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New to all this and emotional wreck

(32 Posts)
joscurry Thu 09-Jul-15 16:24:18

My daughter gave birth to a little girl last Thursday and I became a grandmother for the first time. She and her husband live on farm in a tied cottage (about 5 hour drive) and decided that they would do the visiting and my daughter is a very fair minded person and is allotting us all a span of time.... I've just come to the end of my time and they have now moved on to the other family members. The next visit is to her father, I left him about 8 years ago and have happy new life in another marriage.....

So, I am all over the place, emotions running rampant... I have managed to get through visit and kept 'me' out of it. She's an amazing mummy and this is her dream come true; a baby of her own to love.... And I feel no need to advise her.... It's not that....

I'm quite overwhelmed with emotion I don't understand....

And don't know quite what's going on?

jinglbellsfrocks Thu 09-Jul-15 16:28:30

I swear the grandmother's hormones go a bit funny when she is around a first grandchild. It will all settle down soon.

When is your next baby viewing timed for? smile

Congrats btw. smile

jinglbellsfrocks Thu 09-Jul-15 16:34:09

I always howled wept when they went home. Not anymore though. (Raucous 9 and 13 year olds) hmm smile

Stansgran Thu 09-Jul-15 16:38:03

Aah my daughter's daughter. So very special. I remember carrying the first grandchild to the window of the hospital in New York to look at her (and hide my tears) and thinking the whole world is out there and it's all yours. Very soppy.

joscurry Thu 09-Jul-15 16:38:18

Thank you. No future visit planned, they will return home on Saturday. I just said that I will take my cue by them... And will stay at nearby b&b. They have tiny house, no room at the inn... I just want to support them and help where I can.... It's just weird, this feeling. Like I don't know my role and would like a They are doing so well, and a good friend complimented me because I must have contributed to my daughters mothering skills.... I suppose that I'm old enough to remember the mothers mum being part of the settling days.... My daughter doesn't need that.... Early days, I know.... Just need to sort out my own hormones, as you say.

downtoearth Thu 09-Jul-15 17:21:18

joscurry I remember that feeling very well my daughter unmarried and 18 in a difficult relationship with babies father ,my daughter suffered from epilepsy so pregnancy meant I was on high alert all the time as she lived at home..I was happy that all went well I cared for my daughter to enable her to care for hers so....why did I go to pieces ...end of an era,no longer a child but woman ..The moment it really hit me was when they referred to mum as they handed me the baby and I realised in stead of being a main player I had been relegated to the supporters passes..and several friends have also been wobbly after daughters children arrive for a while .....congratulations on your first grandchildflowers

trisher Thu 09-Jul-15 17:48:48

Congratulations joscurry you have done so well, both as a mum and a gran. It's a big step and a complete change no wonder you feel emotional. I also think today's young mums seem to be so organised (were we ever like that?) it's sometimes difficult to know where a gran fits in. It isn't the same as it was but it is still a wonderful time of your life and you have a perfect right to laugh, cry, scream your head off or do whatever you feel like.

NanKate Thu 09-Jul-15 17:53:48

A new baby in the family wonderful. flowers

I had found motherhood very difficult and suffered from post natal depression. So when I knew I was to become a grandmother I didn't make too much of it. How wrong could I be, I was besotted with GS1 and also GS2 It Is the best thing that has happened to me. smile

Once things have settled down for you joscurry you will slip into being a doting grandparent with ease, just give it time.

joscurry Thu 09-Jul-15 18:01:19

Thank you all so so much for taking time out to empathise with me... All your comments are really helping me make sense of the unmade jigsaw my life has become. My granddaughter is so so beautiful, and part of my emotion is watching my daughter and son in law being a team and its all so very very lovely. I'm glad I'm not alone, when I found this forum, I felt a lifeline had been thrown..... My daughter is juggling a very complicated family; 4 sets of grandparents is no mean task.... I am learning to share .... I loved being a mum and my every being was about that. Empty nest syndrome was really tricky... Defining yourself as a mum and then wondering what the hell you are, when yours fly is no mean feat.... Is it?

Iam64 Thu 09-Jul-15 18:24:05

Congratulations joscurry, grandchildren cause havoc in grandparents emotions, don't they. In our case, I seem to have a bit more of a grip than mriam, who weeps when he holds our tiny grandson. Your daughter sounds a real trouper, making family visits with such a tiny baby - she deserves a mother courage award (we should ask GNHQ to devise such a medal). flowers for all

Lona Thu 09-Jul-15 18:33:12

Congratulations joscurry, your dd and sil sound lovely, so just enjoy what time you're allotted and don't make waves!
I never got that rush of emotions until my third dgd, but they kicked in with a vengeance then and I'm her total slave now! grin

Luckygirl Thu 09-Jul-15 18:52:40

Congratulations on the arrival of your DGD - how exciting. The love that you feel for these new lives is extraordinary, and I find myself more moved by each developmental phase than I was with my own - I was probably too tired!

