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Grandparenting

DIL anxious about me

(57 Posts)
grandreg Fri 21-Oct-16 16:26:41

Hi, new here, and wanted to get some advice. My 1st grandchild, a beautiful girl is 6 weeks old. My oldest son, (have 4 25-35)and his wife are the parents. They live close by which is wonderful. They have been married 3 years.
I have always had a super relationship with my DIL, she is lovely and fun, and we have never had a cross word with each other.
Of course I am over the moon happy to have my first grandbaby. However, I have been very careful to give them space with the new baby, never show up without calling or being invited, and offer help at anytime they need it, all they need to do is ask. They are doing a great job as new parents.
Last night my DIL and son came for dinner and my DIL wanted to talk to me about something. She apologized to me as she thought she was rude to me last time we saw each other. I didn't even know what she was talking about, but assured her is was ok. She told me she is very anxious when I am around the baby, and she is not sure why. I was so sorry to hear that she was feeling that way. I never knew it or felt it. She says it is totally irrational, and that I have never even come close to making her feel that way before.
I assured her that feeling anxious, especially with hormones raging is common. She is also going back to work, a job she loves in 6 weeks and they have asked me to take care of the baby 2 days a week, which is great. She is of course feeling anxious about leaving the baby, which I totally understand. The baby will be with my son several days a week and me 2 days most weeks.
She knows that I will take wonderful care of the baby, that is not even an issue.
I guess I need advice on how to help her feel less anxious. We had a great talk last night and I reassured her she is a great mom, which she is, and I will do anything to help her feel better about the whole situation. She felt relieved after our talk however. Sometimes it is good to get things out in the open!
Thanks for your time in reading my post!

Serkeen Thu 31-Aug-17 09:47:56

OK I thought that as name has Reg in it that OP was male

Flossieturner Thu 31-Aug-17 13:36:10

That is so lovely. It is great when people come back to up date. I have 8 grandchildren ranging from 23 down to 2. The youngest 2 are really close to my DiLs mum and dad who live close to them.It is such an amazing thing to witness their relationship with their maternal Grandparents. When they visit they tell us all about the adventures they have had.We have been come good friends with the other set of grandparents and they often include us in their days out.

I wish you lots of joy with your little one.

Madgran77 Thu 31-Aug-17 16:47:11

Serkeen Why on earth is it not appropriate for a Grandad to look after a young baby? (I know you misunderstood re OP) ...I mean if its ok for a Grandma why not ok for a Grandad? What possible difference can there be if the grandparent is fit, healthy and willing!!!!!

Serkeen Sat 02-Sep-17 12:06:27

Madgran77

These people have made it work and that is great.

However I still do strongly believe that taking care of a New Born baby is not a job for a grandparent, be it male or female.

I think it is too much and can be a dangerous situation for a New Born.

I answered your question as felt it rude not to, however I have no wish to enter into any argument and wish that you respect, as I do yours, my opinion.

Thank you

Starlady Sat 02-Sep-17 13:03:10

I'm late to this thread but LOVE the update! Thanks for letting us know the outcome, grandreg!

LetGo Thu 28-Sep-17 00:16:16

Go above and beyond to let her know that you acknowledge that SHE is the mom and in charge, and that you are only there for support. If for any moment she feels like you think you are in charge, you will be ousted. Trust me. Be humble as the child is another mother's.