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Suppose you had received a thank you note, how much better would a few words on some paper make you feel, or an e mail, or a text, nice to have of course but if you want to do a generous thing, do it, for its own sake.

She may be a rude girl and recover from that. Give her time.
Don't give her any more money if it pains you not to have the thanks.

She is who she is, a lying fibber maybe, she is also your flesh and blood, do nice things for her with no thought of thanks and in time she may prove to be better at the social niceties.

I was 19 when my father passed away. Everyone had so much to say about how I should handle and be more adult about my feelings towards his sudden passing... I had just finished my matric exams about a month before. I was stressing about passing my matric year. I was stressing about my mom and what wold happen to her going forth. I was stressing about my siblings as they are much younger than I am. How was I going to now take the role of being there for my mom and for my siblings. To be strong. I was worrying about job possibility in that coming year.

Maybe her mother having mental health issues in some way puts strain on her emotional well being?

I'm sorry but you seem to be the problem. This is perfectly normal behaviour for a 19 year old and you seem to be giving presents and expecting a past on the back for it. Teenagers are not renowned for doing this. You also say you don't talk to your daughter either. Are you sure the problem isn't with you? This is such a petty thing and you are making a huge deal about it. I'm sorry but i really think you need to consider your own behaviour. As said before you seem really needy. You are going to be low down on her priorities which is as it should be.

I think this is very sad. At 19 years she is old enough to take on lots of grown up responsibilities like buying a home, getting married or having children but it seems she has not learnt how to be respectful. Maybe she has never been taught this while growing up ( you mention your daughter's mental health problems).
As hard as it maybe for you I would not send her money like that next time. I would wait till she contacts you or deigns to visit you then suggest that you go shopping with her to choose a present. If she makes excuses then say well we will postpone it till you do have time as I would like to spend some quality grandma time with you and maybe have a lunch treat too.
Absolutely do not let her walk away with money without consideration for you. Respect is one of lives valuable lessons and she needs to learn to show some.

There is always two sides to a story...I can't understand why she has cut you off. Perhaps you may have approached her in the wrong way about the £100 gift. You talk about her mother's mental health and you haven't said anything positive about your grandaughter. It seems to me that relationships are a little fractious overall. Your grandaughter is no doubt affected by the relationship between you and her mother. I would suggest that you build bridges as best you can with both of them. I wish you well in "winning her back".

At 19 she is old enough to say thank you without having to be asked or prompted. Yes their lives are so much different to our teenage years...however as there are so many ways of communicating quicky now it seems quite bad mannered to not even send a quick text to thank you. Amazing how many hours they can spend on social media with friends..but family..that's another matter. You don,t say if you live near enough to her to meet up occasionally for a meal together, so distance can make it a bit more difficult. I would"nt stop giving her presents but maybe not quite so generous as the last one.

Agree with others that teenagers can be selfish and thoughtless, but most do “emerge” the other end and come back to us ! I would now just send cards at birthdays and Xmas, reiterate that you miss her and are always there for her .... but I wouldn’t send anymore cash as it is not even acknowledged and that is hurtful and of course very bad manners. I would start saving that cash for her and when she grows up a bit maybe she will appreciate that towards a house deposit etc We all know that the more we go to them, the more they will back away at times, so if you back away a bit hopefully she will eventually see what she is losing, a loving and caring Nan .... and you will hopefully get her back again. Good luck ?

I'm reliably informed that they get better once they are out of their teens! I have friends who have older GC than mine & have been there & done it! My 13 year old DGS no longer comes to stay when his younger siblings do & is out most of the time with his mates. At the moment when he is forced to come to cousin's birthday parties he is the same loving & funny boy he has always been but it is only a matter of time before he no longer wants to attend these either. They have to grow up- go though the thoughtless stage & come out the other end. Hopefully as a smashing young person. I must admit though that I WOULD expect the courtesy of an acknowledgement of money for gifts & I would contact a GC of mine to see what they had bought. I expect it went on going out etc.

