Being a step-parent and step-grandparent

Certainly there is a money element in there too. The person who arranged the walking trip was one of his daughters, who frequently phones my husband up, asking him where he is going, asked me why I didn't wear my wedding dress to a later wedding in the family (!) noticed new walking boots at our house and asked why I wore old walking boots to the walk when I had new ones.....I find it quite wearing because in a way I'd like to escape all this questioning. At a recent wedding she insisted on dancing with her father when he didn't even want to ! I said I didn't mind, but she made a big thing of it. She always makes sure she asks for money for all her kids' birthdays.

"... asked me why I didn't wear my wedding dress to a later wedding in the family (!)"

Was that a sarcastic comment? It doesn't make sense! Was she just trying to confuse or rattle you, do you think?

"... asked why I wore old walking boots to the walk when I had new ones."

How is that possibly her business? I hope you didn't give her too much of a reply. I think I would have just stared at her and asked, "Why would you ever want to know?" But that's easy to think of from a distance, I know.

I think a lot of the time it would be a good idea to just raise an eyebrow and say, "What an odd question!" But maybe you're concerned it would cause trouble with dh.

He's still your main problem, imo. He can cater to his ac all he wants, but he mustn't ignore your needs or let you be hurt in the process. That's how I see it, anyhow.

P.S. He can't control what comes out of his dd's mouth, of course. But he can ask her to treat his dw (you) with respect. Idk if he can bring himself to ask that though, nor if she would listen.

I absolutely love my son, but sometimes I don't like him! My son is 35, I am divorced from his arrogant, controlling husband and now married, for 12 years to a lovely, kindhearted man. My son used to be so wonderful and caring. Of late, he seems to have adopted his father's ways. I dread him coming round to see us, I know he is going to be critical, disrespectful, argumentative and nasty. It gets embarrassing and I feel hurt when he has gone. He works in the same industry as my ex and, from what he says about his time at work, he upsets people all the time, and gets pleasure from it. I have approached him about his manner, but he just retorts with a nasty comment. Has anyone had any success with a son like this, I do love him and hate how I feel about him at the moment.

Sorry you feel like this Jillywilly. I would just concentrate on making kind comments and occasionally putting an alternative view to your son in a gentle way. Keep the peace and lead by a loving example. Is your son married? Is he happy at work? You say he used to be kind and caring. Has something caused the change?

That's what I'm wondering, too, Jillywilly - what do you think caused the change?

Also, when you say you approached him about his manner, was it just about his behavior towards you or was it about his behavior in general? I don't think you should say anything to him about what goes on at work. That's up to his boss and coworkers to deal with. Imo, you have every right to object if you don't like how he talks to you.

If he just gets nastier, you can end the conversation or the visit. If an argument starts, maybe change the subject? I don't have this exact problem, but, once in a while, my DD gets testy with me. When she does, that's what I do - change the topic as quickly and gracefully as I can. Hard for them to keep fussing if we don't argue back or even stay on the subject.