Jealous of ex husbands wife as grandparent to my grandchildren.

I'm a 2nd wife; DH and 1st wife were long divorced when he & I met. All 4 grandchildren have been born since then. 1st wife and I got on like a house on fire but sadly she had a terminal illness and died nearly 8 years ago, when 2 of the grandchildren had been born. She made it clear to all that with her blessing I was to be known as Grandma, and all the children know that as well as me (and their other Grannys) there was Grandma Chris.

I agree wholeheartedly with all those who say that children can never have too many people to love them. Although one of the other grannys questions my grandma status ("It's not as if you're their REAL grandmother"), I maintain that my love for them is possibly purer because I don't actually have to love them. I do, though, more than I can say, because I had no children from my 1st marriage and had accepted that I'd never have the joy of grandchildren. So I often quietly shed happy tears when a little hand creeps into mine or I get a shakily written note from the 5 year old telling me she loves me!

My #dgd has a step granddad and he insists on being called granddad. DD and me both think this is wrong as he is no relation to the child, I refer to him by his Christian name prefixed by 'step grandad'. You cannot replace the blood tie no matter what.

If I had step GC I would be kind to them but would not treat them as well as my own, eg. I would buy more presents for my own and give her more affection. I would not be able to help it.

I just could not love other peoples children.

is that post one of your famous wind ups etheltbags1?

Not all ethel's posts can be shrugged off as 'wind-ups' Iam64.

No Im not winding nayone up, what have I said to upset anyone now.

all my family agree with what I have said.

Nope, I realise that Ana, just thought that one was so off the wall it was worth asking

Are you having a go at me because I couldnt love other peoples children.
I didn't say I would 'harm' them, I just couldn't share the love I have for my little family with others. I have never remarried because of this, my mother was the same and DD is the same.

If I met someone now (don't want to particularly) I would not want to have anything to do with their family, I just love my own. Is that wrong to love your own ?

I can love other people's children.
The child couldn't care less if you are a 'blood' relative or not - it is the quality of the relationship that matters.
I think it is terribly mean to insist on 'step-grandad' - hopefully when the child is old enough they find their own name and are not so pedantic.
I am glad that people were not so mean spirited with my children, who just happily had extra grandparents who treated them equally.

Of course you can love other people's children. Happens all the time when adoption takes place.

Love is the one thing that wonderfully multiplies when you give it away. The more love you give the more love comes to you.

Great comment Synonymous. What's that Beatles song - the love you take is equal to the love you make.

Probably repeating some of the other spots but it doesn't seem an issue for us but I can't remember making any decisions about it, or thinking about it much. Children just have to be cared for. All the grandchildren for everyone have been born since my ex and I (and the other exes!) have been with new partners. It's only the blood relative who has the title -we use first names otherwise- but everyone else has the role. When my partner's grandchildren stay I do everything for them that I'd do for and with my daughter's children and get as many cuddles. One of my daughters is in Australia, just round the corner from her husband's parents, so feeling jealous about that would be a waste of energy.

I am a step granny to two but also have four GC by my children. I am known as Nonna to all of them as my DH is Italian and known as Nonno! We treat them all equally and my DH is the only GF my GC have known as I was widowed 20 years ago! The 2 GC on his side also have 2 other grandmothers and a grandfather. Unfortunately we don't see them often enough because we live in Italy but when we do see them we have quality time with them. Oh, and we will also have 2 more stepGC when DH's DD gets married in Aug as her partner has 2 children by a previous marriage!! Complicated isn't it!!

I do so agree Synonymous.
I wouldn't want to give a grandchild the idea that I only love them because they are a blood relative and they are unloveable by anyone else.
It is all meaningless anyway because the child makes the relationship long before they understand relationships.
It was never an issue with us, having generous people, but we would have had to have less to do with a grandparent who wasn't going to take us a family of 4 and saw us as their family of 3, treating one child as second class.
I see it as very harmful. My friend has 2 adopted grandchildren and 2 blood grandchildren - this would mean that she would have to love the blood ones more and upset a lot of people.

The last sentence may be confusing - the adopted children are her grandchildren and I can't see why 'blood' would make them more so.

A girl I know lives with her mother and step dad, she spends alternative weekends with her real dad and his mother, her smaller siblings go to their real grandparents but they do not invite the girl. When she goes to her real grandmother, she is loaded down with presents and clothes but they don't send stuff for the other two. It works both ways. At Christmas she gets presents from dad, gran, dads new girlfriend , girlfriends parents and grandparents but none of them recognise the other children .

I see this as fair, I could quote many examples of this, I thought it was normal until some people on here are giving me the impression that it is not.

I could easily be jealous of any step grandparents that my DGD had if there were any. its a normal feeling.

My sort of steps are not quite the same. They are the children of my ex DiL and her partner, so they are my GD's half siblings. They call me Nana and I looked after them when they were small and they stay here with me. We have a lovely relationship although they are not mine or DH's.

I AM a step child ethelbags and I have to say I am supremely grateful that my parents and grandparents didn't feel the same as you. I have a 2 sisters and a brother and one of those sisters and the brother are 'step' !

We NEVER use that terminology . They ARE my brother and sister. My Mum and (step) Dad never used that terminology and neither did my Gran and Grandad.

If my sister and I went to visit our real Dad and his wife - our step Mum - and we got gifts , we brought gifts back for the little ones too. If my Gran and Grandad visited , everyone was treated equally and to be honest not only would my Mum not have tolerated anything less , it was just expected.

I never felt more or less loved by all of the people in my life and neither do any of my siblings. We are family and all equal regardless of who our individual parents are.

I find that so much nicer NanaandGrampy. I would put the children first, as an adult I can deal with any feelings of jealousy not that I can see why extra people loving, and being loved, by my grandchildren takes anything away from me.

It's been that way for 50 years in our family Leticia so it's the norm.

Add to that we are Mum and Dad No2 to some of our DDs friends who need that sort of relationship. We have enough love to share :-)

Love to me is a sharing thing and not something you ration out, or keep very contained.
My brother has never had children but he has had step children since they were pre teen. He now has the pleasure of their children and they call him Grandad- no one gets all mean spirited and tries to hold him off by making sure that he knows his place (or lack of place). The children are old enough to understand, it doesn't mean they love him any less or that he takes love away from anyone else! It doesn't have to be Grandma and John, it is just Grandma and Grandad and they call the other set by whatever name they all choose.

I think that blood relations are over rated- we get stuck with them and we can choose the rest! ( I love my blood relations I hasten to add but I also love some that are just related through marriage)

My MiL repeatedly tells my youngest 2 children that my other 2 children ( their half-siblings) don't count as brothers and sisters. Thank goodness my DH doesn't see it that way. They are all part of the family.

oh dear, maybe I live in a different world to you lot. I had 3 in laws and 4 nieces and nephews, I never had time for them nor did I want to be auntie and I never let them call me auntie, I only saw them about 3 times in their lives, now grown up and I don't know them but as I was married to their uncle I felt that I was not a real auntie. I felt out of place, however my inlaws who are my DDs aunts and uncles never call to visit her nor have they done anything for her, so I have had nothing to reciprocate. I probably will never see these people again. I did however see BIL over the xmas but I
don't suppose I will see him till next year. this is normal for my family, I don't wish anyone anything bad I just don't bother.

So if DD was to go into a new relationship where a stepchild was involved Ijust would not bother, I would just love my own DGD as I have always done.