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Grandparenting

Miscarriage

(28 Posts)
lizh Wed 23-Mar-16 10:28:01

Both DiLs have had miscarriages in the last three months. Both trying for a first baby, one aged 32, one 37. Both miscarriages were within first 6/7 weeks and the nurse told one that it happened to 1 in 3! Do not remember so many miscarriages in 'our' day. Is it because they know so early now with pregnancy kits. In the olden days of yore you had to wait till you'd missed two periods, then take a sample to the doctor who sent it off somewhere for days, then you eventually found out! Maybe some of us were having miscarriages then without realising it.

whitewave Wed 23-Mar-16 10:29:40

I miscarried and was told the same thing so it properly did happen as frequently

rosesarered Wed 23-Mar-16 10:45:00

My DIL had two miscarriages, and yes, it is very common ( also very sad.)

rosesarered Wed 23-Mar-16 10:46:47

liz think you may be right, also not everyone used to share news of either pregnancy or miscarriage , at least not widely.

Nonnie Wed 23-Mar-16 10:52:30

Please give them lots of love and understanding, it is such a lonely thing. It is actually even worse if you have held your own baby in your arms but they don't need to know that. Out of 10 babies I only succeeded with 3 for various reasons so please let them know that it is worth it in the end.

If they have more miscarriages there is a lot of advice out there now and a support group but please be sensitive, I still hurt from some of the 'helpful' things people said to me. I still get very upset just writing this.

Nonnie Wed 23-Mar-16 10:53:35

Sorry, that sounded all about me, I was just trying to get over how difficult it could be for them

rosesarered Wed 23-Mar-16 10:58:38

๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’ Nonnie

Jane10 Wed 23-Mar-16 11:08:28

Aww that's so sad. So much hope and excitement. Yes maybe people know too soon these days but that's no comfort to the would be mums (and grans) sad

annodomini Wed 23-Mar-16 11:14:52

My mum miscarried twins between my birth and my sister's. And one of my DiLs had a miscarriage but now has two lively sons. My best friend had several, adopted a daughter and then had one of her own. So yes, there were many miscarriages in our time and before that. Perhaps they weren't spoken of so openly.

kittylester Wed 23-Mar-16 12:04:48

Two of our DDs have had miscarriages. One already had 2 children and the experience made her decide that she wouldn't try again. DD3 had 3 before she had two children in very quick succession. It's hard as, almost inevitably, lots of friends and acquaintances are having babies around the same time.

harrigran Wed 23-Mar-16 13:03:47

When we were young I think a lot of early miscarriages went unmentioned because testing was in it's infancy.
I lost a baby at 16.5 weeks and at that stage you really feel pregnant.
DIL had a miscarriage and the Drs told her at 10 week scan that it had been an unviable pregnancy and the foetus had probably not survived after the first few weeks of gestation. DIL was pregnant again after four months and gave birth to a very healthy, full term baby.

Wendysue Wed 23-Mar-16 13:44:53

So sorry about your DIL's miscarriages, lizh. My heart goes out to them and your DSs! And you, too, of course!

I think you're right though - there have probably always been a lot more misses than we knew and we're finding out now cuz we know about pregnancy earlier. Years ago, we would just have thought some of these misses were late periods.

As harrigan suggests, these probably were not viable pregnancies and the fetuses (sigh) were probably dead a long time. IMO, there's a strong chance that both DILs will give birth to healthy babies in the near future.

Waveney Wed 23-Mar-16 18:24:27

I think it's just that people never spoke about their miscarriage. I lost my first baby at 12 weeks, my eldest D did the same, and my younger D miscarried shortly after Christmas. I was quoted the figure of 1 in 5 pregnancies are miscarried. You always carry the memory of the child you never held, but I am not sure if it's worse when it's your little girl losing their child.

annsixty Wed 23-Mar-16 18:59:42

My D miscarried twice but the first time she became pregnant again quite quickly and a lovely GD resulted. The second time she was 45, not trying too obviously but still very traumatised by it.

Elegran Wed 23-Mar-16 19:04:21

I seem to remember being told once that more than a quarter of pregnancies come to an end without success. Sometimes it has not even been confirmed as a pregnancy, often it is (or used to be) at about the 3-month point, and sometimes it is at or near term when things go wrong.

People used to wait longer before anouncing the pregnancy, so unless you were close family, you didn't hear about the miscarriage either.

Luckygirl Wed 23-Mar-16 21:52:34

I had one before my 3 successful pregnancies; my DD had 2 late ones before she had her two babes. It really is very common, and, as others have said, the fact that mothers know so early makes it more obvious.

Please do no despair - the midwives used to say it was nature having a trial run. It is more likely than not that they will go on to have normal pregnancies.

Judthepud2 Wed 23-Mar-16 23:07:17

All 3 DDs have had miscarriages. DD1 had 2 one after the other but subsequently had 2 healthy babies with no problems. It is really sad even though so common. Such a disappointment. Always the what if.

Stepnana4 Thu 24-Mar-16 13:36:04

A friend of mine has just had a miscarriage and it always brings back the sadness of mine. I actually had four,from very early to nearly full term but my medical records say three because I didn't have the doctor confirm one of the pregnancies.I don't know if it's still like that, it still hurts that one of my babies wasn't acknowledged . Once a woman loses three babies she qualifies for investigation into the loss of her babies so it's very important to get each pregnancy confirmed.
Of course that was over 20 years ago so it's hopefully changed since then.

Nonnie,people can say hurtful things like 'he's in a better place' and 'it wasn't meant to be ' but I guess it's hard for them too,at least they didn't cross the road when they saw me like many others did.

Elrel Fri 25-Mar-16 08:49:37

When I was quite young I lost a baby at 12 weeks. A doctor said that a third of first pregnancies failed. I didn't feel right until 5 years later when had my daughter.

obieone Fri 25-Mar-16 08:56:23

DD has had 3 miscarriages in the last year. She has been diagnosed with underactive thyroid during her third one. Apparently, undiagnosed underactive thyroid increases risk of miscarriage by 7 times. In her case, we are hoping that that may have been the cause.

Also apparently, there are more miscarriages, as mums are sometimes older than they used to be.

lizh Thu 27-Oct-16 11:52:28

If anyone following this thread.....I wrote in March that both DILs had very early miscarriages. Delighted to be able to tell you that BOTH are now pregnant, had 3month scan etc, and BOTH due in early April!

MiniMouse Thu 27-Oct-16 12:33:57

Lizh That's wonderful news. I hope you can all enjoy the pregnancies without worrying too much and look forward to April.

Judthepud2 Thu 27-Oct-16 15:58:00

What wonderful newslizh Thanks for the update. April is going to be an exciting month for you all! Hope you can return with news about the babies.

Luckygirl Thu 27-Oct-16 16:29:41

lizh - thank you for sharing that good news - and I am so glad that it is BOTH of them!

JackPonting Wed 03-Apr-19 08:40:15

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