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Too close to grandchildren?

(53 Posts)
Happygran1964 Mon 07-Aug-17 09:32:19

As above, I just wonder if any of you feel the same as I do, that your love for your grandchildren is as deep as that for your own children?
I adore my four grandchildren but sometimes I think a little too much.

I am aware that I am granny and not mummy and NEVER offer advice unless asked but sometimes I wish they were my own children!!
It doesn't help that I going through menopause and kissing goodbye to my own fertility!

KatyK Mon 07-Aug-17 10:29:37

I'm not sure there is such a thing as too close. We have one granddaughter and I am completely surprised about how much I love her smile

Christinefrance Mon 07-Aug-17 10:44:14

Not for me Happygran love them but happy to hand them back to their parents. I'm not noted for my maternal feelings though- shock

Jalima1108 Mon 07-Aug-17 11:08:08

Have you seen the sign in the back of some cars?

'I love my grandchildren, I should have had them first'

I think too much as well, but I am not the one who makes decisions that affect their lives.

Allegra22 Mon 07-Aug-17 18:20:02

I love them, but definitely don't wish they were mine. I'm more than happy to hand them back! I love them to bits but I'm delighted that the intense worry and panic I felt ( being a complete neurotic stress head!) is now some one else's problem! I can just enjoy the time I spend with them and then enjoy my peace and quiet when they go!

Jalima1108 Mon 07-Aug-17 18:24:18

I think I feel more worry now than I did over my own DC. Although I worried worry about them too.

Worry doesn't solve any problems.
Don't meet trouble halfway

BlueBelle Mon 07-Aug-17 18:32:18

I m with you Christinefrance and Allegra I love them to bits but happy it's not all on my shoulders any more, maybe that's to do with my age, I m well past menapause so maybe happygran is feeling the passsing of her motherhood possibilities more than I am now
I do remember in my late forties and with a new partner (but before I had grandchildren) I felt some jealous feelings when people within my circle became young mums

suzied Mon 07-Aug-17 18:43:31

I loved it when I had my own babies but don't see my DGC as substitutes! Love it when I see them and breathe a sigh of relief when they go home! I feel far more responsible and anxious when I'm looking after them than I did with my own DC , I just used to let them loose on their bikes to explore on their own.

Cherrytree59 Mon 07-Aug-17 18:45:34

I completely understand how you feel Happygran (your name say it all!)

Jalima grinI want one of those stickers.

I also worry more about my DGC

I am beside myself with worry that my eldest DGS is starting school in September
He has only just turned four sad

wordy17 Mon 07-Aug-17 18:47:06

I must admit that sometimes I fantasise that my grandchildren come to live with me and I have to raise them. I hasten to add, I really don't wish anything untoward to happen to my daughter and SIL.

When my children were little it was the best time of my life, I know that sounds corny or twee or something but it is really true for me. Realistically, I don't think I could cope with raising any more children at my age but yes I do love my grandkids as much as I loved my children.

Daisyboots Mon 07-Aug-17 18:52:40

Maybe it's because I had a second family in my forties just as my first grandchildren were being born but I don't feel like that about my grandchildren. There are about 20 of them from their 30s down to the youngest who are 7 plus greatchildren. I love them all and am quite happy to see them when I visit but they have their own lives and that is the way it should be.

Happygran1964 Mon 07-Aug-17 19:25:21

Thanks for all your replies. Nice to see I'm not alone smile

M0nica Mon 07-Aug-17 20:28:46

Like all of you I love my grandchildren, but no, I have never wished they were mine.

They and their parents were staying with us last week. We had a lovely time, I am missing them so much this week, but they are their parent's children being brought up as their parents think fit, and I am wholly supportive of their parenting values and techniques but I am very aware that they are not mine and I no more want to take them over than to take over the delightful children who live next door to me.

Deedaa Mon 07-Aug-17 20:36:41

I was surprised how attached I was to GS1. I hadn't intended to look after him but I couldn't see him handed over to anyone else. I used to spend the afternoons with him asleep on my lap and he felt just like my own baby. When GS2 came along I was almost as bad with him. I'm sure they'd both be appalled to know that I once felt like their mother. They are always reminding me how VERY old I am grin

Norah Mon 07-Aug-17 20:57:56

I love my GC and GGC, I have not even a small interest in raising them.

