Gransnet forums


Havent things changed!

(64 Posts)
MarySunshine Mon 04-Jul-16 06:51:00

Recently joined up here and have been reading through various threads to find my feet, and Im shocked to see how many grandparents are treated badly and taken for granted.
This must be such an heartbreaking thing to happen and it has made me aware of how vulnerable the family relationship can be to change. With my GS being just four weeks old, I was thinking I hadnt seen much of him, as Ive only seen him four times but I now think differently.
We live twenty five miles apart and I was told that everytime they went out visiting with the baby it was too 'stressful' to take so much stuff with them. They live in a third floor flat and the car is in an underground carpark so I guess it isnt easy. They are also doing everything by the book and I find it unbelievable the amount of things a baby needs these days! Everything is 'all singing all dancing' and baby world seems to have changed so much over the past twenty five years!

But not to be deterred, I decided to start to collect my own set of baby essentials. By asking about and using Gumtree I now have my own pushchair and covers. I have an electric (yeah electric!) steriliser, a baby bouncy chair, a travel cot and bedding, a box of toys and Ive been given so many clothes and other bits and pieces. I havent spent more than fifty pounds on 'my collection' and Ive been surprised at how many people jut want things out of the way.
Of course the down side to this idea is that my spare room now resembles a nursery! The good side is that when I showed them what I had they were quite impressed. I was able to invite them to come and stay next weekend and they have agreed. They are both going to catch up on their sleep and an evening out together while here and Im allowed to have littlun while they do (smile)

I really hope that those of you having a rough ride with family can find a way to resolve your difficulties.

Anya Mon 04-Jul-16 07:27:43

How lovely that you were able to do all that to make visiting easier for your family .... and without upsetting the parents. Some new parents do seem to be very prickly these days.

I hope next weekend goes smoothly and leads to many more such visits sunshine

LullyDully Mon 04-Jul-16 07:32:30

You are a very lucky grandma. Enjoy .

NanaandGrampy Mon 04-Jul-16 08:00:44

We did exactly the same as you and 9 years down the line * Mary* we haven't regretted it at all . We now have 2 kids rooms at our house. One is the baby room with a cot etc ( which double as my craft room as the baby can't get out to get to my stuff ) and one is the big kids room, where we now have bunk beds.

My daughters and SiLs love it. We can take the children ad hoc, so if they pop by and one child or another asks to stay they can with no need of the parents transporting vast quantities of stuff.

If the children come to stay we have everything we need , we can do a complete clothes change in an emergency etc.

We were lucky we had the room so it wasn't an issue.

The only thing Id add to your list in due course is a high chair .We like our little ones to sit at the table with us as soon as they are able.

Enjoy the time with your grandchild, I'm sure you'll be seeing a lot more of him smile

ninathenana Mon 04-Jul-16 08:09:21

Great to see a happy post. We did the same. The GSx2 are now 7 and 4 and we still have spare PJ's and a set of clothes for each.
Something else to think about in a few months is a stair gate. We used one on the door between the kitchen and lounge/diner.
Enjoy your babysitting smile

Luckygirl Mon 04-Jul-16 08:17:21

We are just moving house and it makes us realise how much baby/child stuff we have floating about! Some of it can go, as no little babies now - I am told that they are all planning no more, so 7 it is!

Jane10 Mon 04-Jul-16 09:07:17

I've only got one nappy left now -redundant since last GS is now toilet trained. Never thought I'd miss changing nappies. Never mind. Still got a house full of toys and the child seat in the car has converted into a booster seat. Enjoy these years!