I would try not to take it to heart. Her life may not be easy with her mother being unwell. If you find her difficult, what must it be like for your granddaughter. She needs to know that there is someone non-judgmental and supportive in her life.
She probably means to ring you when she says that she will but 19 is an exciting time and she will have a lot going on and, frankly, it will not be at the top of her mind which is probably as it should be.

What a sad time we live in if we can’t expect some common curtesy. My cut off is 18 yrs. let’s face it they are adults then. After that send a text saying happy birthday you haven’t sent a card as she never seems to get them. At that age they are too self centred to care much about you anyway. They learn from their parents and seems you’ve been unlucky there too. all you can do is set some sort of example as to how anyone should expect to be treated and hope they learn. Good luck x

Such a lot of good advice posted here. None of us ever really know the paths of others lives and all the twists and turns. Like must of us I have experienced family hurts but I do try to always keep the door open. Closed doors are incredibly hard to reopen and I have seen at close hand how these things cascade down the generations.

As others have said she is young, living her own life and perhaps (probably) is unaware of the pain she may be causing her gran. I do think that as our lives get less busy with the passing years maybe we focus more on what we perceive to be slights and omissions. When life is busy and exciting you just don't have the time to think or brood so much about these things.

Depending on your financial circumstances maybe don't give birthday money so there isn't a feeling of obligation. Send love and greetings by card, email, text etc. If the bond is there she will come back when the time is right although it may not be the timeframes you would like.

Keep communications open, send a card. Say you’ve had problems with post recently so tell her you’ll give her the 100 next time you meet, and do that

Maybe it's the friends she is hanging around with, sometimes kids say things about their parents and gps.
I know my gd laughs at me but we do have a good relationship she lives with us anyway. Since starting 6th form college she's made a lot of new friends and a couple of the young lads live with their mum no dad on the scene they always say how much they love their mums what sacrifices they have made for them and my gd always says she wouldn't be where she was if it wasn't for us.
Give it time she probably involved in something and putting all her time into that.

marylane it is very sad to be taken for granted. In the wee small hours I was reading a back issue of 'Grace' magazine, the Summer 2007 issue and I quote,

"Have you observed how today, few people use the phrases 'please' and 'Thank You', which at one time were signs of common courtesy? We used them to express thanks for a courtesy shown. You, too, may be sorry the expression no longer appears in everyday conversation. From an old scrapbook I note " Hearts, like doors, will open with ease, to very, very little keys, and don't forget that two of these ..... are 'I thank you' and 'If you please.'
We have so many things for which to be thankful: for flowers, work and play, love of family and all that goes to make up our day.

"Thank you" means that someone shared
Someone loved and someone cared
It means that someone had a part
In lightening someone else's heart"
Anonymous "

I have nieces and a nephew who no longer sent me a little thank you note so on each of their birthdays I sent a small card with a note to say that I had noiced that my little gifts were not really appreciated anymore so I was writing to ask which of the following they would like to be donated in their name to a needy family and if I had no response I would choose something I thought would be appropriate. They didn't and so I did .... and after no response to that then the foĺlowing Christmas I am now happy that there is a village in Nepal who have a flushing toilet. I could not do anything about their lack of manners so I changed my response.
You could do something similar and there are many things to choose from.

Difficult and sad, but most definitely not unusual... in fact often par for the course where teenagers are concerned. I'd just quietly persevere, being supportive and avoiding placing demands on her which she may as yet be emotionally too immature to meet. She'll eventually grow up, at which stage she may have a better relationship with you.

She’s 19. I cringe when j think back to his self absorbed I was.

How this plays out seievss in whether this is s phase or her personality and how patient you are.

Btw sending a shout HELLO text is hardly inviting a response! What about something along the lines of

“Your ol’ grandma worries when she doesn’t hear from her Granddaughter...! Xxx”

My grandchildren are 4, 3, 2 and 1. I would be very grateful if I can live till any of them is 19. I would say to the OP, "bite your tongue and wait."

