I don't love my grandchild

Yes.... so true.... there is the belief that we should automatically live them because it the GChild...
I do feel terrible because I have never ever been able to take to the second born GD..
I try so hard... but I watch her manipulate her mother father ( both can see no wrong)...
the eldest daughter gets the blame for everything down to being told to get off a chair because little miss wants it!! And wants it NOW Even though they are identical.
Unfortunately the youngest a bit .z is also the golden haired son and I can see that heading the same way.x
Oh dear I feel rotten about feeling like this...
I had the 6 of them and sometimes I have to bite my tongue when these kids.. in particular middle GD.. is screaming and kicking...
I soo want to say to my daughter you are enabling it...
And not one of you children spoke in that demanding immediate attention ... or else deteriorating behaviour descending. you wouldn’t even dream if it...you Were well behaved especially in other homes
I feel really upset about this

I think you expected far too much in the first place Nannymarg53.

Of course we don't get the 'rush of unconditional love' some people have with their own babies (I didn't anyway).

The grandchild is not 'ours' but belongs to the parents. We seldom agree entirely with their child rearing methods.

We should be wise enough to avoid advising or interfering, though. We let them do it their way.

I do love my children and grandchildren. Often I dislike their behaviour - but that's life - so I try to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself (when I'm with them)!

Love is a weird emotion. I didn't even get the whoosh love effect when my children were born. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't have let anything happen to them or let anyone take them away but I didn't feel love until I got to know them and I think it was because I was with them 24/7. I've not got the same link with my grandchildren. Again I wouldn't let anything happen to them or anyone take them away but I don't feel a massive love bond with them although the attachment is greater than that with other children I know so there must be something extra there.

I have written previously on a GN forum about love and g.children. I absolutely loved all my children, to the exclusion of everything else. Even when they drove me mad in teenage years, I could never stop that total love.
I was never particularly keen on having g.children. As my children grew into adults I discovered a wonderful new world with them, when they paired up with wives, husbands, partners, I dropped down the pecking order with them. I knew that children would push me down even further.
However, all my g.children were planned and wanted babies, No....I never did have any rush of love for any them.
But they made my children happy and anything that does that is good with me. So, I work hard at extending the bubble of love with which I surround my children to go out around their children. The only one of these I have ever felt any sincere affection for was the one that I had a large part in her upbringing.
I now have eight g.children aged between 8 yrs and 20 yrs. One I actively dislike due to her bad behavior - but would never mention this to her parents, or treat her any different.

But...NO .....I never have been and never will be one of those people who say that their g.children are so much better than their own children.

Grandparenting can be strange. My eldest GD, now nearly 15, who is my eldest DD’s child was consumed by her paternal GP’s from birth and I felt pushed out. She is their only GC. I don’t have a very close bond with her. Next up was DS and his two children now 9 and 7. I felt very close to them but they were an hour away and then they moved abroad where they still are, years ago. I was heartbroken at the time but after a long while even they seem to be more distant. DGD from DD2 aged 2, I have seen at least twice a week from birth. I have a very close relationship with her and love her as much as I did my own children.

All but the most blindly doting of grandparents feel like you do at some time

Say absolutely nothing

The children change all the time, especially after they start school, and can grow into the most delightful of children.

I love all three grandsons with every being in my body. However, I will say that the 2-3 age group is horrendous. My gs is 3 going on 4 and oh boy when they come to stay, I also am glad they are going home, so that my dh and I can have some peace haha. Hope you don't beat yourself up about your feelings toward your gd. x

Poor child! From your description nobody would find it easy to love her, as her mother is bringing her up quite wrongly in my opinion.

I feel that in order to love a child you need to be with her quite frequently. Perhaps the real problem here is not so much your granddaughter as the distance involved and the fact that you find the child's mother difficult to like?