Teetime Mon 04-Jul-16 09:14:07

MaryS what a good posting so cheerful and positive it was lovely to read. Enjoy your lovely GS - you have done well to get some things for him at your house it will make visits much easier. They will soon settle down and be more relaxed with the baby once they have grown in confidence and established a routine. My Gs now 12 wont come for visits as we don't have PlayStation!!!

ninathenana Mon 04-Jul-16 09:25:36

Teetime why can he not bring his with him ?

annsixty Mon 04-Jul-16 09:41:40

About 4 years ago I got a call from DiL, would I pick GS up from nursery, he had a rash and they wanted him picked up as soon as possible . I was quite near and it would take some time for her to leave work.
I put him on the sofa and he fell asleep only to wake up soaked. I went to a neighbour to beg a nappy but she wasn't in so I had to use a tea towel secured by huge kilt pins I had had for years. I did tell mum to bin the tea towel !!

Gagagran Mon 04-Jul-16 10:26:19

Our four DGC all arrived in a period of 4 years - so had a baby and a toddler for most of that. It was wonderful! Like other Grans mention we too had all the equipment needed for both arranged and ad hoc sleep overs and I felt really sad when we finally passed on the last of it.I love babies!

Ours are now 14,13,11 and 10 and we see less of them but the bonds formed when they were babies seem to have endured and they all seem to like a big Granny cuddle when we do see them! smile

Piglet123 Mon 04-Jul-16 10:32:28

Hi my GSS are now 13 and 8 - brothers. We're lucky to live about 5 miles apart from family, so near enough to do school pick up etc. One day a week has been the norm for childcare before school age (when I was still working I did 5 days in 4 'before reducing gradually to retirement. ) They still have one day a week to come for tea after school and this is just part of their routine. Appreciated by D and S in L! It's been brilliant as we've been with them from the day they were born to teenage for one. It also has meant we have been involved in local primary school as volunteers when needed . I'm now 68 - husband 63 and we're now gearing up for travel and independence - just the two elderly cats holding us up now! We are so lucky - and I know everyone isn't so fortunate in family relationships. One snag - son in his 40s doesn't have children - yet! We're on our way. Good luck and enjoy the time and enjoy giving them back!

Piglet123 Mon 04-Jul-16 10:37:57

Ps. Those big muslin squares for mopping up baby puke etc come in handy as brilliant window cloths when babe has grown! Give the cloths a good wash first of course! xx

Thingmajig Mon 04-Jul-16 10:45:36

We live at opposite ends of the same town from DD, SIL and DGD and have a little room specially for the wee one.It was the small extra bedroom and we had no other use for it since the attic room is my messy craft room. We have a toddler bed and big vinyl stickers on the walls ... a huge tree with monkeys and some random fairies right now!

While we don't have the vast number of toys as she has at home, there is plenty here to keep DGD occupied so she often comes empty handed.
It'll be great when she grows into a booster seat in the car as her car-seat takes up so much space.

It's lovely being so near and being able to be a part of her growing up ... even though Granddad is her favourite and I'm reduced to an also-ran! smile

Jalima Mon 04-Jul-16 10:48:21

We have been very lucky to have been given/lent a lot of equipment and toys by a neighbour and had lots of toys and books from our DC too.
One thing though - we did buy new mattresses for the pram and cot (essential and available online or from stores like JL, Mothercare etc.)

Our small bedroom looks like a toyshop these days, and there are other boxes of stuff downstairs!

Jalima Mon 04-Jul-16 10:50:47

Ps I don't think I ventured too far when DD1 was four weeks old - certainly not 25 miles!

Have a lovely time with your new DGS

Jalima Mon 04-Jul-16 10:52:05

Yes, it is such a relief when they go into a booster seat

Juggernaut Mon 04-Jul-16 11:31:59

MarySunshine, Many congrats on becoming a grandmother!
We're on the countdown now to our first GC, due in 4 weeks and 4 days!
We're lucky in the extreme, DS and DDiL live just 110 yards away from us, and believe me, I know just how fortunate we are to have them so close!
We've got a bedroom set up for the baby, with a large travel cot, changing unit and nursing chair already in place, so we're well prepared.
DDiL is intending to be off work until the baby is nine months old, but she'll be going into her office occasionally during that time to 'keep an eye' on things, so we'll need to baby mind quite a lot from the very start! I can hardly wait!!!
DS and DDiL met on their first day at university, (aged 18) and are both twenty nine now, but didn't want to start a family until they were married, in a house of their own in their area of choice and as financially stable as it's possible to be these days, so I've waited a long time to be a Nan!
When DDiL returns to work full time, we'll be baby minding for at least three days a week, maybe more, we'll see how it goes. I expect to sleep very well on the nights after baby minding!

