January and son no1 was born late April. We had shipped everything for the baby to arrive in time as we couldn't buy a lot of nice stuff there at the time due to an awful.recession.
I used to meet up with some expatriate British and America's weekly to play bridge. When the shipment was delayed I started to panic, no mum around to help and I wondered what I had let myself into.
One week they totally surprised me and threw the most glorious baby shower with cake and fun. I shall never forget the generosity and love of those virtual strangers. Some has made things themselves and it was.all beautifully wrapped. I used the intricate.ribbon patterns to.pretty up the baby's room.

I have very fond memories of that shower, I felt so special and it helped me to prepare.for my baby. The Americans can get it right. Thank you to them .flowers

Day6 Sun 31-Jul-16 21:55:26

LullyDully, now that sounds like the sort of reason people would rally round and give you such a lovely surprise and make sure you did have things for baby's arrival. Yours was memorable.

The baby showers described by others also sound fairly low key and well-meant.

Today, on leaving after a short visit I offered to buy her cot sheets and baby vests, as you can never have enough for newborns and she threw the suggestion back in my face with "We've bought some." Then she said money was more important. It's fair enough if she doesn't want any more clothes for the baby, but to think people should give her money is a bit much imo!

It's taken the shine off what should be a lovely occasion, a new baby to look forward to. I am trying really hard to get on with her, (she's only 20 and this is her first child, so perhaps she is slightly naive) and I want be the interested Grandmother but she isn't making it easy. I am hoping a friend will take her aside and tell her that baby showers aren't like engagements or weddings. She really is thick-skinned.

Her own mother lives overseas and won't be over until her daughter gives birth so I am the only Grandmother-to-be in her life right now. I am trying hard to be supportive and excited for her and I hate falling out and atmospheres, but her baby shower idea has thrown me completely.

granjura Sun 31-Jul-16 22:00:40

Bah humbug - another 'merican horrible grabby custom creeping in- hate it and just wouldn't know what to do if invited to one.

When I expected our children- it was considered very bad luck to give presents for the baby before the birth.

Grannyknot Sun 31-Jul-16 22:09:50

granjura baby showers are customary in South Africa, with the idea to bring gifts like baby oil, shampoo, nappies etc to help with the expense of a new baby. They are always happy, joyous and fun occasions and thank goodness superstition doesn't get a look in. Lots of tea and cake though!

granjura Sun 31-Jul-16 22:19:29

My grand-niece had one recently in CT- and I was surprised I have to say, and thought 'Merica' has reached ZA. How long has that tradition been going on, I wonder?

SusieCook Mon 01-Aug-16 09:16:17

I'm with you Luckygirl, I was brought up not to ask for presents but I do think these baby showers put a lot of people under pressure to buy the right thing, and yes don't get me started on proms as well!

Marmight Mon 01-Aug-16 09:31:53

There seems to be an incredible amount of expectation/it's my right from young people these days whether it be weddings, proms, baby showers, new house... I always give a gift once the baby has arrived but of late I have not had any acknowledgements so I am afraid that when baby no. 2 arrives, as happened with my cousin's grandchild recently, I don't give anything. I will give money for various occasions, but not if specifically asked for it. As for baby showers and proms, just other imports from across the Pond to be ignored in my not-so-very-humble opinion. Me, grumpy? Never! grin

Anniebach Mon 01-Aug-16 09:38:31

Proms. Baby showers. Lock Down. Grrrrrrrrrr

goose1964 Mon 01-Aug-16 10:15:11

I thought the idea of the baby shower was for friends to organise it & you play silly games &rake a token gift for he baby shuch as wipes, baby lotion etc

DD is plannin to have another american import, a gender reveal party. The idea being you have food in pink & blue play baby related games & the finally they cut the cake to say if they are having a boy or a girl - even the parents don't know before then (they get the sonographer to write down the gender & put it in an envelope which they give to the baker). Much a I like the idea in principle I think it's a bit sad that the baker knows the gender before they will

Granny2016 Mon 01-Aug-16 10:22:52


I,m also not a fan of baby showers,but your presents sound really lovely.
Very special as you have made them,what a lucky baby.
You can take another present when you go to meet your new grandchild.

HannahLoisLuke Mon 01-Aug-16 10:40:22

I'm another grump who hates all this American stuff. Just another excuse to spend, spend and spend again. And as for asking for money, it's as bad as wedding guests being asked to contribute to the honeymoon! Just tacky.

Marydoll Mon 01-Aug-16 10:48:42

I have always been uneasy about baby showers, perhaps a little superstitious. My DIL lost a baby the week before her mother was due to have a baby shower for her.
A young temp colleague in my work told us she expected us to organise a baby shower for her! She had hardly been there any length of time. It is a different world from when we had our families.