On average it takes until you are about 22 before your neural pathways and area of your brain mature with your full setup of empathy and being able to 'read' other people so, yes, she is just being 19. (Read Robert Winstone's works on child development) Sometimes it can take longer, sometimes it never develops.
Ask yourself what you actually want to for and from your Granddaughter. The best thing you can give her is the wings to be independent and the ability to be happy, even when you are not around. I'm sure there will be a time when she realises that she has to give to a relationship but meanwhile, short phone conversations to catch up will keep you on her radar. Nobody likes being 'made' to do something so keeping things gentle will probably be the best course of action until she sees the value of her relationship with you.

You sound like you have my granddaughter. One daughter has 3 children and none write to say thank you or send a card at any time. My other daughter has one really young daughter who draws me a card for birthday and Christmas.

Arrange a treat for yourself on your birthday, preferably with a friend. Try not to even think about who might send a card.
I sometimes find cards from a previous birthday and go through them appreciating the messages and choice of cards far more than I did at the time.
I send my 2 older DGDs texts about once a week mostly just wishing them well. Sometimes they reply and sometimes they don’t. One has anxiety issues and the other a college course and a baby. I accept that our lives diverge as they get older.
They know I love and care about them and I know they haven’t rejected me. It can’t be the same as when they were little.
However I certainly wouldn’t give either £100. I ask what they need/want for Christmas and birthdays.
The biggest thank yous last year came from their then bfs, I sent each a pair of thick slipper-socks which both young man really appreciated!!

I did like "your children will never live you as much as ypu love them" because I think it is true. Although I think my Mum and l loved each other equally because we were very close.
Thank you Synomynous for those words which are so true. I don't think the OP is expecting praise for her gift to her DGD but a simple thank you is not beyond any 19 year old in my opinion.

I would try not to be too hurt by the fact that she hasn't said thanks and isn't keeping in touch, but I know how difficult it is not to feel hurt and aggrieved. She ought to have said thank you. Did she do so in the past?

If you make too much of it to her now, you may prevent her coming back later - we were all self-centred at 19, but our generation had to keep on better terms with our elders, as many of us were dependent on their help moneywise if we were studying or doing an apprenticeship.

It is hurtful to feel taken for granted and to not have your presence (and presents) acknowledged. How hard is it to send a text, given most people have their phones welded to their palms?

However, in various stages of our lives some concerns can be more pressing than others. I have learned as I age that I mustn't fret if my children don't behave or communicate as I'd like them to. It's futile. In my heart they have my love, they know I will always be there for them and I try now to be a bit more selfish and concentrate on my life. They get back in touch appropriately and when I am not expecting it, and often surprise me by being thoughtful and caring. I just don't expect it any more, and it's easier that way.

With children and GC I have found you do have to let go a little and practice not needing them but enjoying them when they are around. It's hard and it hurts at first but it is the best way and a lesson I have had to learn. It took a while to adjust as I found it quite hurtful at first but realised it wasn't about lack of love but the way they have so many calls on their time and efforts. We are no longer the centre of their world when they grow up.

thank you all for your comments and suddenly I have had a lightbulb moment. I thought we were close as she turned to me with her worries about school and college and when she was pregnant, which thankfully she decided to end but that sounds cruel. She is not mature enough for motherhood yet. I felt we were close as I loaned her money or should I say gave as of course it never came back. The only reason I gave her money was to help her as I loved her so much and still do and enjoyed the look on her face when she was able to buy something she really wanted. I am needy, not easy to admit, but I lost my mum 3 years ago and never new my dad as he died when I was two. Never even seen a photo of him. My closest friends died of cancer this year so all my emotions and affection has been poured on my gd. Perhaps she loves me in her own way but the lies were the crippler. I think she has seen from her mum that it doesn't matter how you behave as long as you get what you want. I feel so much better ladies it has shown me how we can fool ourselves when we are on our own. My husband died when the children were little but I got on with things and must do the same again

Pay no attention to those who think the giver (you) is in some way the baddy in this.

However, I’d just stick £10 into her Christmas card and ditto her birthdays in future.