Kateykrunch Mon 07-Aug-17 21:19:47

Phew, we've had all four today, 2 staying overnight and 2 gone home, having them all again tomorrow, we are exhausted, we are going to bed at 10, they are adorable, funny, lovely. I had a rosy expectation of the day today, but it was like juggling cats! I am feeling extremely old!!

durhamjen Mon 07-Aug-17 21:27:46

Christmas must be expensive, Daisyboots.

Greyduster Tue 08-Aug-17 07:32:11

I think that it comes as a surprise, this enormous rush of love that most grandparents feel for their grandchildren. I was talking to one of DD's friends who is grandmother to a two year old. She said the same to me. She said she was completely unprepared for the way she felt about him and that it was so different to what she feels for her own children, one of whom is the same age as my grandson. I told her that I wished I had a pound for every time I had heard a grandparent say something to that effect. Our only grandchild is a continual source of joy and amazement to us and we love him to distraction. I am so proud of the way that his parents are bringing him up, and pleased that we have been allowed to have some small influence in that.

Franbern Tue 08-Aug-17 10:02:46

I have felt a little strange in that my g.children could never have the same sort of place in my heart that I had/have for my own children. I do (sort of) love them -but that is an extension of the bubble of love I have for their Mums (my daughters). As all of these g.children were very much planned and wanted babies, I am delighted that they are there to make my children happier.
Whereas, now that they are all there and growing up, I could not wish to be without them - I do know that I would have been quite happy if none of my children had wanted/had children. My son and DiL are in that position and I would have been more than content if the others had felt the same.
When my first g.child was born and everyone kept asking me what he looked like etc. I explained that I had given birth the the five most beautiful babies in the world, and none could ever equal that!!

dahlia08 Tue 08-Aug-17 10:19:25

I love my grandsons to bits. I see them once or two days a week. They do their own things with mum and dad. Like they are camping, Lego land etc. I am not part of this side of th or life. I am happy to be there when I am needed.

Harris27 Tue 08-Aug-17 10:27:24

I'm quite amazed at this I have three sons and four grandchildren and no I don't love the grandchildren more I really don't understand this? I gave birth to my sons but not my grandchildren so I feel this is acceptable .breally enjoy my grandchildren but happy to hand them backb!

Starlady Tue 08-Aug-17 10:36:45

I was surprised by that sudden rush of love, too, Greyduster, when my first gc was born. I love all my gc very much, but not more than my dd. Also, it's a different kind of love because it's all joy and none of the heavy sense of responsibility I had with dd.

Happygran, do you watch your gc a lot. My sister takes care of her gc on a daily basis and says similar things to you. I think it's because she's their daily carer. Maybe that's true for you, too?

786wales Tue 08-Aug-17 11:00:14

I must admit that sometimes I wish and pray that my grandchildren come to live with me and I have to raise them. Again like one other comment.... I really don't wish anything untoward to happen to my son or his wife. I hate seeing them go home.

Heather23 Tue 08-Aug-17 11:16:11

Interesting responses to this op. I don't think you can love too much. We are totally besotted with our GS1 who brings nothing but joy into our lives. I feel so sad for those who do not know this experience in later life - it is a wonderful compensation in later life and has renewed our sense of fun, allowing us to get back in touch with our own inner child. Happy to hand back, etc, and not have the daily commitment of child-care, which I remember got me down in the earlier days of motherhood. GC No 2 is on the way and I am wondering how I will feel, hoping it will be the same but thinking the first GC will always have an extra special place in my heart. GS1 is the image of his father (DS) so at times it feels like the clock has been re-wound and we are experiencing the joys of parenthood all over again but able to pass the responsibility back at the end of the day - win-win smile smile

glammanana Tue 08-Aug-17 11:22:10

I adore my 7DGCs & GGD they are a delight I have had them stay for long and short periods but never had the inclination for them to live with us,the big ones always spoil me when we go out and treat me & hubby as their best friends sometimes I now have GGD to have all the cuddles from so am still enjoying the constant visits from my little person.