We look after our two lovely pre school grandchildren one day each week which we really enjoy. They also come to stay separately or together a couple of times a year for a few days, which we also enjoy. However I am increasingly noticing and feeling that we are being viewed as easy childcare options when this isn't appropriate. When we are all together as a family my DIL and my son will often just clear off to chat whilst we are left looking after the children. My DIL will sometimes lie down and fall asleep. She does nothing to help with the children throughout the visit, unless she is unhappy with something we are doing with them like a game we are playing or something. If we are at their house, my DIL seems to switch off from the children as soon as we arrive. This does not seem to happen with her own family, who very rarely look after the children, but they all meet up a great deal. I do understand about being tired, about needing a break, about the relief of someone else taking the load ..but this is our whole family time, not just free child care. I always end up feeling disappointed and a bit resentful which I really don't want to be.
I know that I could talk to my son about this and my DIL but I am so worried about causing problems as it has taken so long to build up a relationship with my DIL. My son, who is a very good patient and caring dad, is understandably protective of his wife who has always struggled with the children, although she loves them dearly. I don't want anything I say to be taken as criticism as has happened in the past ...I do know that it would be easy to see this as an over sensitive interfering MIL situation ....but even my daughter has said to me that we are too much taken for granted and that our good will is in danger of being abused.
Any ideas as this is really worrying me.
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