Over protective daughter in law

redhead We have all been in her shoes if we are Grandparents ! Did the husband explain to the new Mum that his Mum was upset? , I didn`t read that he did .

It is just not normal behaviour and also is very hurtful.

She doesn't sound over-protective of the baby, especially if it's a first baby. Don't forget what an absolutely life-shattering (in a nice way) experience having one's first baby is! As someone else said, holding baby's hand while he was being breastfed sounds pretty intimate to me. I wouldn't have been keen on that even with my second or third baby. With my first I don't remember grans or aunties (or anyone else) seeming desperate to hold the baby until it was a few months old. Have things changed or did I just have sensitive relatives?

And as another someone said, doing practical stuff like cooking, clearing up, cleaning is more what to expect in a baby's first weeks

She does sound over-protective of the granite worktop.

Also PND did spring to mind depending how old the baby is.

Put yourself in her shoes, giving birth, recovering from that, new baby, then having your MiL live with you for a whole month while trying to establish Breastfeeding, routine and being a new mom.
And then having your husband explain that his mom is upset because you hogged your baby the entire month.
I would feel very ganged up on and wouldn't be very happy.

In a years time when you visit, things will of changed.

How upsetting for you to go all that way then not be allowed to hold your GC . I think there is a difference between keeping baby close and excluding family from even being allowed to hold said baby ! Did you ask to hold the baby and were denied or did you go along with this behaviour ? As for the worktop , this sounds completely OTT . Postnatal depression or worse springs to mind , I hope someone is keeping an eye on this new Mum . I am sure others will be along to say this is normal but for me this would ring alarm bells . If she is not suffering PND then she may just be very thoughtless/controlling and you do not have much hope of a relationship with your GC.

Well done for making the flight, I had to come to terms with getting on a plane if I wanted to see my grandchildren as well.

I do not think it unusual for a new Mum to keep baby close in the early weeks, both my daughter and Canadian DIL nursed their babies and hardly put them down for first couple of months. I have always taken my lead from the new Mother, and just admired without getting many holds or cuddles, I think I spent most time washing up, ironing and generally helping.

The medical facilities in Canada are very good, but there are differences in the advice given officially in Canada and in Britain to new Mums, the advice given by health visitors/midwives to Canadian DIL in this country has been different to that given to her sister who also had a baby at the same time in Canada.

As the babies have grown, Skype has been a wonderful way to watch them develop and to be a face they recognise. I know it is hard to have to wait a long time betwen visits to actually be with a new grandchild, but there are ways to feel close without physically being there.

I see my daughter and her children twice a year if we can manage the air fares, but photos, emails and Skype keep me in touch.

So sorry tynsall, you must have been so disappointed. Hugs with Gran are so looked forward to. Firstly, huge congratulations for managing the flight, It sounds as if you went alone, well done you. Perhaps the effort you put in is highlighting the difference between your hopes for the trip and the reality. Forgive me, but it doesn't sound as if you have had the opportunity to know your daughter in law well before the baby arrived. Is that so? I'm wondering how she was before the baby arrived. She sounds to be very generally anxious and I wonder if this is new or if high anxiety has always been part of who she is. Being allowed to hold your grandsons hand while he was breast fed sounds to be a very intimate contact, even if not as you imagined so it doesn't sound as if your daughter in law is hostile to you. Your son says this is generalised, so definitely not personal. You don't say how old your grandson is, I assume only a couple of months? I haven't a clue about medical systems in Canada but it may be your daughter in law has elements of post natal depression which may be picked up by routine checks. The distance will, of course, make this feel all the more difficult. I don't think it's unusual for first time mums to be overly cautious with their baby. If your son is worried it is likely that others are too. You don't mention your daughter in laws family, does she have her own Mum to help? I'm sorry, too many questions. There are many here who manage long distance relationships with their grandchildren and will be able to better support you. In the meantime, chin up, you did your part, you have seen your lovely grandson and his parents and there will be a next time. .