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Grandparenting

Everything has gone to pot!

(56 Posts)
sluttygran Sun 31-Jul-16 12:38:49

Maybe this belongs on the 'other site', but as we grannies get to look after the tots quite a lot these days, maybe you'll excuse my little rant.
I have vivid memories of toilet-training my own toddlers - not that there was anything amiss with them, but I recall with horror the competition, the bragging and the one-upmanship which went on at mum and baby groups. I'm re-visiting the trauma with DGD age 28 months, and nothing has changed, (although pull-up nappies are a great innovation!)
"All my children were clean and dry at 15 months" is a common boast, and one proud mummy swears that she trained her babies by 9 months, but of course they are much more intelligent and gifted than the average child. I am left wondering why she totes around bags full of clean pants and a 'fold-up potty', and is forever wiping up little accidents!
I'm not sure that early accomplishments in the potty department are any indication of superior intelligence or extra-competent parenting, and in fact I think there may be a danger of making young children very anxious by concentrating too much on the matter. My experience tells me that they all manage it in their own good time, given gentle encouragement and a relaxed attitude.
DGD has recently been hiding in the broom cupboard so that she can poo her nappy in privacy! This has caused a few chuckles, but I feel that it shows her concern about toileting. She has a magnificent pink super-potty of a type not known to our generation, but she doesn't want to sit on it - she says "I'se too little!"
DD and I have decided to back right off and let the poor mite take her time. I would rather have a happy toddler in nappies, than a worried and anxious one in proper pants.
This is a very emotive subject and one which excites great controversy - I shall look forward to the thoughts of other grans, tho' I'm keeping my head well down!

DaphneBroon Sun 31-Jul-16 12:50:22

I think toilet training in "our" day was a rather more pressing issue if you were stil using Terry nappies with a noxious nappy bucket in your bathroom!!
Pull-ups are a boon and a blessing and while there is no one ideal age, I assume most children get there eventually. It is a kindness to nurseries of course not to leave it all to them
DD and I were in the baby changing room in John Lewis when she stayed recently (DGS 8 weeks at the time) and were a little nonplussed by a rather large little boy, Indian, maybe, who looked easily at least 4 or 5 who was brought in to have his nappy changed. Maybe there was an underlying problem, but he was extremely chatty and alert with no obvious signs of any physical problem.
None of my business of course.

mumofmadboys Sun 31-Jul-16 14:01:49

I think the longer you leave it the easier it is. I'm talking two to two and a half or so. Once they are ready it can be sorted in a week or two.

tanith Sun 31-Jul-16 14:07:08

My youngest grandson recently visited us from abroad he's had a potty in the bathroom but no pressure from either parent unless he asked to use it, he's now over 3 and I was really surprised to see he was completely out of nappies day and night. Mum said he suddenly realised at nursery that some of the other kiddies asked for the toilet and asked if he could go 'pottie', she said he 'got it' within a week and asked for no nappy so she and the nursery staff just went with him and then he said no to nappy at bedtime and hasn't wet the bed since. He's had a couple of daytime accidents but that's it and quite painless. I think there is something to be said for leaving it a bit longer I wish I'd done it the painless way when mine were young 'grin'.
Oh and those fold up potties are just so handy they carry it with them and can whip it out for 'quick I need to pee' and dispose of the bag very easily they even used it on the flight over.

Juggernaut Sun 31-Jul-16 14:31:05

My DS went out of daytime nappies at eighteen months......we weren't trying to get him 'dry', but he did have a potty in the bathroom, and occasionally made it there in time.
One hot day he was in the garden, running around in just a t-shirt and canvas shoes.
Suddenly he stopped running, stood absolutely still, then shrieked "Mummy, I've weed in my shoes". I managed to stop myself laughing, cleaned him up, put his shoes in the washing machine, and he never 'weed' anywhere but the potty/loo again. He obviously didn't like the sensation of wet shoessmile

Anya Sun 31-Jul-16 14:33:27

As the full-time weekday child minder for all of my GC this always fell to me to sort.

One grandson, at 18 months I literally trained in one day. He got it straight away and rarely had an accident from then on. Another, a granddaughter, I only just managed to get sorted just after her 4th birthday, in time for school. In fact the first week there she had an 'accident' but only the once.

The others were somewhere in between.

There is no simple answer. They are all very different.

tanith Sun 31-Jul-16 14:36:27

I meant to add those fold up potties also fit on a normal toilet seat for small bums grin.

Maggiemaybe Sun 31-Jul-16 15:44:26

I left mine till they were two and a half, just getting on with it then because they weren't allowed at playgroup until they were fully trained. I remember it as being quick and easy, though that could be in the rosy glow of hindsight! My DGS have been left longer, until after their third birthdays. My DMIL would have been appalled. She was shocked at my lazy ways and was all for holding babies over a potty from day 1. I suppose she must have caught something in it occasionally!

