Moody grand-daughter

I dont know where that 'grab' came from!

She's nothing to apologise for since when do you need to apologise for being guiet, moody or have a long face. no where in the original post did Rolando say she was noisy, rude , answered back, swore, stamped her foot had a tantrum etc etc it's not a sin to look moody or quiet
She was miserable because of something that had happened before she came out, so nothing at all to do with granny and not at all right for her to banish her to another room and make her cry
norose if you think this is a relatively new behaviour pattern you must have been on another planet, teens have always been moody, I remember being told I was moody when I was 13 and if you watch Kevin the teenager that was made many years ago and is very relevant to this type of angst it's certainly not a new phenonemum

What happened to having to behave in other people's homes. My dad would of wiped the floor with me if I was stroppy to my gran, teen or not. Many of you think it's ok to bringing snowflake kids up these days. Nana house, nans rules

This girl was not stroppy to her gran - she was sullen and moody. Gran tried to get her to come out of that and this is what caused the blow-up. As others have said - better to have ignored it and the situation would have blown over.

SIL was entirely reasonable to be angry and being told how to parent his own child. He knew that a sulker is best ignored.

BLuebell I meant the getting away with it was relatively new, I'm sure a lot of us were a bit like it, but we weren't allowed to behave badly or rudely to others , just because we were in a huff about something . We had to be mannerly no matter what.

And actually if it's not tolerated , you come out of that mood quicker than if you are pandered to!

It would seem to me from what you have said that you will not get an apology....so do your best to avoid a family rift. Ignore it, but remind your SiL that you have just lost your husband and you cannot deal with any further upset at the moment. I'm sure he will see the error of his ways.

I agree with Luckygirl - and some people have short memories! Do you REALLY remember what you were like at 13? I'm really sorry for OP in her bereavement, and she may be somewhat fragile emotionally, but she's risking her relationship with the family if she persists in intervening with DGD and also wanting an apology when DD has rung offering to agree to disagree.

Mother of stroppy pre-teens here. Clearly the OP had good intentions, as does my MIL when she tries to 'jolly' my kids out of whatever sulk/strop/tantrum they're in. But the kid is in the sulk/strop/tantrum precisely because they are not being given what they want, and giving them attention because of their behaviour is playing into their hands.

Next time, please follow the parents' signals. If they're ignoring sulky teen, please follow suit.

An apology from the teen is not out of the question (though I wouldn't hold my breath) but an apology to your son and DIL for riding roughshod over their parenting wishes is also in order.

Apologies- daughter and SIL. The rest stands.

Let me say first, how saddened I was to hear of your recent loss.

Sorry also that you had such an unpleasant family visit.

Teenagers can be moody, difficult, disrespectful and almost always impossible to please! Let me just add that in the scheme of things, this was a battle not worth fighting.

Perhaps apologies should have been exchanged all around but at this point better to just let the whole thing go and time will do the rest.

It's so easy to forget that our 'children' are now adult parents themselves. So, as hard as it may be (to do or say nothing), it's the parent's job to discipline their children, not ours!

Give the apology a miss, and don't spend too much time without contact, it is so easy to let it drag on and on.
Speak to the GD if she speaks to you. Don't let her present behaviour sour your relationship with your daughter and her family.
Sorry to hear about your husband. Your's, and has been said elsewhere, those of your family must still be very raw.

Rolande was right to object to her granddaughter's behaviour: 'not even a hello' is rude and she should have been reprimanded by her parents. It would have been even better if they had reacted positively, explained that Granny was unhappy and why, and that friendly behaviour from her would help to cheer her up.

My deepest sympathies on the loss of your DH, Rolande. Radicalnan makes a good point, imo, that GD may be feeling the sadness, too, especially when in your home. It may not be time yet to all come together for dinners, etc.

"And this behaviour is not because she is a teen, she was like this in her high chair!. She learnt early that it got her what she wanted...

I told them to stop pandering to her, to stop making excuses for her....

I tried to jolly her up..."

Sorry but where are you doing differently? Trying to "jolly her up" is catering to her, also, imo. If her moodiness seems unreasonable to you, better, I think to just ignore it. Let her sit there with a sour face while you, DD & SIL enjoy your conversation, etc. Maybe she won't sulk so much if she sees it's not getting her any attention.

Distancing yourself is a very good idea right now, imo. You need time to heal and you and DD's family all need some space from each other. Don't hold your breath for an apology though. I don't think one is forthcoming, sorry.

No way. I can't stand the way grandparents are treated by family nowadays. It's about time we were shown some respect and valued more.

In what way was the OP not shown respect?

She interfered with her family's parenting - that is what I would see as not showing respect to them.