carolmary Mon 04-Jul-16 11:44:49

Our GCs live quite a distance away so we too bought lots of kids stuff for when our DD SIL and GC come to stay, mostly secondhand, charity shop or donated. We bought a lovely secondhand cot, fitted it with a new mattress and later sold it on to another Grandparent. It is amazing what you can get in charity shops and through friends of friends. Lovely cotton duvet covers for example. Now fitted up DD's old room with bunkbeds which could always be used as 2 singles (in a larger room)- previously we used Z beds. We too have not regretted it, as our DD and GCs can come up on the train every school holiday. We're retired though, and have time to search for bargains. It has been fun!

bobbydog24 Mon 04-Jul-16 11:50:08

I looked after my two grandchildren from 6 months old and had clothes, cots, bottle warmer, pram baby milk/food, at my house so my daughter didn't have to bring it all when she dropped them off. They are now 7 and 4 and I still have two beds made up for them whenever they want to stay. I loved every minute of having them and I remember when I had my granddaughter overnight when she was 2 months old, to give daughter a nights sleep, feeding her and putting her back to sleep at 4am when it was just me and baby. So different to when I had my own babies. Mind you one night is a bit different to every night.

Christinefrance Mon 04-Jul-16 11:51:50

There are no posts on GN about Grandparents who like their involvement with grandchildren limited. I am quite happy to help if needed but don't feel an overwhelming urge to be totally involved. Is anyone else going to put their head above the parapet ?

HellsBells Mon 04-Jul-16 12:15:50

We are blessed with 16 grandchildren! we do not do a regular slot as we have both worked hard until 66 years old and we are enjoying our retirement - Having said that we are available for emergencies, illness, occasional weekends away,holiday times - our children do not take us for granted and are pleased that we have a life outside grandchildren (having said that not many days go by without a call or a visit)

janeayressister Mon 04-Jul-16 12:24:30

If it is your first.....just a little word of warning. Don't go too mad as it may be overwhelming for your DIL. Try not to buy stuff without asking first as they may have different tastes. Read the mean comments from DILs on Mumsnet.....about MIls who smother and demand. Horrible.
I fell so madly in love with my first GC that I must have been impossible. I wanted him in my arms so much. Thank goodness my first experience was with a DD. I now temper my spending and always check first about everything, even if I think it is ridiculous. I also did not want to be known as present Grannie. They still know that we love them unconditionlly though, as the hugs and kisses we get are priceless.

Victoria08 Mon 04-Jul-16 12:29:23

Yes, I am happy to be involved when needed but don't want to be relied on all the time.

For one thing, I don't have the energy, and another is the fact that I have a bad back which is made worse when I look after dear gs who is now 11months old for any length of time.

When he was first born daughter used to rely on me to come to her house so she could go back to bed for a while.
Then a few months ago she went back to work part time and asked me to have him for one day a week. It was a ten hour day, and was I tired at the end of it.
Another time I had him overnight, and the next day I was so tired I felt ill.

As I am now 70 years old, I feel I can't contribute as much as I would like without jeapordising my health and wellbeing. Which is a shame as he is such a happy baby and I love him to bits.

Skweek1 Mon 04-Jul-16 12:42:43

Brilliant - have a great w/e! I cannot for the life of me see what is wrong with pre-owned baby stuff. When I look back at my kids I appreciated "hand-me-downs" from mates. I live on a really deprived area with about 70% unemployment rate and when I look at the local mums/babies/toddlers, I can't understand how they can afford the luxury baby buggies, designer clothes, sugary drinks etc., especially with mum with I-phone attached to ear.