I'm off now to google fold up potties, as DGS2 is in line for his training in the next week or so. I can't say I'll be sorry. He can put off having me change a stinky nappy for 20 minutes by claiming "I'm still doing it". grin

tanith Sun 31-Jul-16 15:57:13

Maggiemaybe this is the one my grandson has..

www.amazon.co.uk/Potette-Plus-Travel-Potty-White/dp/B001RH2RW4/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1469976973&sr=8-1&keywords=travelling+potty

tanith Sun 31-Jul-16 15:58:23

Oh my I meant to add that the bags are really expensive but they are the same size as the fruit and veg bags they give away in Tesco they fit fine.

Maggiemaybe Sun 31-Jul-16 17:07:49

Excellent, tanith, thank you.

Thingmajig Sun 31-Jul-16 19:26:20

Our DGD had no intention of ever sitting on the potty for a few months when we first tried ... she was probably about 26 months or so. She suddenly took to sitting there and soon started to become potty trained. She is now about 31 months and seldom has an accident but still uses the pull-up pants overnights.

DD has a travel potty but if she forgets is we just take the bedroom one and she uses it in the car boot ... en suite cars, the latest thing!!! smile
The potty we use downstairs has a handle on the side and she gets to push it when she performs and gets a round of applause.

I remember leaving DD with my parents on a Saturday and picked her up on the Monday and she was toilet trained, day and night at 23 months! Obviously a gifted child!!!!! grin

grannylyn65 Sun 31-Jul-16 19:35:36

Folding potties!! Who knew ?!

grannylyn65 Sun 31-Jul-16 19:36:02

Can I get one ?grin

morethan2 Sun 31-Jul-16 19:44:16

My opinion is It's nothing to do with intelligence. Better to start a little later than forcing the issue too early, that way can somtimes cause nothing but emotional toilet trouble for years. Most toddlers give cues when their ready. It's often more difficult in the cold winter so success often depends on the toddlers month of birth. We generally say the spring/ summer after their 2nd birthday. So September/October children can be almost 21/2. Of course there are exceptions to the rule. The majority get it in the end🚽

tanith Sun 31-Jul-16 19:45:26

I wonder if they do 'adult' ones grin

LullyDully Sun 31-Jul-16 19:51:19

Definitely not to do with intelligence. My eldest son was very forward in talking but was hellish to potty train. I got worked up because of peer pressure and mil's sniping. Son no 2 was a doodle in comparison. Always advise parents to chill and take the lead of the child.

sluttygran Mon 01-Aug-16 09:17:52

grannylyn65 grin
Are you going to put it under the bed?

loopylou Mon 01-Aug-16 10:10:12

I wonder whether the stay-dry nappies used today remove the sensation of a soggy traditional nappy?
My dcs were both potty trained by 15 months, mainly because they became aware of soggy bums!

Lindill49 Mon 01-Aug-16 10:14:48

Another little funny - my younger daughter then aged 2 and a half was very proudly in "big" pants and whilst browsing in a well known newsagents I heard a plaintive cry above everything "mummy - I done a wee in smiffs." She now has her own 11 & 8 year olds!

Rosina Mon 01-Aug-16 10:24:06

My DD was highly articulate at an early age - but flatly refused to sit on a potty, or wear any of the pretty knickers I bought her. One day, edging up to three years old, she was discussing something like Einstein's theory of relativity with an elderly neighbour, with whom she used to chat daily, and as we turned to walk away the neighbour caught a glimpse of sagging terry nappy below her pretty dress and said involuntarily 'YOU are still in nappies? I would never have believed it!'. Madam stumped indoors, pulled the nappy off, and announced she would try the knickers. Job done. Thanks, neighbour (and I was joking about Einstein, of course)

BRedhead59 Mon 01-Aug-16 10:24:26

Our grandson aged 2.5 is being potty trained. At home he was doing well but staying in our house for a months holiday he refused to use the toilets most times and went in his pull up pants. On a day out to Hatfield House we were miles from toilets investigating the tree Elizabeth the 1st was under when she heard she was queen and suddenly he asked for a toilet! Luckily after concerts the portaloos were still in place and he was happy with that. How about that for contra -suggestive?

RAF Mon 01-Aug-16 10:28:33

I used "Toilet Training in Less than a Day" by Nathan H Azrin, (Amazon have it) and it worked for my two youngest, wish it had been around for the first two! Has instructions so you can tell when your child is ready, in essence the child trains a wetting doll to use the loo or potty and by association, trains themselves. Sounds bizarre, but it does work, even for boys! Daughter used it on her two as well.

ninathenana Mon 01-Aug-16 10:37:20

Daphne the 4-5 yr old may well have physical problems such as bladder control even though he seemed to have no mental delay.
My GS who was 4 in March still wears pull ups at night though is usually dry in the morning. He was very slow to get dry during the day and had many accidents. He's only been dry during the day for about a year. He would ask for pants on one day and even though he'd been dry the day before would demand a pull up the next day. D didn't want to force the issue so let him decided.

HannahLoisLuke Mon 01-Aug-16 10:52:01

When mine were young we were told not to even think about it until they turned two and that made sense. All three were trained in about a week except for the odd accident.
These days it's either very competitive or you read of children starting school still in pull-ups. Don't know how to use cutlery or dress themselves either. Grrrr.