How wise of your DD to find a way to be fair to all with such a wide family - I am amazed that she felt able to come and see you after only a week - what a girl!

I have 7 GC now and each one is a special gift.

You will gradually find your role with this new little person and have many years of delight ahead of you.

AshTree Thu 09-Jul-15 19:23:24

Congratulations! I can so understand how you feel, as my daughter gave birth to a little girl two weeks ago - not my first grandchild, but my first granddaughter. Each of my grandchildren have brought such joy and the depth of feelings can take you by surprise - it is different somehow with your grandchildren, when you are more relaxed, less tired. I find I marvel at little details that I suspect passed me by when my children were tiny - but now I can stare at little fingernails or eyelashes and just melt. It is a wonderful feeling!

And how lucky you are to find that your daughter is already proving to be such a great mummy - that must be so reassuring for you, especially as she lives a distance from you. You won't need to worry about how she is coping. I too was amazed that she felt well enough to travel that distance so soon after giving birth! Good for her, you clearly did a good job as her mum smile.

It's so good that she is being fair to everyone, which will surely mean that you will be able to spend time regularly with your new little granddaughter and build a strong and loving relationship with her. Enjoy all the wonderful times ahead, and have a celebratory wine or two!

rosesarered Thu 09-Jul-15 19:47:30

You will settle with a bit of time . I think part of the problem is that you are so far away from them.The other thing is when your own children have children, it is a kind of loss to you ( they are no longer children) and your role is over.we are Mothers for so many years, that this bit is hard to transition.I do wish I had given more thought to my own Mother when I first had a baby and was a five hour drive away as well.

rosesarered Thu 09-Jul-15 19:48:22

Welcome to the forum btw.

Judthepud2 Thu 09-Jul-15 22:42:37

Congratulations Joscurry. My baby granddaughter was born last Wednesday. She lives in Surrey and I live in N. Ireland so we aren't close either. She is my 6th grandchild but each of them has been such a joy. I was a birth partner at all of their births and it is such an emotional thing each time.

You will find your role eventually, don't worry. I found that each of my DDs wanted advice and reassurance with their first babies so you will probably find that happening. Your role as the little one gets older will develop. Like all children she will need lots of love, spoiling and play from her gran. But do remember that mum and dad are the bosses now! What they say must be respected. Some grandparents forget that.

seasider Thu 09-Jul-15 22:58:39

Just congratulations and enjoy whatever time you get with your granddaughter. Skype is great for keeping in touch because you will be able to see her smile

Nelliemoser Thu 09-Jul-15 23:27:54

joscurry Congratulations Grandma. The excitement of holding a new Grandchild is amazing.

joscurry Fri 10-Jul-15 07:01:18

Well, feeling better because of you people. 8 days a grandma and coming to terms with the powerful emotion. I guess you really don't expect such a powerful emotional response. I'm one of the last of my friends to become one and although some expressed emotion; one friend said, it's quite something when your daughter has a daughter. I can see the power is the matriarchal line!
I am proud of my daughter... And my new little granddaughter...
Just need to hold on, methinks. I don't like rollercoaster rides, I think I survived my first descent!
Thank you...
I will suggest Skype to my daughter... That will be a good thing..

Lilygran Fri 10-Jul-15 07:29:18

Congratulations, joscurry and Ashtree! I don't know why grandchildren are so special, but they are.

downtoearth Fri 10-Jul-15 08:38:59

even the non biological sons partner ...first met her a year ago ..this weekend ...has wormed her way into my heart and I love her dearly aged 2 going on 22 she is a delight...sunshine

downtoearth Fri 10-Jul-15 08:39:53

and her mum is lovely too sunshine

annodomini Fri 10-Jul-15 09:05:45

Congratulations, joscurry. Your emotions are quite normal. We remember the moment of bonding with our own firstborn but maybe the feeling of bonding with a first GC is quite unexpected. Don't tell my other four GC whom I love very dearly, but I still, 23 years on, feel a very special bond with my first GD.

Teetime Fri 10-Jul-15 09:40:50

Hallo joscurry and as others have said this is all quite normal but it is very confusing isn't it. When my daughter gave us our beautiful grandson I cried buckets for what I thought was losing her and relief that she was Ok after a difficult pregnancy. She didn't live near us and now has moved even further away. GS is lovely but now growing fast (11) but I miss his baby and toddler days. We treasure the photos and videos we have of him. Take lots of them and get on Skype or Facetime if you can. Congratulations on your new and very important role. flowers

GillinVernanates Fri 10-Jul-15 14:09:04

When we were expecting our first grandchild (Harrison now 12), our daughter and husband bought us a book called Your First Grandchild, by Peggy Vance, Claire Neilson and Paul Greenwood. It's an amusing tongue in cheek view of what it's like to be a grandparent with some underlying messages of what you should and shouldn't do. If you get the chance read it (still on sale at Amazon). We've managed to steer our way through four grandchildren now (2 of each) and it certainly helped us remember what you should/shouldn't do. Would also say it's totally different if it's your daughter or daughter in law who's given birth! Love them all to bits