WWYD? Very worried...

I would firstly suggest your son contacts Alanon, which is for friends and families of problem drinkers, he would get much needed confidential support with no other agencies involved, it is a world wide organisation. Maybe your files family have had enough and that's why they've stepped back. There is nothing you can do to change the situation unfortunately, just be there for your grandchildren when they need you

What are the abbreviations( DS?) i get Daughter-inLaw, GrandChildren what is DGC?

Hi NannyMags, DS is dear son, DGC is dear grandchildren. If you look near the top of the page, you'll see a button marked Acronyms and most of the shortcuts are listed there. Everyone has trouble when they start, but you do get used to them. Of course, it's up to you whether or not you use them yourself - some people prefer to type out the words. Hope this helps.

Thank you again to those kind people who have offered support and advice, both on this board and by PM. I am just off to do some baking to send to the DGC since injury prevents me from travelling to see them all. I wish that we could relocate closer, but I just couldn't cope with the potential for drunken abuse, and my DH simply wouldn't countenance it. Will just continue to be a supportive presence, and give loving advice from a distance. Thank you all again.

Maybe it's a generation thing but I find it hard to comprehend the responses of some on here to the showering situation. Grandad has probably been bathing these children since they were tiny babies and has not appreciated how grown up they are. To be labelling him an abuser and a risk to other children just strikes me as paranoid. I am perfectly well aware that abusers in the past have got away with it but really, this seems totally OTT.

I wondered if someone would post a comment along those lines hallgreenmiss, but then I remembered I recently read that 90% of child sexual assaults are perpetrated by an adult who is known and trusted by the child. I am aware that just because I find this hard to believe, it doesn't mean it's not true. In fact, the older I get, the more I can believe it is true. I suspect the generational aspect is around it being more acceptable to speak out now when it happens instead of hushing it up.

Hallgreen - the grandfather has been asked not to bath the granddaughters. He has refused to comply. It's this that makes it especially reprehensible and suspicious.

It really is not appropriate for him to behave in this way. The ages of the girls are beyond what would require active help in the shower.

The elephant in the room is alcohol!!! And everyone is deflecting away from it , always look for the root of the problem

Sadly, there is not a lot an ousider, even extended family, can do in this situation.

The best thing would be for your DIL to join AA and your son the organisation for spouses. Perhaps she will be persuaded to do it in order to not risk losing the children. If only she would do this and they agree to another year of waiting to see how it pans out, meanwhile I wonder if there is any possibility of their house being sold and the family moving into something more affordable? It seems their whole lifestyle is not sustainable. I am so sorry for you, it is hard to see their pain and be helpless to assist, but being a solid rock who cares could be a lifeline for them all, especially as the children get older.